Why is my money his money?

If you aren't willing to share your money with this man, then why are you sharing a life with him?

And if you do want to share a life with this man, then I cannot understand why sharing your money should be problematic.

I have lived life. As a 60 yr old with life experience my gut feelings are:

1. He should be pulling his weight and helping out at home while looking for work
2. what is his trade, work experience? Could he freelance, go self employed, do contract/agency work to assist with bill paying?

reading this, I sense someone who is being taken advantage of.

However, this man has foolishly spent some of his savings on joint holidays.
In for a penny in for a pound.
It's interesting as soon as relationships hit a bump such as this, the advice is to abandon ship immediately.

This was going to be my reply. Applying for a job you're qualified for can take time so meanwhile he could take anything just to earn some money.

Does he get UC?

I agree having your own savings aren't what you want to use to fund him and seems the other way round he wouldn't do the same.

Tricky one! X

This.

what does DH stand for?

I can't tell from your posts whether he is secretive and lazy or depressed and lethargic.

Springing the 'you need to now pay for everything' on you is ridiculously self-centred and disrespectful. That and the housework issue would be a massive red flag for me.

He doesn't respect you enough to be honest with you but is happy to let you take responsibility for everything.

Not necessarily. We've been together for over 30 years and not hitched. Longer than most family and all friends who have all been divorced etc within a few years of their 'perfect, forever marriage'. We have both separate and shared bank accounts, each look after the other in hard times, of which we have had lots. We both had had enough of our parents marriages and our childhood responsibilities to be put off the so called norms in society, lots of 💩and zero reward was our families experience.

I guess as you've shared with your boyfriend about money you've saved, invested etc he's aware of what you have and wants access to it now he's fallen on hard times...best to choose what to share going forward, moreso as you arent married to him...🙏

So he used all his savings to pay his half of the bills out with the bills and now used them up and trying to get a job you won’t help out paying until he’s back on his feet again? Really!!
If on the other foot I wonder how would that feel? Ummmm….
You say I really worked hard for my savings what and he didn’t work hard for his savings but he choose to pay his half of the bills when he could …..
i would advise him to run like hell and get out of this relationship as clearly you don’t really like him!!

I think you made one big mistake. Your not married, have separate bank accounts and always have had, so WHY does he know what you have in savings? Separate accounts are private and should be kept that way in my opinion.

Hi.
Go with your gut. Keep your savings, and say no. He’s had long enough to find a job and too proud to accept anything, but happy for you to bank roll him.

Me too

Depends on your financial history together. Is he extravagant in his spending habits? or is he normally generous etc. Or a selfish person? All these things add up to the verdict. He can get the dole for 6 months which is just about enough to cover food etc.

If he's not working he needs to pick up the bulk of the domestic chores. Its unfair to expect you to work all day then come home to laundry, dirty dishes and deciding what to cook.
Secondly, its Christmas. If he was earning a lot before then he must be educated. Supermarkets, delivery companies, Uber all need people at Christmas. Around where I live people are always asking for cleaners and gardeners, it can't be that hard to find something. If his savings have run out then he needs to look at those sorts of options instead of asking you to pay for everything and use your savings too.

What’s the point of a partnership if you can’t prop each other up when you need to? I couldn’t live tit for tat like this.

They’re not married. Calling him her DH has caused a lot of unnecessary confusion and irrelevant responses.

I don’t care what anyone says, being married does make a difference, it changes the perception of what should be in a marriage versus just living together.

They aren't married.

Big big difference.
She would be spectacularly foolish to spend HER savings on a man who has sat on his arse for a year.

Why isn't he doing anything around the house?

I find the whole my money/your money thing is a marriage really strange personally. I’m not currently working due to ill-health but if my husband said he’d “lend” me money on the proviso of getting it back then that would make me question our relationship tbh. Everyone is different I guess.

But also understand why you wouldn’t want to use the 90 day savings unless you need to.

Supermarkets are taking extra staff on for Xmas, so after a year of no work he should be applying to each one. Better to get a job from being employed than unemployed, even a stop gap type of job. You need a serious conversation. How this pans out will let you know about whether you want to be with him long term and he needs to know you're thinking that.

If you’re not married I think it’s your choice. If you were married I’d say really you’d have to share money with him or end the marriage.

You need to talk to him about that and how you feel

My DH and I have separate accounts and always have done. We have a joint account for mortgage and bills and a joint contingency/savings account which child benefit is paid into and we pay into for anything that could potentially go wrong with the house or car. We pay a percentage of our monthly wage into the joint account and bung a couple of hundred in the contingency/savings account. What we both have left over is our own and I have my own personal savings account alongside my current account as does he. I don’t like being floated, ask for pocket money or having to ask for things or defend my spending. DH does add extra to savings as he is in a heck of a lot more money than me and pays for bits here and there because of that. I wouldn’t want my own savings to be dished out either, if money from the joint savings that we both put into helped out in the meantime fine, not my personal pot as I don’t earn as much and that is my money which I’ve worked for and saved. There are plenty of jobs he could take surely? Anything to bring a wage in. It may not be megabucks but he needs to get past that and do something. He shouldn’t be asking you to bail him out.

No he isn't her husband, the OP corrected this in her second post and asked MNHQ to edit the post for her.

Its like cancel the bloody cheque.

Sharing good and bad times works both ways - after a year on his backside being picky about jobs, he still does nothing around the house whilst expecting OP to work, do all the domestic chores and now find a second job. Try reading the OP's posts.

He needs to pull his finger out and take any job he can get until something better is available. He also needs to pull his weight at home.