Why is my money his money?

I haven't read the 18 pages of chat here. But i would say if you see any future with him then you just need to suck it up and help him out, but on the proviso that he picks up a standard job, even if it's just working part time at Dominoes and enters into a 0% interest loan with you to pay back.

The fact he has managed to live off his savings for his year suggests he is sensible with money and maybe that parachute has not motivated him enough.

If you don't see marriage in the future, then what's the point in continuing?

I wasn't married when my partner went off for a year. I was left to support her and pay all the bills which really stretched me but i did it because I love her.

On the point about housework. What is it about partners that expect the other to do all the chores? Why is he not doing chores and why are you allowing him to get away with it. Its just so disrespectful. Personally thats a red flag and would be enough for me to walk away.

Not sure if have misunderstood but is there a suggestion that you take an EXTRA job in this?
in which case - here’s the door you CF!
There are lots of jobs around in retail even if only for Christmas period, suggests he has a little self respect and bags himself one of these rather than sitting on his arse sponging off you.
Am all in favour of and have supported partner in short term of being out of work but not for a year and not whilst also doing all of the housework. You’re his partner not his parent.

I can see it from his point of view. When he earned more he paid more and you were then able to save money into a savings account. Then when he earned zero, he paid 50/50 and used up all his savings. That money paid for both of you. Now he is asking you to do the same. If you were married I would say you should. But because you're not married you do need the safety net that you've built up and he should have got a job before this crunch point. The deal breaker for me is that a year is too long. He could have taken a less preferred job while he's still applying for ideal job, he didn't and this is why he is broke. He needs to get a job, any job and not make this your problem.

His job is not organising nor spending your money OP.

He needs to get a job within 8 weeks - there's a UK labour shortage!

I’m sorry OP but there are jobs out there and he should be taking anything in opposed to holding out for the unicorn job he thinks is coming. What a fucking joke. A year?!?!? He needs to get his arse into a job now and start contributing. No way would I break into your 90 day access savings, I wouldn’t even be doing that if I were married. What a bloody cheek. And I certainly wouldn’t be letting him borrow it either.

You’re missing the inference made by OP that this DP of theirs is actually very employable. He’s earned “tonnes” before.. So him not find any job whatsoever in a year is not reasonable.

OP, why does this person not ask family for a loan? You’re not married, you don’t owe him anything. Do you have kids??

Urgh.. quite annoyed by the OPs DP. Man or woman, year long unemployment when you’re someone who earned “tonnes” before, so very employable, and then being happy to take someone else’s money, is just pathetic, I’m tempted to say LTB 😆

Don’t go into your savings. Don’t do it. You’re not married. Even if you were married, going into the savings is a last resort.

how could he not have found anything in a year!!!? He’s not trying hard enough or his ego is too big.

My DH left a job over the summer, with nothing to walk into. He picked up minor jobs to pay the bills and fund his job search. Your partner is unreasonable to ask you to fund his “casual” current lifestyle of year long unemployment.

Your fella needs to take responsibility… no offence, but seems he was a big earner before, so there are thousands of jobs he can walk into… he should actually be ashamed of himself for allowing his ego to put him in a position that he’s happy to ponce off you.. Not a real “man” in my opinion.. (or real “woman” if DP were female… adding that in before I get accused of being sexist).

Well said… 10 months of bing pregnant with their child is exhausting enough. Follow that by 24 hour round the clock care seven days a week and that is not labour? Interesting how before giving birth it is called ‘going into labour’… the difference is it is unpaid hard work.
partners who earn significantly more and yet split bills 50% IMO are being unfair, yet many will argue against this view point.

* after being made redundant

I paid the mortgage etc for 5 years whilst my partner was 'looking for a job' she being made redundant. He wouldn't take just anything and it caused huge resentment. The day he got thrown off starting a fully funded pgce place he applied for because he failed to secure an observation fortnight placement with a primary school (he couldn't be bothered) was last straw. I left an 11 year relationship as knew I'd be carrying him for life. Hurt like hell as he was a lovely bloke in so many ways but I'd given him so many chances. In end it was about respect.

A partner is someone who shares responsibilities with you. I'm sorry, this man is not a good partner. Hard times can really have a way of showing you people's true colours. You deserve better! 💐

He wouldn't be entitled to UC because the OP is probably earning too much money, but he should have been claiming New Style JSA as soon as he lost his job.

I was trying to be kind! 😂

There’s also no shame in typing real words and not over using capital letters. You may be expecting too much of that poster 😂

Window cleaner, delivery person — who cares? I’m not a snob about people’s work.

It was a matter for both of them to sit down and negotiate their way through and they clearly didn't. Maybe he just kept spending as if he was earning? Maybe she didn't think he'd still be sitting on his useless hole doing nothing a year down the line?

The onus was on him, as the OP states that he has refused to talk about finances up until now. He should have reined in his spending from the outset and she should have supported him. Now he's blew the lot and thinks he can live off his DP.

Good job they're not married. I don't think being tied to someone so financially incontinent and irresponsible, as well as useless in the home, is a great idea tbh.

If you are not married, you definitely shouldn't pay for him. Could he borrow money from parents?

He's neither use nor ornament!

He is now, and it has become apparent that he is just titting about in fairness, but presumably he lost his job and OP still wanted him to pay 50:50 share of the bills for the foreseeable, even though he obviously didn't have any income and when he was earning more than her he was paying more of the bills and all holidays for them both too.

I can't imagine a world where my partner was forced to eat through their savings instead of reworking the contributions and talking about ways to reduce spending etc, you're supposed to be a team, this 'I'm alright jack' attitude blows my mind, it stinks.

I don't think OP should pay now, as he must have had plenty of opportunities to get a normal job, but I think at the beginning it was comparable to that other post because whether it is maternity/illness/job loss, partners should be at least willing to share the burden of that IMO.

So she should let him piss her savings away too just so that he doesn't have to work?

I don't think so!

Not at all. The situations are wildly different...

That is a totally different situation entirely, and not remotely comparable.

This partner is not on maternity leave having had a baby the married couple fully planned. This man is sitting on his hole waiting for a 'dream job' to come his way, and has frittered away all his savings doing so, and now he wants to work his way through the OP's! No way! He needs to find a means of supporting himself, and fast. And he needs to pull the finger out at home.

He's neither use nor ornament!

That would currently be an upgrade.

What exactly is wrong with being a window cleaner anyway??

Once again, can I put in a plea for a "like" button?
There's so much to like in some of the above advice.
I particularly liked "cocklodger", never heard it before. So apt.
Dear OP, there's much vg advice here. Take heed.
And good luck.

There's no shame in honest work.