Why is my money his money?

Do U REALLY want 2 B with a window cleaner ??

U R JUST as SINGLE as he IS

Has he got a bike? Tell him to get on it and do some work

Exactly 💯!!

ESH IMO.

Not Reddit here.

ESH IMO.

I'm struggling to understand why he hasn't found something in a year. I mean fast food? Retail? Are all better than nothing if he's struggling to get back in his chosen field. INFO: why or how did he lose the job?

I think he's unreasonable if he's unwilling to work, because working means any job, not talking to you about the situation and dumping the responsibility on your door once he's exhausted options.

But I do think relationships are team work and assuming you live together and are committed soft YBU to not help him IF that's the only option because you are supposed to be a team.

I'd say you need a serious convo to work a way forward to consider options. If he hasn't found a job in 12months what looks different about the next 6? Or 12? What happens when your savings run out? What other options are? Other careers or just cleaning jobs could he do? While you're sacrificing your savings what's he doing? Could you downsize?

Also why aren't you married? How long has this rship lasted? And as it currently stands are you happy to continue? Because you could be being unreasonable to yourself allowing this situation to continue. He's asking to be a kept man and he needs to bring something to the table

When I lost my job I worked in a hotel for a year so I could contribute to the bills. At the same time because we cancelled our cleaner, and I paid less towards the bills, I did the housework. I could have held out for “the job” but couldn’t afford to.

i have recently been made redundant and have found a new job after 2 months looking. It required some compromises - maybe he needs to compromise a bit?

Thanks

They aren't married she put that in her update.

You got married surely for richer for poorer was mentioned.
or you could just send him to the nearest YMCA until he gets a job and can fund himself, by that point he’ll probably be DXH though

I would protect my savings like a hawk 😉

I would start saving say 10% of your salary into YOUR savings account.

Do you see yourself with him in 10 years? (If the job/salary situation improves a lot)

Take care OP
💐

It doesn't sound like you like him very much op?

Whose house is it?

I'd want to separate rather than support someone who contributes absolutely nothing positive to my life.

Totally agree with this. He could have found some type of work surely, does he expect to be offered a top job? and is too grand to take anything with a wage. You would be better off on your own. Don't touch your savings, if anything move them to a longer notice account!

I understand this OP but as you are a couple and he has run out of savings, it's only fair that you support him. If it was the other way around; ie you had lost your job and run out of savings), then it would be fair that he supported you. That said, your partner needs to get a job of any sort ASAP until he gets his ideal job.
I can understand why you don't want to use your hard earned savings for everyday living

The being unemployed and doing nothing in the house is the killer for me. So disrespectful, why are you his skivvy? Even without the money issues that's disgraceful, and now he expects you to fund him. Id lose interest in someone behaving like that very fast. Give him nothing, keep the roof over your head while you decide what you want to do next. He obviously thinks he's very special, too special to clean up his own dirt and cook his meals, let alone take a job to pay his bills, what a prince.

technically it is all shared money and would be treated as such were you to divorce.

However he needs to find work doing whatever he can and maybe be a bit more realistic about which jobs he is applying or etc - I would maybe ask him to engage with a coach to get things sorted with some sort of drive behind it

No way would I tolerate my partner going a YEAR without employment (without legit reasons e.g. illness etc.) he should have got any old job just to earn money. Uber eats, temp Christmas work, care agencies. It’s still money. Sounds lazy and I don’t blame you for not wanting to pay for everything. But ultimately you are a partnership and you have bills to pay so they need paid one way or another. Honestly I’d get rid, there’s nothing more unattractive than someone who lazes around all day with no motivation or ambition

So in a year he can’t find any job at all??? Really?? It sounds like he’s not in a position to be picky about what job he does to be honest.

I'd feel the same OP. When I was earning a lot more than my DH it was our money. I paid for most things house related and he was happy to spend. Now that I don't earn as much he still spends but all on things for him. Not house things, not food, not car insurances/mot's. He's very quiet almost secretive about money now. He says if I need money to ask him for shopping money etc but I'm not going cap in hand. He knows when the joint account is low so should just put money in!

Personally I would have been budgeting for this = moving savings over & taking on more of the expenses upfront from the beginning IF I believed he was genuinely looking for work & I was willingly in the relationship

Regardless of wether you's are married or not if you live together bills are shared responsibilities & if ones not working the other will have to pick up the slack or at least agree to how long theyre able to help support them

It seems like you were burying your head in the sand by allowing him to drain his savings over a year & just hoping he would find work in the meantime which simply hasnt happened.

You work full time and he expects you to get a second , part time job? He doesn’t help around the house ? What happens when he’s used all your savings ? If he won’t find any job and do some housework in the meantime , please use the remaining money to help yourself out of this and look after yourself.

He should absolutely be at very least running the house.Even if he finds a job.If you split the finances, you also split the workload in the house!. I certainly wouldn't be looking for a second job . I think you need to sit down and have an honest chat about where you go from here. It may well be that you will have to state clearly that you don't plan on sharing your savings .Be prepared for his reaction to that though.

Calling him DH means husband and means everything is shared.

If not married, do what you like but what’s his plan/your plan if you say no?

Also do you see yourself with him forever?

Always an interesting debate this, had it many times with our children who all have the my money , there money way of living where DW and I have always considered whatever we earn as our money, for both of us to use , we’ve always had a joint bank account and the only reason we have separate savings is because we use isas and you can’t have them being joint, most of our lives i earned the higher wage, now retired while she still works , the roles have reversed but it’s still our money, why do people find it so difficult to accept that some of us are perfectly happy this way