Why is my money his money?

On one hand, married people should float the other side to an extent when joblessness is a factor.

However, considering he's been looking for a year and not even had the decency to step up in the home in the meantime, I think I'd be inclined to tell him if he hadn't found work in 3 months time, I want out of the marriage.

I would have given him up to a(nother) year supporting him if he hadn't acted like an entitled, lazy, cocklodging shit. But he has so, protect yourself.

Absolutely don't let him near your ring-fenced money.

To be honest, if my "partner" lacked the skills and motivation to get himself any kind of income in the space of a year, and he also wasn't absolutely hauling ass to keep the house in a good state/improve it or add some kind of value to the relationship, I'd see it as time to go our separate ways.

If he can't pay his share of rent and you won't pay his share of the rent then you will be moving this year at some stage once eviction proceedings can kick in.

I would give notice to the landlord and move on to somewhere cheaper on your own and kick this charmer to the kerb.

You do not need to take deep breaths… You need to lose your shit.
You need to tell him that there is no “Our Money.” He
needs to get any job now and contribute financially.

You need to ask yourself what kind of partner you want in life. What does he bring to your relationship? He doesn’t even help you around the home he doesn’t contribute to.

Has he really been applying for work?

Awooga! Awooga! Coklodger alert ⚠️ 📢

I can’t believe how casually you mentioned that he does no housework just as an aside. I would be fucking livid! How do so many men get away with this?! In my mind this is a far bigger issue than him wanting to pool finances.

My DP was made redundant and didn’t work for 3 months. In that time he lived off his savings and did 99% of the housework as I work full time.

He then got a job as a supermarket delivery driver until he found something more suitable.

I understand your DP has run out of savings but he needs to be stepping up at home and finding any job to contribute to the household bills.

You did not.

I think I'd feel less triggered if he helped in the house. He doesn't do any housework

Imagine OP you lost your job. You sat on your arse applying for things on the internet, but not lowering yourself to working for minumum wage in any old job. You did no housework, at all, leaving it to your full-time working DP. A year goes by.

You can't imagine it can you? So why the f*ck are you putting up with this?

Simple.

From now on he does job search in the mornings, every weekday. Housework in the afternoons, including cleaning bathrooms and kitchen, tidying, hoovering, preparing supper.

In return you fund your shared lifestyle for six months.

After that, you sell up and move somewhere cheaper. My guess is when faced with that, he'll either find a job or leave.

Do not allow him to drift or you'll be keeping him for life.

Can he literally not get any job? If I had a home and partner and bills to pay I'd be taking anything I could get. Has he not even come close to getting something?

He needs to claim benefits and get even a minimum wage job asap. Who's going to pay for Christmas? I'm with you on this. You're not married. It's your savings and frankly it's none of his business.

You could tell him you'll consider lending it just because it's cheaper than a credit firm. But only with everything on paper. And be prepared that if he refuses to pay you back the relationship may be doomed.

I fail to see why he hadn't secured at least some work thus far though? Presumably he thinks he doesn't need to urgently enough?

He doesn’t do any housework? You have to do it all?? Whilst working full-time and he’s sponging off you??? Congratulations OP you’ve got yourself a grade A cocklodger. Does he have any redeeming qualities at all? Time for him to shape up or ship out, I feel.

Why on earth does he think it’s reasonable for you to do all the housework? Does his precious penis prevent him from doing it. For fucks sake it’s not the 1950s. Why on earth does do some men think like this, and why do some women let them?

Do not going into your savings to fund him. This is yours as you are not married.
he needs to get a job any job.
he certainly needs to be pulling his weight at home.
ot would be different if he was out of work last week but a year with no work? What has he been doing?

j would support my partner (not married) as he has supported me at times when I’ve been out of work mainly when I was studying. I still had a part time job as a waitress.he would also step up and do most of the household tasks if he was out of work.

stay firm on your savings.

Neither of you seem to see yourselves as a team. What do you get from the relationship?

If he doesn’t do ANY housework I would be having an absolute fit at him even if I was happy to pick up his expenses. Not working for a year and not doing any housework I would have had it with him

What does “fifty/fifty proportionally” mean? You pay the same, or not?

Have you been living a more expensive lifestyle than you really wanted because he wanted more expensive things than you but expected you to pay half?

And how is everything apart from the financial side (and the not doing any housework)? Are you happy with him? Does he make you laugh and feel loved? Do you (did you) see a future with him? Do you look forward to seeing him when you get home from work? Does he do things for you?

I'd absolutely change the housework position... even when he does work again - you work full time too he should be pulling his weight.

I think you'd be very fair to say to him he has to pick up the majority of the housework if he's expecting you to fund him! (Even as a loan!)

And I'm sure retail are still hiring ....

Sorry, what? He does no housework either?

What does he actually do?

Is he receiving universal credit/ job seekers allowance and working with a work coach at your local job centre?

just says yes we could do that or I could get a job..

Just to clarify - you are living off your savings and not working?

Not that's there a problem with that

You don't forget that you haven't married!!!

You say you've always had separate accounts but have you always had separate finances and split all bills 50/50 when he was "earning tonnes"? If so, then its only fair anything above 50% you pay now is a loan that he repays once working.
If, however, you benefitted from him paying more than 50% of bills then morally you should help him out now. So long as he is actually trying to get a job, any job.

He should absolutely be doing the bulk of the housework.

@UncharteredWaters well said.
@Autumntrees1234 you are right to smell a rat.