Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my friend is crazy to consider this?

88 replies

ZaraV · 03/12/2024 18:22

Hello. My friend is in a bit of a rut with life. I’ll not go into too much details but she’s struggling to get back into work after losing her job last year. She’s on benefits but isn’t getting what she’s entitled to due to her DH wages. She’s just fed up and it’s put her in a bad place. I feel for her I really do. She told me she’s considering OnlyFans to help pay for an all out Christmas and for more spending money on her and DH’s holiday this month. I told her this could be dangerous and it’s also a very saturated market but she’s having none of it and says there’s not much she can do as she doesn’t want a boring Christmas and holiday after what she had to put up with the last few years. She’s also going off the rails a bit in terms with her boundaries with other people,

please suggest ways to tell her this isn’t a good idea and other ways to help her. Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 04/12/2024 15:48

ZaraV · 04/12/2024 14:42

Thanks. That’s what I’m trying to get at. This will likely make her self esteem worse. She feels insecure because she can’t get her fillers topped up because of how careful she has to be and is self conscious because her forehead is starting to line and she can’t get Botox. She’s getting frustrated because she’s not in work

Show quote history

Poor woman
Your "friend" really has some tragedies to face

anxiousmessallday · 04/12/2024 15:42

I now think since reading ops last update that this is a wind up thread !!

Christmaseason · 04/12/2024 15:40

It’s not a terrible idea.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 04/12/2024 15:40

ItGhoul · 04/12/2024 15:25

But if she doesn't mind doing that, I don't really see why that's a problem.

People who make money from stuff like OnlyFans are fully aware that there are other jobs available that don't 'require you to put your growler on the internet' and have actively made the choice to go with OnlyFans instead because for them, getting naked online feels like the preferable option to working shifts in a factory or cleaning offices or stacking shelves in Lidl or whatever. For you, OnlyFans might be your worst nightmare, but it isn't everyone's.

OP, your friend will almost certainly make no money on OnlyFans, but it's really none of your business. And if she doesn't make any money, then... so what? A few strangers will have seen her naked. It's not going to kill her.

Edited
Show quote history

I do agree it's personal choice.
However her motivation seems to be filler, botox and Christmas guilt... which for me - would not warrant selling my body. Again, personal choice about what is important in life.
I guess I am being super judgy as I can't afford botox and I work, fully clothed, for 40 hour a week.

Would I consider OF to feed/house my family? Yes.
Would I consider OF for a bit of lip filler? NO

Cosmosforbreakfast · 04/12/2024 15:30

She might be better off trying to pick up a job for Christmas, retail, hospitality, delivery, all good bets this time of the year, she may even be kept on when the season is finished.

You can tell her you're concerned for her safety and privacy on OF. There was a post here recently where someone said their daughter was offered money to claim she was on OF and that she was making a lot of money from it. There will be a lot of false claims about how much money is being made, maybe google and show her a few articles about it.

You're a good friend to be concerned about her but she is an adult and at the end of the day it's her decision to make.

DottieMoon · 04/12/2024 15:27

SilverChampagne · 03/12/2024 18:49

She isn’t getting what she’s entitled to? I imagine that means she isn’t actually entitled to it Hmm

I was thinking the same!

ItGhoul · 04/12/2024 15:25

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 04/12/2024 15:08

Most minimum waged jobs do not require you to put your growler on the internet...

Edited
Show quote history

But if she doesn't mind doing that, I don't really see why that's a problem.

People who make money from stuff like OnlyFans are fully aware that there are other jobs available that don't 'require you to put your growler on the internet' and have actively made the choice to go with OnlyFans instead because for them, getting naked online feels like the preferable option to working shifts in a factory or cleaning offices or stacking shelves in Lidl or whatever. For you, OnlyFans might be your worst nightmare, but it isn't everyone's.

OP, your friend will almost certainly make no money on OnlyFans, but it's really none of your business. And if she doesn't make any money, then... so what? A few strangers will have seen her naked. It's not going to kill her.

NiftyKoala · 04/12/2024 15:20

Annettecurtaintwitcher · 04/12/2024 14:33

Well, it’s completely up to her. It’s not illegal and she is an adult!

Sadly this. Nothing you can do. It's a terrible choice but it's hers.

whatnow5 · 04/12/2024 15:20

ZaraV · 04/12/2024 14:35

Well tbf she’s talking to this other man for emotional comfort as she feels her life is gonna crumble. She needs help. She says DH has his family fighting his corner but her family don’t get her and use her mistakes against her so she feels she need someone there for her. I don’t know. She says he’s only a friend but the danger is she’s in a vulnerable state and he’s her type

Show quote history

She’s on a downward spiral and she’s going to blow up her life. Unfortunately, the only person who can stop her is herself.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 04/12/2024 15:08

hamsandyams · 04/12/2024 15:06

Not empowering, but neither are most minimum wage jobs. She could try and get a Christmas temp job but would obviously prefer to do OF - which she is entitled to do. She probably won’t make much money, and that’s for her to find out.

But I’d probably work on sorting the benefits thing. So what if the family are “down” as living there. Be clear that they’re not.

As PP has said, sounds like she needs to shift away from the victim mentality.

Show quote history

Most minimum waged jobs do not require you to put your growler on the internet...

hamsandyams · 04/12/2024 15:06

Happyinarcon · 04/12/2024 14:42

One of these bot threads where everyone pretends Only Fans is empowering

Not empowering, but neither are most minimum wage jobs. She could try and get a Christmas temp job but would obviously prefer to do OF - which she is entitled to do. She probably won’t make much money, and that’s for her to find out.

But I’d probably work on sorting the benefits thing. So what if the family are “down” as living there. Be clear that they’re not.

As PP has said, sounds like she needs to shift away from the victim mentality.

InformerYaNoSayDaddyMeSnowMeIGoBlameALickyBoom · 04/12/2024 15:00

I've got no issue with OF at all, but it takes a lot of money to get it going and a lot of online presence to build a following.

It doesn't sound like she's got the cash to start or the energy to build a following.

I wouldn't mention anything though, just say the right platitudes and it's likely just a fleeting idea.

The situation with her housing/benefits sounds self inflicted, a house full of people trying to con a system and your friend is the unfortunate one who's losing out.

Bobbingtons · 04/12/2024 14:59

OAPapparently · 04/12/2024 13:26

To be honest, once upon a time I would have been shocked at someone wanting to do OnlyFans and thought they were crazy, but if she is attractive enough or has something that people would be interested in paying for then she might as well give it a go. Easy money if people are willing to pay.
It has nothing to do with you. She’s an adult, she can make her own choices.

I think there misconception most people have with OF is that it's easy money. I have a few friends on there and it's a full time job trying to make any money. It would require daily marketing via social media (usually multiple accounts on multiple sites) in addition she would need to provide content she may not be comfortable with unless she is exceptionally good looking to get anyone to pay. Usually daily new content and directly interacting with subscribers even if she gets any which can be incredibly time consuming.

MounjaroUser · 04/12/2024 14:58

She's seriously considering debt to give her family expensive presents? That's lunacy. She should tell them family gifts are off the cards this Christmas.

AConcernedCitizen · 04/12/2024 14:53

It'll come as a shock to your friend - as I'm sure it does to most people who think "Doing an OF" = Money, that it's not that easy, and most people fail hard.

The truth is, it's not as simple as posting pictures of your tits and arse on the internet and watching the money roll in. As hard as it may be to believe, there are already all manner of pictures of tits and arses all over the internet, for free!

Running a successful OF involves expert knowledge of video production and editing, marketing and social media management.

The oldest profession has become thoroughly modernized!

Spirallingdownwards · 04/12/2024 14:52

ZaraV · 04/12/2024 14:42

Thanks. That’s what I’m trying to get at. This will likely make her self esteem worse. She feels insecure because she can’t get her fillers topped up because of how careful she has to be and is self conscious because her forehead is starting to line and she can’t get Botox. She’s getting frustrated because she’s not in work

Show quote history

OK....

Spirallingdownwards · 04/12/2024 14:51

ZaraV · 04/12/2024 13:21

Thanks for all your replies. The reason she’s not getting what she’s entitled to is because she and her DH lives in a house that is his family members but they’re under as living there but not on the tenancy so the benefits office takes family members wages in consideration leaving her short while her SIL gets her childcare paid for as she claims single mum but isn’t. My friend is so fed up as the tenancy was meant to be handed over years ago. It’s caused arguments between her and her in laws and sometimes in the past her family. She feels screwed over. That’s not all. She’s going off the rails since her youngest was born

So she is getting what she is entitled to. She isn't entitled to more because if her living arrangements.

If she and her DH aren't happy with those when she is working again move out

DaftyLass · 04/12/2024 14:49

Maybe you should let her do what she needs and keep out

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 04/12/2024 14:48

ZaraV · 04/12/2024 14:42

Thanks. That’s what I’m trying to get at. This will likely make her self esteem worse. She feels insecure because she can’t get her fillers topped up because of how careful she has to be and is self conscious because her forehead is starting to line and she can’t get Botox. She’s getting frustrated because she’s not in work

Show quote history

Sorry what? Her desperate need is fillers and botox and a big Christmas? Honestly, I think only fans is her only hope... she clearly has the intelligence of a bin liner.

Anotherworrier · 04/12/2024 14:48

ZaraV · 04/12/2024 14:46

Also she feels the pressure this year with the holiday and her family expect her to get them expensive Christmas presents every year and berate her if she doesn’t. She thinks it’s either OnlyFans or debt

It will be debt, she’ll make nothing

Tell her to get a Xmas temp job and stop creating more problems for herself (in a kinder but to the point way).

Original poster
ZaraV · 04/12/2024 14:47

Anotherworrier · 04/12/2024 14:45

She won’t make any money. To be successful it’s a full time job and she cba to work right now.

Just to add - she is getting the benefits she’s entitled to, they just take into account the income of the household as a whole.

She’s applying for jobs but not getting accepted because of her cv and she’s got 3 kids who are 3 1/2 and under

OP posts:
Original poster
ZaraV · 04/12/2024 14:46

Also she feels the pressure this year with the holiday and her family expect her to get them expensive Christmas presents every year and berate her if she doesn’t. She thinks it’s either OnlyFans or debt

OP posts:
Anotherworrier · 04/12/2024 14:45

She won’t make any money. To be successful it’s a full time job and she cba to work right now.

Just to add - she is getting the benefits she’s entitled to, they just take into account the income of the household as a whole.

Original poster
ZaraV · 04/12/2024 14:42

Sia8899 · 04/12/2024 14:30

If her mental health is really bad then doing OF won’t do her any favours in the long run. And it’s also probably a reason she’s considering it - in general mentally healthy and secure women don’t consider taking their clothes off (and more) for money to be a better option than an employed job. It seems like easy money but it takes an emotional toll. Among other things, although OF is popular, there is still the chance of your family/children/next employer seeing your photos.

There’s also zero chance of her making much money at all unless she already has a SM following, let alone making money before Christmas

I say all this as a former cam model who is older and wiser now

Thanks. That’s what I’m trying to get at. This will likely make her self esteem worse. She feels insecure because she can’t get her fillers topped up because of how careful she has to be and is self conscious because her forehead is starting to line and she can’t get Botox. She’s getting frustrated because she’s not in work

OP posts:
Happyinarcon · 04/12/2024 14:42

One of these bot threads where everyone pretends Only Fans is empowering