Little one is flower girl for someone else's wedding. Expensive!!

She can just wear them for things after though. For parties or maybe even a nativity role at nursery or something. Or you could sell them as being worn once.

My boys were page boys/flower boys/something of that ilk when they were 5 and 2. The then 5 year old has multiple disabilities and we were quite worried about him coping, however it was my brother and his first wife getting married and they were very reassuring and lovely about it all. I naively assumed that the then 2 year old would perform his responsibilities as requested. I don’t know what I was thinking. DS1 managed spectacularly well and loved his starring role, however it turned out afterwards that he’d managed to get himself into every single photo. DS2 picked up his share of the flower petals to scatter, bunged them all in a disorganised heap at the very beginning of the aisle, and then refused to walk any further. He spent the rest of the wedding either making his way through a family sized pack of biscuits (I know, I know 🤦‍♀️) or half asleep in his buggy. He was two. I should have known.

It is an honour.
I would expect to pay for everything except the dress and flowers for her hair.
I don't think it's unusual for bridesmaids to have to buy their own shoes, tights or cardigan but older bridesmaids usually have their hairdresser paid for and flowergirls too.
Buy a hair ribbon at the haberdashery section.

I would expect the dress to be provided, but wouldn't have an issue buying the other bits.

I think we bought our flower girl the dress and shoes as we wanted her to wear shoes that she wouldn't wear again. We bought our pageboy's suit but he wanted to wear his trainers which he already owned.

Are you sure the photos are outside, we went to a wedding last week and they had some photos inside the church and some at the reception venue, inside because of the weather. If the photos are inside surely she can wear any coat and just take it off when you get to the venue. For her hair just let her pick a clip she already has.

My Sister and I were once promised we’d be flower girls. At the last minute it was announced it would just be the bride’s new step daughters. My sisters and I winged about it for probably a decade afterwards/our entire childhood & mentioned it to the bride/Mum’s cousin. Neither of us ever got the opportunity to be flower girls.

I think weddings are expensive and that this is unreasonable but brides tend to get distracted because weddings are generally a circus.

I would just deduct the cost from what you would have spent on a gift if you weren’t part of the bridal party. She’ll probably buy your dd a sweet gift or be appreciative or make it up to her in some other way down the track so it’s best to be gracious. Enjoy the memories and the photos and the gift of confidence that she got to be a flower girl in someone’s wedding !

I couldn’t get het up about this. My girls have been flower girls at a family member’s wedding. I bought their dresses, cardis, hair accessories, shoes etc. Would not have thought for one second about asking the bride & groom to pay.

and now to top it off, I have to do her own hair on the day and buy a headpiece/Clip. Something I thought would be made with matching flowers or even matching material from bridesmaid's dresses

This suggests you are being a bit precious / over-valuing your DD's importance in the day, or just looking to be annoyed. Surely nobody expects a 2 year old to have their hair professionally done, and with a bespoke hair clip?!

Why would a 2 year old have shoes, a coat and tights suitable to wear to a wedding? My kids didn’t at 2. Not sure if crocs and a Parker would look the part. Even at 10 and 7 they still would need a new outfit for a wedding.

£50 is a huge amount of money to some of us.

So I had a January wedding with a bridesmaid who was a bit younger than 2 😂 I got the dress and honestly it didn't cross my mind to sort anything else. I'm imagining they don't have kids and have a whole wedding to plan, they are so unlikely to be acting selfishly those details just aren't on their radar.
The venue will be warm and I'm sure they're not expecting her to be outside for ages just quickly for photos, as people have said she could wear a normal coat and take it off quickly for photos. The parents of our flower girl got her a cardi which was fine by us but to be honest I hadn't thought about paying for that at all. If my little one was invited to be involved in a wedding party I would have any expectations past the dress or suit.

They sound thoughtless, op. I had a mid winter wedding, and picked a style of dress that my flower girls could wear thermals under, as well as making cute fur wraps and muffs for them. Paid for the shoes as well.

There’s a cost of living crisis and I would t appreciate having to buy stuff that won’t get worn again (if it’s not instantly destroyed by a 2 year old being 2) for someone else’s Instagram moment.

Well that's extra information! I hope you all have a very good time.

My dd has been a flower girl a few times. Each one in lousey weather. Each one expensive. I cannot imagine them upset if your dd has a coat on except for the pictures. Also 2 is a bad idea on their end. Even at 5 my daughter forgot to throw the petals till the alter. The ring boys 3 and 4 got half way to the alter and had a rest with relatives they saw in the seats.

She can have a coat or a cloak to wear outside and take off indoors for the ceremony, that's the usual thing for a winter wedding. You can pick up some really nice and appropriate things on ebay and the like. Put some flowers on a headband for her hair. She'll look lovely.

I feel like you're nit picking. Children's tights, shoes and cardigans don't cost much and she can wear them again. You don't need to get a 2 year olds hair professionally done either, just make it neat.

Something about weddings just makes people find fault or offence, and make it about themselves. Would you have been offended if she wasn't asked to be a flower girl? The couple probably haven't thought to offer to buy tights because they didn't ask her to wear them, and they assume she has shoes.

I'm going to a winter wedding - thermals all the way!
A friend had a winter wedding with a young bridesmaid and she ensured the little one had a fleece lined stole to wrap around her. It had decorative material on the outside - was perfect and suitable.
Bride at this wedding could have been much more imaginative with warm layers for your little one and looked perfectly bridesmaidy too!

I don't think anyone benefits from getting overly prescriptive about the roles of small children at weddings. I don't think I've ever seen a flower girl actually sprinkling petals in real life either, for that matter.

That's not a flower girl though is it? A flower girl means you scatter flower petals down the aisle as one of the bride's assistants. A baby at the wedding is just... a baby at a wedding. Which doesn't mean they're not much loved and much appreciated by the family!

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. You can buy her a pair of cream tights in Asda for a few quid, put a t shirt under the dress, put her nicest coat over it and just take it off when you get indoors, and I am willing to bet she has some cute gold or silver shoes but if not you can buy them on Vinted for less than a fiver.

As for getting her hair done?! She is a toddler. Just comb her hair and stick a nice clip in it.

She should wear something warm enough and they should pay for it. Unless they are happy for her to wear something she already has

Honestly, I'd absolutely expect to do my childs hair myself, and would use her existing clips and elastics. She doesn't need a fancy tiara or anything, she's 2 years old, and not the bride!

I'd put her in her "party" shoes, and I'd put her normal coat on outside for all but the actual photos she's in, where she'd just be in her dress, surely. I might buy tights, or might just put her in regular long white socks, but I'd expect to provide underwear anyway, and it's a very minimal expense. I'd probably take a regular plain cardi with me if she was cold inside at the party, but doubt she'd need it.

OP, are you sure you're not buying a lot of fancy things your DD doesn't need because of your desire to dress her up in a lot of fancy accessories? She's not the star of this show! The parts of the wedding she's actually in, she'll be expected to be just in her dress, the other parts any cardi/coat will do.

I was thinking this exactly! My DD was a flower girl aged 4 and she was JUST about ok, but it was hit and miss whether she'd just cut and run when walking down the aisle. And my other daughter was almost 2 at the same wedding, wearing a beautiful cream and yellow dress, toddled around and tripped over, cut her chin and bled all over it! Good thing she wasn't expected to be in lots of photos!

Perhaps she's their family and they love her and have reasonable expectations for her behaviour but still want her included?

My DD was a "flower girl" as a newborn and spent the ceremony screaming in another room, but it's what you do with family isn't it.

To be honest in this situation you should have put your child in something more suitable. My kids slob about in joggies etc but they’re told to dress appropriately for the occasion.

parents need to parent.

Entirely missing the point of the thread but why does somebody want a two year old to be a flower girl? The kid will either be terrified, asleep, or wandering off into the crowd.