Why is my money his money?

I thought the same. That's exactly how to deal with a sudden job loss.

Ops partner has not dealt with his unemployment with anything like the same urgency.

My DH debts which effect me in no way will have no bearing on me divorced or not. I am not going to be ordered by a judge to pay off his student loans, his car repayments or his credit cards that I am not named on and have no access too etc...

Even when married you have separate debts.

Kudos to this poster, she's a perfect example to put to your chap.

Also, I'd hate the idea of sitting down together & working out who is paying for what & who is owed something on a particular month, especially if children are involved. If it works for you that's a choice. It's wrong to say its terrible advice for all married couples to equally share their finances & fiancial responsibilities if they are both happy with this lifestyle.

@housethatbuiltme that's ideologically great, but you're married. It comes with financial ties. If you divorce and assets are divided you're financial assets & debts are assessed. As OP said she was and then wasn't married (?) who knows for her!
If unmarried and he goes into debt it's not part of a marriage, and if they go their separate ways, they're not financially tied by marriage. Originally she said she was married.
The financial separation of a married couple is far more expensive and time consuming than the divorce paperwork. My divorce only cost about £400 years ago, but I'd feel sad if I think about the money lost of financial separation part, (so I try to forget about it and ours was fairly straightforward).
When advising people that their advice is wrong, RTFT.

Thats ok if it works for you. Everyone has their own views regarding financial situations in marriage. My DH has always been the bigger earner. We have a joint account & any other savings accounts etc belong to us both equally.He wouldn't have it any other way & it's one of the things I admire about him. I'd do the same if I was the bigger earner.

He's been out of work for a year - that's not short term.

He's also being a bit choosy about his job applications, which he cannot afford to do given how long he's been out of work. Do you think it's reasonable to be picky about what he applies for when he's been unemployed for 12 months?

If you were OP's partner would you also be sitting on your backside not doing any housework? And demanding she hand over her life savings when you have previously never shared your finances?

MNHQ can if you contact them.

How is a year 'short term'? He can get work, he can't afford to be choosy.

I don't think he's entitled to your savings married or not. It might sound shitty but let's face it. You'd be fucked if you used your savings as would he if roles were reversed.

Tell him to shape up or fuck right off. He's not above any job that's out there and he needs to get out of that mindset.. he's had a year dossing at home doing sweet fuck all - time to grow up and pick up the responsibilities hat again. If he doesn't, be glad you haven't married him .. easier to get him to fuck!

Well this quite hysterical.

He has been paying his half (as all adults should) out of his savings and has refused to talk about it until he ran out. that does not scream partnership or life planning at all. His money was always his own while earning, and he is not contributing any time/effort on the domestic front. That doesn't screa; lifeti;e and partnership either.

OP protecting her own savings for her own rainy day is not punishment of her partner, it is common sense. The fact that he no longer has savings is the logical, predictable and inevitable result of him not working for an entire year.

OP has also been providing a lifeline already in paying more of the bills/food/petrol/rent increase, not to mention being the live-in maid. She is not responsible for the professional or financial choices of another adult, all she has to do is decide if she can live with them. Or not - which would be my vote.

He has been out of work for over a year.

He is being picky about jobs.

He does sod all on the domestic front, expecting the OP to hold down full time work, all the domestic work and now a second job on top.
He has had a lifeline for over a year.

When both were working he kept his own savings and income despite the OP doing all the household tasks.
He is not even pretending to be in a team here so he doesn't deserve to be treated as part of a team.

Its the busiest time of the retail, hospitality and logistics year. He needs to lower his sights, get off his backside and get some temporary work instead of being picky. At the very least he could do the housework (which is presumably also beneath him).

@LondonPapa So what excuse can you give him for not pulling his weight on the domestic front while the OP is working fulltime. And do you think he was right to suggest she got a second job to keep him as King Slob?

He has been contributing and now he is broke. He has actively tried to find work, he hasn't been successful so now you are punishing him further by not supporting him in the short-term.

If I were your other half, I'd be considering my options as to sustain my share with savings until I'm broke while searching for work and then not being given a temporary lifeline from the woman I thought I'd be with until die (married or not), through thick and thin, is quite the shock.

Well it's coming up to Christmas and lots of shops are looking for staff over the festive period. Same with pubs.
He needs to get a job so he gets one. Anything that means that he gets paid over the coming weeks.
It may not be his chosen career but it does mean money is coming in.

Don't move any savings to current accounts. If you're not married to him and there are no kids involved, you could kick him out and he'd have to go to the council to be housed.

He needs to take anything at this point, temp agency work or whatever. He's got a nice big gap in his CV now and it won't look good.
We'd all love to only take jobs we love or our dream job but have bills to pay and like to eat regularly.
He's turning into a cocklodger now.

No wonder you feel resentful op.

Id leave the lazy sponger. Hes taking you for a mug.

Yes he can - they make a joint claim and her income is factored into it. Depending on how much OP earns it is worth speaking to CA to get an assessment as to whether they are eligible.

Nope... thats how financial abuse happens and is terrible advice.

Each half of a marriage should have their own savings, in fact the partner doesn't even have a right to know about it. Do you know how many people can't flee abuse because their savings are drained by their partner?

My DH debt is not really my business, I have never had any debt in my life but he has car payments, student loan repayments, credit card payment... all under his name and all his problem.

If your partner was unwell or disabled it could be harder to get a new job.i have two friends that have been home for a year. Both normally earn £120k. Those jobs are very sort after. They are both marketeers. However when I have been between contracts I have worked in warehouses and I'm a big cheese. I prefer to be contributing and it's good for your mental health.
Sorry but if you're not married spending your savings keeping your boyfriend is very unwise. He could leave when your genorousity runs out.

This man is such an ick. I’ll never understand women who let men treat them like a 1950s housewife.

If I came home and the dishes were still in the sink I’d throw an absolute fit if my husband had been sat on his arse all day ‘applying for jobs’. I’ve been out of work before for 3 months. It’s rubbish and I sympathise, but it doesn’t take 8 hours a day to apply for jobs. What is he doing in the downtime he has? Surely once you write a great generic cover letter, the only thing to do is send it out to various companies.

In this time he could have got any job to bring money in. The fact he’s expecting you to use your savings to support him is crazy and you’re crazy to even consider it. Do not marry this man.

Eh? I didn't say they weren't paying 50/50 now. I said it wasn't 50/50 before he lost his job which she was fine about. It was "proportional" then, but it wasn't "proportional" after he lost his job as he was still paying despite not having an income. So maybe when he gets a job again they'll keep it 50/50. She can pay half the rent and half the bills rather than a third less. Fairs fair.

See if he was previously all ‘my money’ I can get why you’d be pissed off but saying that if you’re both all in in terms of the relationship then you’re all in. I’d tell him if he was a bit of a shit before over sharing money

Why are you ignoring that OP pays all the bills, food etc? The point is they are paying 50/50.

Does only rent matter? Who do you think pays the bills and food, the tooth fairy?

Try again. 'fifty fifty proportionally' was when he was the higher earner and it wasn't 50/50. He was paying a third more and all the holidays. Since he lost his job he has continued to pay the rent except for the small increase.