Annoyed at DB thoughtless birthday gift

So?

So what if he gets the huff, he’s being a prick.

I doubt he will - much more likely he will say "Yeah great!"

Men generally don't enjoy gift shopping or planning thoughtful gifts. They would be perfectly happy not to bother.

Let him throw a huff. Then you huff more than he does. What have you got to lose?

Sounds like you need to throw a huff for a change.

So? Let him get huffy but you should still say something. Maybe by text, so he can have his huff without an audience.

I get you’re annoyed with DB over your DC’s lack of gift - so I’d just tell him not to bother if he can’t remember both from now on.

Not sure I’d penalise my DNs by not buying them a gift out of pique that their dad is a twat, though. I’d buy my niece/nephew gifts from me/their cousins because our relationship with them is separate to the one we’d have with their father. Am also guessing that DB is divorced /separated as you don’t mention a SiL. Despite it being 2024, it still tends to be the wives who buy the gifts, so am guessing that she/the ex is no longer on hand to do this?

Again, I’d probably brush over DB’s lack of gifts going forward. If your DCs ask, just be honest - he’s a useless pratt who probably only remember’s his own kids birthdays because their mother reminds him.

I happily knocked niece and nephew gift giving on the head years ago! Just have the conversation to end both ways, much easier.

My dbro is terrible for this. He never sends anything, but I've always sent things his dcs really wanted, and not cheap things. Last year I said I would buy something from him for my kids if he did the same, but then ended up doing both! I've switched to gift cards for his dcs now for every occasion. I barely see/know his dcs and although they're lovely children, the faff and expense of sorting their gifts every occasion and then my own dcs getting zero from him, has put me off doing it anymore

In these scenarios I can’t help but wonder what these people do for a living. Clearly lacking all the soft skills. Has a lack of critical thinking. Lazy. Can’t count the “humans to birthday cards” ratio.

Even if he’s a business owner. You have to be slightly likeable to win the clients.

And yet he has loads of money, sending his kids to private school

YANBU Op. but I’m a bit jealous that such a lazy human has such a decent paying job 😂

Bit weird not to say anything.

If doing anything makes you feel like 'such a fool', then stop doing it.

My dB is the same, none of mine get even a birthday/Christmas card from him. I buy his dc Christmas/Easter/birthday presents because it's not dns fault he's a useless man child. I then never get a thank you but do get comments back that they were not impressed with the present (not expensive enough I spend £20-30, a card game which dn asked for as loves to play it at ours meant they had to play too) so all thoughtful gifts but never good enough. My dc actually asked me why I continue and I said because we rise above these things and your cousins haven't done anything to deserve not getting a gift. I am trying to rise above it it and think of my dns not my dB.

Because the OP wants to be a martyr rather than engage using communication skills.

I never understand these threads. If you constantly make an effort for someone's birthday/Christmas etc and they don't reciprocate, then stop. End of

Gifts/cards for nieces/nephews are a bonus and not to be expected surely? We don’t send any cards/gifts to nieces/nephews unless invited to a party and wouldn’t expect any in return. Never really thought this was something relatives might expect tbh.

I agree with the "let's stop going presents for the kids" approach and explain why if he remonstrates.

Edited to add: it doesn't have to be a row or a thing (unless he is an unrealonable ass, in which you have a diffetent problem). Just a neutral statement to the effect od, you make minimal effort, so let's save the trouble.

My neices live abroad. They, and their family, are lovely, but we didn't see much of them. At one point BIL suggested that we stop doing presents (in both direction) because of the problem of choosing something suitable for someone whose changing interests you didn't know, and getting it to them. So we did. Amicable, sensible, no drama.

Ds (#3 having got two big sisters) only once received a present from one of his uncles, even the year we had seen them a week before and ds' birthday was discussed. His sisters got one about every 2-3 years.

How only received that because he then had a child and having sent his hugely expensive unasked for gift list for his child's birthday, my mil asked which we were choosing. So feeling a bit snarky, I said that I was going to sent a present proportional to the value of presents my dc had received that year. Which equalled nothing.

She obviously relayed this back to him because ds received a present and card three months late with aforementioned gift list repeated in the envelope. I chose a present not on the gift list, but about 5 times the price of ds', because his present was easily to be found on the shelves of the pound shop in town.

I don't think his uncle has every forgiven him for being a boy and depriving him of the chance to have the only grandsons, and certainly the first grandson.

Just don’t buy presents for his kids. It’s not a big deal.

I think you need to stop buying for his kids. I’m unsure if he does Xmas presents. If yes, just stick to giving them presents at Xmas in return.

I he doesn’t bother with Xmas either, I really would stop right now.

My brother is the same.

I don't understand why you go to such lengths for his kids?

probably because she’s not giving them gifts for her DB sake, OPs buying because they are her Niece/nephews

Justk knock it on the head.
Why are you frightened of him getting mood he's not worried about you?

I don't understand why you go to such lengths for his kids? Also, my DS' uncles and aunties don't buy him anything unless they see him really. And then it's something very small. It genuinely never occurred to me to expect more from siblings, I've never even thought about it before.

Hey bro just to let you know we're not doing kids presents anymore

Happy to do a group outing and put the money on spending time together instead 😉

Done

Stop buying for his kids and send them all the same card . Let him see directly what he is doing.