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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think my friend is crazy to consider this?

88 replies

ZaraV · 03/12/2024 18:22

Hello. My friend is in a bit of a rut with life. I’ll not go into too much details but she’s struggling to get back into work after losing her job last year. She’s on benefits but isn’t getting what she’s entitled to due to her DH wages. She’s just fed up and it’s put her in a bad place. I feel for her I really do. She told me she’s considering OnlyFans to help pay for an all out Christmas and for more spending money on her and DH’s holiday this month. I told her this could be dangerous and it’s also a very saturated market but she’s having none of it and says there’s not much she can do as she doesn’t want a boring Christmas and holiday after what she had to put up with the last few years. She’s also going off the rails a bit in terms with her boundaries with other people,

please suggest ways to tell her this isn’t a good idea and other ways to help her. Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Jumell · 04/12/2024 14:35

TBH I couldn’t get worked up about this.

i think there are worse things in the world than a grown adult deciding to sign up to Only Flange

Original poster
ZaraV · 04/12/2024 14:35

PuppiesProzacProsecco · 04/12/2024 14:21

Sure, she could opt for IRL prostitution?

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Well tbf she’s talking to this other man for emotional comfort as she feels her life is gonna crumble. She needs help. She says DH has his family fighting his corner but her family don’t get her and use her mistakes against her so she feels she need someone there for her. I don’t know. She says he’s only a friend but the danger is she’s in a vulnerable state and he’s her type

OP posts:
Annettecurtaintwitcher · 04/12/2024 14:33

Well, it’s completely up to her. It’s not illegal and she is an adult!

Beautifulbouquet · 04/12/2024 14:33

It sounds like you are more generally worried about your friend. She's not worked due to mental health, she's discussing dumping her kids to party for a week and seems to see herself if a victim of everyone else. In this context you're also concerned about Only Fans. In short, you're worried that your friend isn't making great life choices.

It's hard to stand by while someone makes decisions that threaten to make things worse not better.

It's also hard for you to know her true situation. She seems in an enviable position of being financially supported.

All you can do is be a steady place of reassurance. The Only Fans idea likely won't work out. Encourage her to set longer term goals then think how to work towards them.

Encourage her to take agency in her own life.

Encourage her to develop hobbies and skills that build her sense of self worth and creativity and pride.

Sia8899 · 04/12/2024 14:30

If her mental health is really bad then doing OF won’t do her any favours in the long run. And it’s also probably a reason she’s considering it - in general mentally healthy and secure women don’t consider taking their clothes off (and more) for money to be a better option than an employed job. It seems like easy money but it takes an emotional toll. Among other things, although OF is popular, there is still the chance of your family/children/next employer seeing your photos.

There’s also zero chance of her making much money at all unless she already has a SM following, let alone making money before Christmas

I say all this as a former cam model who is older and wiser now

PuppiesProzacProsecco · 04/12/2024 14:21

MounjaroUser · 04/12/2024 14:20

But Only Fans is just online prostitution, isn't it? Surely there's another way for her to earn money?

Sure, she could opt for IRL prostitution?

MounjaroUser · 04/12/2024 14:20

But Only Fans is just online prostitution, isn't it? Surely there's another way for her to earn money?

QueenBitch666 · 04/12/2024 14:18

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 04/12/2024 13:50

Love it! Going to put her fanny on the internet to give the kids a proper Christmas... it's like a modern Christmas fable... I hope she get's the miracle she is 'entitled' to.

Grin
eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 04/12/2024 13:50

Love it! Going to put her fanny on the internet to give the kids a proper Christmas... it's like a modern Christmas fable... I hope she get's the miracle she is 'entitled' to.

OAPapparently · 04/12/2024 13:50

HoppityBun · 04/12/2024 13:47

Nothing to do with the OP? The OP is a concerned friend. And the day we all take notice of “nothing to do with me” is the day MN falls silent

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Why jump on my comment? Others have said similar before me.

GanninHyem · 04/12/2024 13:49

She'll come down to earth with a bump when her purse is still empty but her fanny is out on the internet. It's not a guaranteed source of any income, and the top earners have done that type of thing for years, are savvy with social media and work way more than a FT time to guarantee they're getting the punters in.

If she genuinely was discriminated against, did she pursue this at all?

Onlyonekenobe · 04/12/2024 13:48

There's obviously a big backstory, but from what you say she sounds prone to feeling the victim and not taking responsibility for her choices and her life. Her partner did this, her in laws did that, her SIL is doing this, her employers did that - everybody seems to be at fault, not an awful lot of responsibility being shown by her. Maybe OnlyFans is her way of taking responsibility for herself (and the fact she doesn't understand the repercussions of doing that is again symptomatic of not taking responsibility for her choices). I don't think there's anything you can say to an immature adult with children, if they don't recognise their basic limitations, other than "grow up". And nobody wants to hear that, least of all from a 'friend'.

SweetBobby · 04/12/2024 13:47

Well there appears to be a long line of women lining up to sell themselves so unless she's planning anything outrageous, she won't earn a lot anyway.

HoppityBun · 04/12/2024 13:47

OAPapparently · 04/12/2024 13:26

To be honest, once upon a time I would have been shocked at someone wanting to do OnlyFans and thought they were crazy, but if she is attractive enough or has something that people would be interested in paying for then she might as well give it a go. Easy money if people are willing to pay.
It has nothing to do with you. She’s an adult, she can make her own choices.

Nothing to do with the OP? The OP is a concerned friend. And the day we all take notice of “nothing to do with me” is the day MN falls silent

Original poster
ZaraV · 04/12/2024 13:47

SilverChampagne · 04/12/2024 13:44

Extremely hard to believe!

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Coercive control

OP posts:
SilverChampagne · 04/12/2024 13:44

ZaraV · 04/12/2024 13:40

Family and ex partner

Show quote history

Extremely hard to believe!

Original poster
ZaraV · 04/12/2024 13:40

SilverChampagne · 04/12/2024 13:36

Who prevented her from working?

Family and ex partner

OP posts:
SilverChampagne · 04/12/2024 13:36

Who prevented her from working?

Original poster
ZaraV · 04/12/2024 13:34

MissCherryBrandy · 04/12/2024 13:29

How has she not managed to get a job in a year?

Was prevented from working for most of her life and she lost her last job due to mental health and she was discriminated against

OP posts:
OldTinHat · 04/12/2024 13:30

I'd be congratulating her on considering all options!

When you need money, you need money.

MissCherryBrandy · 04/12/2024 13:29

How has she not managed to get a job in a year?

Original poster
ZaraV · 04/12/2024 13:28

OAPapparently · 04/12/2024 13:26

To be honest, once upon a time I would have been shocked at someone wanting to do OnlyFans and thought they were crazy, but if she is attractive enough or has something that people would be interested in paying for then she might as well give it a go. Easy money if people are willing to pay.
It has nothing to do with you. She’s an adult, she can make her own choices.

I see what you mean but I’ve heard of stories of things going wrong. She is an attractive woman but doesnt fully see it but she feels she’s less than because she’s in her 30’s now and had her youth ruined by various people she trusted

OP posts:
DrZaraCarmichael · 04/12/2024 13:27

She's not getting what she is "entitled to" because she is living with a bunch of benefit thieves?
Boo hoo.

OAPapparently · 04/12/2024 13:26

To be honest, once upon a time I would have been shocked at someone wanting to do OnlyFans and thought they were crazy, but if she is attractive enough or has something that people would be interested in paying for then she might as well give it a go. Easy money if people are willing to pay.
It has nothing to do with you. She’s an adult, she can make her own choices.

Original poster
ZaraV · 04/12/2024 13:24

With regards to affording her holiday they saved and were able to as she had savings left over from work and her DH earns a decent wage but not loads if that makes sense. She was saying to me because of what she’s been through the past few years she wants to go mad and party on holiday (her kids sre looked after during rhat time) I get where’s she’s coming from but she needs to get a grip on her situation

OP posts: