Why is my money his money?

I left my old job last year , I had some money in my account to cover a couple of months. I applied and got a job working for Royal Mail over Christmas , night shift . It wasn't a long term plan but we needed my wage. I’m now in another job, have been for 8 months
There are jobs out there, seasonal jobs, so you can work if you want too
I don't understand why people aren't working, I have kids so I could do the school run whilst working nights. My DH works shifts so you make it work .

If you aren't married then of course YANBU. Getting married means pooling your finances for better or for worse and most certainly whichever partner is bringing in more money it all gets shared. It was confusing that you called him DH in the OP.

Absolutely you should ring-fence your own resources now for the time being.

The question is - is he just a boyfriend or is he a genuine partner? Do you have kids together? If this is a partnership then maybe you might need to subsidise him because he won't be entitled to any benefits for as long as he is living with you, but the flip side of that is that he cannot expect to be subsidised for long and will have to take whatever unpleasant minimum wage job is available rather than waiting around for a well-paid perfect opportunity. If he's just a boyfriend and can no longer afford the lifestyle he wants then he may need to move out because you don't need a cocklodger in your life.

You referred to him as DH (darling husband) so you can see why we concluded you are married 🙄 I think YABU because what choice is there assuming that he has genuinely been seeking work and the bills have to be paid. That is unless you are prepared to separate from him.

I would certainly be having a conversation with him about his view of ‘his money’ when he earned more than you, but it sounds like you weren’t on your uppers at the time, whereas he is. If he has used up his savings to pay his way. What more should he do? Maybe you need to take a long, hard look at your relationship. It doesn’t seem as if you see it as a true ‘team’, with each being there for each other when times are difficult!

"I will cover all the bills if you cover all of the housework. Here is a list of everything I do in the house, you need to do it as you are at home all day. You sign on to get JSA and sign up to agencies to get any sort of work in the meantime. Until that happens, I will not cover everything"

Harsh but needed. He is navel gazing and contributing nothing, that HAS to stop.

You've referred to him as your DH which means dear husband hence people presuming. marriage

Is this post a genuine post? There's so many weird holes in it, and such a lack of concrete info that I can't help but think you are taking the P with a fake post. You seem to have left lots if crucial info out , or perhaps it's just a really vague and not particularly well written post. First, you call him DH and then it transpires he isn't your husband. Then you say that he used to earn loads but you split everything "50/50 proportionally" - what does that even mean? Then you add in much later that he is doing nothing in the house in terms of housework. You haven't written if you have children or not. And is he on benefit or not. Then you write that he suggests 'you can get a job'. When someone Then asks if neither of you are working you then say you are working full time but can get another job. As if anybody on this earth wouldn't work or do the housework and suggest instead to the partner working full time already that they get a second job. You're either a fake post or just totally incapable at writing a post with the relevant info. I mean, do you even have children? How has he used Al his savings in one year when he was earning 'loads' as well? And apparently paying 50%

I wouldn't hesitate....He is your husband , l cannot believe what l have just read. You share both the good and, bad times. How sad you feel resentment towards him, asking for help.

The only bizarre behaviour here is yours - Scrooge.

I'll never understand couples who do not financially support one another- It's abusive. What's more, it's legally half his if you are married. What if it was the other way around? Or does this only apply when it's a man who needs money? What would you do if he financially supported you?

I'm sorry, but I think it's disgusting he's used yours and his money for the past year, and now it's all gone you will not use -yours and his- money to play your part. It's disgusting you can see he is struggling and would rather you both ended up with bad credit. It will bite you, too. Poor guy. Do you actually love him!?

But I wouldn't be crying for anything of his... thats the WHOLE point.

I have my money, I don't want his. He has his. That is literally the entire point of keeping it all simple and separate.

I didn't marry him to be a bloody gold digger and feel zero entitlement to his pension etc... I certainly won't cry and demand money thats not mine and its bizarre people even think like that.

@Anotherworrier That would be true if it was a couple of months and he was going for everything available. But it's been a year and he's doing very little. Very different

OP so let me get this straight, he said YOU could get another job and you have applied for a couple?

Did I read that right?

He wants you to work a second job and do all the housework and pay for everything whilst he applies only for jobs he really really wants?

Is this what you mean he is expecting?

@mathanxiety RTFT

@housethatbuiltme your DH debts reduce his total capital. In a divorce settlement your capital is compared with his in a settlement to reach a fair conclusion. In effect, if he has a massive pension you'd benefit, sadly it sounds like your DH has significant debt which likewise affects you both financially (he'll need a fair amount of capital after a divorce). You can cry to a judge that you want more from a settlement, but you can't pretend he has more capital (so you take more away) when he clearly has debts.
Thems the breaks in marriage!

Nothing says 'unattractive' more than a man child who doesn't want to work, is lazy & expects to be funded by someone else.

She can love him very deep down but simultaneously feel very annoyed that he's taking the piss. Love doesn't mean you turn yourself into a mug.

My money is his and his is mine. We've always been that way even years before we were married. Why, because we are a team and I'd never see him struggling or him me.

To be fair though after a year or even way before I'd be like wtf. This is ur real problem! I'd be expecting him to go out and do anything to earn money, just eat takeaway deliveries, courier job. Are those jobs not fairly easy to get as I think some are technically self employed.

He also shld be doing pretty much everything household related!

If he says 'yes we could do that or I could get a job...' my first question would be 'Why haven't you then?' He sounds lazy, and appears to have turned into a cocklodger OP. If you own your home, then I would put it on the market, that might be enough to galvanise him. Or, if you rent, start looking for something cheaper, and give notice, if you don't want to be bailing him out for EVER!! Personally, I can't help wondering if he's actually even employable, after a year off without managing to land a job of some sort.

Paying all the bills is one thing. Paying for his coffees or visits to the pub or hobbies is another thing entirely.

He can pull beers, drive an uber, deliver meals, work at Mc Donald’s, etc.., there are loads of jobs. He doesn’t have the luxury of waiting for the perfect one because he has no fucking savings.
He can’t sit on his arse like the princess and the pea referring to the OP’s money as “ours” when he doesn’t lift a finger all day.

I'm not sure why everyone thinks there are loads of jobs about. Only a fee weeks ago my DD had been out of work for months. She started off applying for jobs she wanted but was then applying for anything, cleaning, retail, care work but got nowhere. Finally she did get a job she wanted but it wasn't easy.
Surely if he's going for lots of interviews and applying he's trying. He can't contribute if he's got no money.
Housework is a separate thing. Tell him if he's home all day he does the housework. Tell him he's responsible for cooking in the evening.
I find your posts a bit confusing tbh. You are annoyed he's not contributing and isn't working, you don't want to support him financially. Then you say you love him and feel sorry for him. Surely if you love him you'd be happy to support him until he's working again.

No we wouldn't. Did you even read the post?

Let's reverse shall we?

His partner (unmarried) has not worked in a year. Nor does she ever do anything in the home.
She has asked him to dip into his savings to support her. There is no sign of a job on the horizon or that she intends to do her share in the home.

Nope. She can fuck right off.
Man or woman, makes no difference

Disagree - I have seen quite a few threads on MN where the OP has bemoaned the fact that her partner has asked her to work or start contributing, and she's been handed her arse on a plate by hundreds of posts telling her to get a job.

Oh for god sake… everyone voting YNBU would t be if the female was the unemployed one.

Are there any shared children?