Annoyed at DB thoughtless birthday gift

It's rubbish isn't it. I have siblings similar and throw a strop if I miss their kids birthdays. I decided after last year and this year when we had a few big birthdays and to not even receive a text that I'm not bothering with any texts, cards, presents any more and that goes for the in-laws too.

I was raised in two extended families that didn’t do Christmas or birthday gifts between aunts/uncles/nieces/nephews/cousins/adult siblings despite everyone being extremely close so that seems perfectly normal to me. A quick call or text is plenty & couple of my aunts & uncles send cards and that’s lovely. Gift giving is only one of many ways to show love and I actually think it has even less weight when it becomes a perceived obligation around holidays and birthdays. I also think people just have a wide range of expectations around how big of a deal should be made of birthdays TBH - even two decades into adult life I’m still taken aback on a regular basis by what some people see as the norm.

But I do think it’s perfectly reasonable to (non-confrontationally) point out to your DB that one of your DC has been getting a card and the other hasn’t, and say “maybe you just don’t have a reminder set up for DC2?” That’s an easy fix and likely an oversight as you said.

And (while I definitely do not think gift giving needs to be symmetrical) if you’d like to scale down on what you do for his DC then it’s absolutely ok to do so. I wouldn’t do it as some sort of tit-for-tat message, though; your gift giving (or cards or visits or…) for your nieces & nephews is about your relationship with them. Don’t prioritize making a point to your DB over that relationship.

There is no need for this to be a big drama, if you don't won't to get his kids presents then don't. He doesn't want to get your kid a present so why try and force him.
Tell your lad that you all aren't doing presents any more. He will take your lead on how upset he is about it. If you are upset and cross about it then he will be but if you aren't then chances are he will just accept it.

Did he buy a gift?

Start sending a generic card for his kids - I spent years thinking about gifts from my sister, her DH and SS - only for her to forget all my kids birthdays and rarely buy anything for Christmas - I took the hint and reciprocated - far less stress now.

came on to say this!

Also wondering how Christmas gifts work?

He's your brother.
I don't understand why you can't say

a) can you put yourself a reminder to get dc2 a birthday card please, or not bother with either of them. It is upsetting for dc1 to get one each year and not dc2.

and

b) Let's make a decision what we are doing about presents, as I had assumed we would get them for each others' dc, but you haven't been, so shall we say "No present" for any of them from now on then ? What about Christmas ? As it seems a bit joyless to me, but it also seems very one-sided at the moment.

I don't understand people not being able to speak to their own siblings.

What would he do if you just stop sending gifts for his DC? If he mentions it then just say "oh, I thought we weren't doing gifts for DC?" and look confused. He can't then throw a huff without looking like a total hypocrite.

My dc have never even received a card from my db. I’m lucky if I get a text! That said, it would annoy me, particularly that dc2 doesn’t get anything.

Let him huff!

I had a similar situation with my db and I said "please don't buy for dd1 if you aren't also going to buy for dd2". He took it surprisingly well and did set a reminder for dd2 on subsequent years.

Is he 10?

If he sends the exact same card perhaps that is traditional now? Pretty crap about DC2 though. I'd just ask him not to bother and release him from the obligation

Seems a bit thoughtless. I wouldn’t mind a card ‘from a website’ and often use those myself as it’s a one-stop shop with no faffing about with stamps.
Have you had a conversation with him about this? Perhaps raise it as a ‘ shall we just not do presents for the kids? ‘ See what his response is.

Why don’t you say something??