Lunch with another woman

They did all meet up together. But why should they have to in Every occasion?

If my OH has told me not to see a friend alone id have told him to get stuffed. The mistake this guy made was agreeing to it

Oh wow how she must have loved that he chose to see her secretly, and that he chose to go out with her instead of you, how they would have bonded over your @unreasonabablenss" your "misinterpreting" of their friendship

I think you are doubting your own intuition because you are being gaslit a bit by him

Trust your intuition

If it was an innocent friendship you would have meet up all together including you and her husband

Tryst yourself

After that I calmly asked DP if he could only meet her when me and her partner are there as it felt uncomfortable for me the thought of her flirting with him without me there.

Such a request is just so not ok and controlling. If you say you trust him, you need to get your insecurities and disike of this woman in check.

Anyone who would tell me who I can and cannot see and under which conditions wouldn't have a place in my life, I am no longer 8.

It's not about banning, it's about having conversations about what makes you uncomfortable and if you can't both find a way forward then yes the right thing to do is end the relationship

Personally I would have ended it at the mere suggestion of bedroom sharing, but then I like myself enough to feel I deserve a partner who treats me with respect.

If you don't trust someone fine, don't go out with them, but up you can't ban some from seeing someone alone. where does that stop?

Do you flirt continuously and go on holiday and share a bedroom though? If you were at a party would you studiously ignore his new girlfriend?

There's a whole world between truly platonic friendships and what op is describing.

But is your behaviour round him flirty? Or his?

See I have a male friend that I regularly see alone. There never has been or will be any sexual relationship but id be a bit pissed off that we couldn't chat without a girlfriend being there.

My OH has no issues with it either

Exactly!

Absolute rubbish

I'd run a mile from a partner who told me who 8 could or couldn't meet. Yes, you are the red flag.

And the point is, People are going to encounter people they are attracted to from time to time. What matters is the boundaries they put in place when that happens. Do they shut down the flirtation or lean into it ...

A decent man would have shut down her flirty behaviour straight away. Dump him now before you commit to him further.

Plus there is literally no way to render your relationship affair-proof by restricting your relationships, unless you live in a locked box.

Some examples of marriage-ending affairs among people I know were a man having an affair with his toddler’s married childminder, a man falling for a woman delivering things to a temporary workplace, and an affair that arose between two people who first ‘met’ on a school WhatsApp group for parents of children with SEN.

I think you are both wrong TBH.
I don't think it was reasonable for you to ask him not to meet her alone, but having agreed to that it certainly wasn't right for him to do it behind your back.
After that meeting it would have been perfectly OK to have raised with him and discussed the way she behaved, that it was rude, inappropriate, etc, but asking not to meet her alone sounds a big jump to me.

I think that if you're in a relationship, it's a good idea not to put yourself in situations where you might cheat.

Sorry what? I can put myself where i want. There are no situations where I might cheat.

OP do not listen to this “advice”

Yes of course. But in this instance op wanted to go. Surely if your husband would like to be included you would?

There are plenty of times I wouldn’t want go with my DH, and vice versa; but if I’d said can I be included I’d be thrown if he did it behind my back.

I think people are being a bit unfair to op acting as if she traipses along everywhere with him. The partner went on holiday with this woman before op witnessed the dynamic which she felt was off.

My point really was why , since she’d explained she’d like to attend, could he not have included her and ensured op was treated normally? There’s only really one or two answers to that - one of which is he didn’t care to, the other is he knows the other woman won’t or can’t act normally.

Pulling the “ have some space” argument isn’t totally fair in this situation.

OP I have two male friends. We do lunches a movie but what we don't do is flirt. That she is flirty and he let's her is not a good sign.

Bringing your partner every time you want to see your friend is definitely not a sign of functional social individuals. Being able to spend time alone with your friends is very healthy in any relationship. The same way it's healthy to spend time on your own sometimes with your kids or other family. I would have hated to bring my husband every time I went to see a friend.

Well we can’t be completely sure … some people probably do get off on that kind of thing.

But I wouldn’t, and clearly you don’t, and so OP is not alone in the fact that she obviously doesn’t either.

Very few people would need to give up a friendship; most would be ok to just bring their partner and make them feel decently included like functioning social individuals.

@GoldsolesLugs Well then it's a done deal I guess. She said he's not allowed to see his friend unless she is there, he saw his friend anyway meaning the relationship is doomed.

It is unreasonable to say to someone they can't see their friend on their own so I don't blame him for doing it anyway but it's crossing a line for OP meaning none of them can be happy if they are going to be together. Giving up a friendship that you value is too much of a compromise for most people surely.

This