Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder is it better to meet parents at home or out for the first time?

30 replies

EvieR · 03/12/2024 15:42

The caveat is my boyfriend of a year has met my mum but not my dad yet. So really it's meeting him for the first time.

Either we:

  1. Have dinner out and see the Xmas lights etc in local area. Less focus on conversation/each other maybe

  2. Have food here and watch a favourite Xmas movie. More relaxed?

Would you have any preference?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
StripeyDeckchair · 03/12/2024 19:31

Why would you introduce people who've never met & then sit in silence & watch a film?
Surely the point of them meeting is to chat & get to know each other

Hayley1256 · 03/12/2024 19:10

If you do host then get some games rather than a movie (herd mentality, quiz games etc) it will help break any ice

Original poster
EvieR · 03/12/2024 18:02

@NewName24 I know what you're saying

As a family we've gone through a hard time this winter and we're all emotionally exhausted. I'm looking for ways to find a balance where we can just take it easy but also chat.

OP posts:
NewName24 · 03/12/2024 17:53

Watching a movie doesn't sounds either relaxing or a good way to get to know someone a little bit.

Invite them round for dinner, by all means, but surely conversation is the way to get to know new people.

I agree with everyone else though, going to an event (maybe a light trail or a Christmas market) is probably less intimidating in the first place and gives everyone something else to focus on in lulls in the conversation.

YourRubyBeaker · 03/12/2024 17:37

I think I would go with out.

However, I have literally never dated as an adult I’ve been with DH since I was a teen and we got married when I was 18 so my mum and met him in the general course of school life.

Loopytiles · 03/12/2024 17:36

even if you host would avoid the movie!

Original poster
EvieR · 03/12/2024 17:35

Tuhlula · 03/12/2024 17:31

Is she a home body?
I guess it would be relaxing for her, but not others as it's not their home.

Show quote history

I think she's somewhere in the middle!

Honestly I think she just likes the idea of someone else making the food, so going out still solves things hopefully! Thanks!

OP posts:
goingdownfighting · 03/12/2024 17:34

What does your boyfriend prefer?

BlueMum16 · 03/12/2024 17:32

Definitely go out.

Tuhlula · 03/12/2024 17:31

EvieR · 03/12/2024 16:59

It was actually my mum's suggestion! She thought it sounded relaxing...

Show quote history

Is she a home body?
I guess it would be relaxing for her, but not others as it's not their home.

LlynTegid · 03/12/2024 17:13

Another person who agrees with option 1.

Original poster
EvieR · 03/12/2024 16:59

Tuhlula · 03/12/2024 16:11

Definitely 1. Why would you put everyone through the intensity of option 2.

It was actually my mum's suggestion! She thought it sounded relaxing...

OP posts:
Hayley1256 · 03/12/2024 16:51

I'd go out

Original poster
EvieR · 03/12/2024 16:50

We'd be at my house and I'm pretty sure everyone knows me 😀

Anyway it would be good and chat first then maybe a Xmas movie after.

It's looking like option 1...

OP posts:
SereneCapybara · 03/12/2024 16:35

We always go for neutral ground. DH and I did when meeting each other's parents (and introducing them to each other) and also when meeting DC's partners for the first time. But they soon ended up as fixtures in our homes.

50shadesofnay · 03/12/2024 16:27

Definitely scenario 1. Both parties can leave when they want to, there is no pressure on one party to be in "host" mode or the other party to feel on edge being in someone else's home. Also, how do you get to know someone watching a movie? A chat over dinner is great, a chat over a film is the worst!

VeryCheesyChips · 03/12/2024 16:24

Oh my god the watching a film at the house of someone you don’t know sounds excruciating.

Definitely mutual territory option!

xILikeJamx · 03/12/2024 16:20

Absolutely 100% definitely option 1

bananaboats · 03/12/2024 16:19

Definitely 1

Caffeineismydrug35 · 03/12/2024 16:13

Definitely 1.

Arlanymor · 03/12/2024 16:12

First one - neutral territory and a meal somewhere informal, like a pub. Sitting in someone's home is more stressful when you've not met them before, plus you can't get to know someone during a movie as you shouldn't be talking!

Tuhlula · 03/12/2024 16:11

Definitely 1. Why would you put everyone through the intensity of option 2.

toomuchfaff · 03/12/2024 16:10

1 - neutral. Everyone can leave or go theor own way if they want, if something is uncomfortable, there's an out. If you invite to the home, then the only way out is to throw the guest out.. which isn't the best.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 03/12/2024 15:56

Out for sure. You do t get to know anyone watching a movie.

Hoppinggreen · 03/12/2024 15:55

EvieR · 03/12/2024 15:44

Also I'm very nervous because my dad is hard to please with my boyfriends!

Well good job its you that needs to like him rather than your Dad then

Swipe left for the next trending thread