Why is my money his money?

It's not really much of a partnership is it. You were fine with being subsidised when he was the higher earner, but now that you are the higher (the only) earner you resent subsidising him. And now that he has used up all his savings on joint expenses, you're not willing to do the same. The housework is another issue entirely, but financially you are clearly not a team. Do not get married or have children.

Do not get a job to support this absolutely arsehole of a chancer.
Dump him quick and remove the millstone from around your neck.

He is a CF.

DO NOT REMOVE YOUR SAVINGS FROM YOUR ACCOUNT.

Its not unreasonable for him to suggest you may need instant access to savings, such as if there were a house emergency or repair that you cannot fund from your monthly income.

Moving some of your savings into an instant access account ( they are still some that pay decent interest) is a sensible move and not a sign of nefarious intent on this behalf.

It does say something about your relationship that you think there is some sinister grabby intent behind his suggestion though.

What type of jobs is he applying for?
If I was out of work for a year I'd have seriously considered the industry ) months ago. He needs a stop gap job at least- deliveries, shop work etc. does he think these jobs are beneath him? He now does not have the luxury of being picky.
He should also be doing his fair share at home.

Because it affects your finances if you split. They are not marital assets. Where is your anger? How come he couldn’t get a part time job whilst applying for a Big Job. How’s he going to explain the gap in his CV. He’s become a Cocklodger. You need to lay down some hard rules if he’s at home all day doing f’ all.

@Autumntrees1234 what I his reason for never doing any chores or have you never discussed it?

I haven't RTFT so if noone has said it this time, great! It comes up pretty often on other threads. It usually starts with something like "my boyfriend says he doesn't believe in marriage, it's just a bit of paper, I don't know if I should accept this or not"... and the comments are filled with people saying, "I've been with my DP for 25 years, never married, never needed to, it doesn't make a difference."

Edited to add - in the time it took me to write this reply, someone has now asked why it matters if he is the OPs DH or not....

I was sympathetic to your DH until you mentioned this:

Secondly I can't remember the concept of "our money" applying when he was earning tonnes. We have always had separate accounts.

On the basis of this, YANBU.

Is he really doing everything he can to get work, or is he only wanting to do particular jobs?

Has he stepped up to do the bulk of household work and home admin?

Genuine question - why does this matter?

I don't read it this way. I read it as a couple, not married, without the safety net a marriage provides in England.

The OP is on her own and needs to safeguard her savings because the Facto Marriage laws are not implement in the UK. It leaves her in a precarious position if she funds her partner from her savings. Savings she'll never get back if they break up unless in marriage where all assets are taken into account in Family Court.

So even when he is not working, he is still doing any house work. That is really bad. This is something that you need to address with him. Are you happy to possibly marry and have kids with someone who won't do anything in the house?. He won't change after kids. Rethink this relationship. Or maybe he is will earn enough to pay for a house keeper?. This is something you need to discuss in detail.

Except no one has said marriage is just a piece of paper on this thread. That’s why people are advising OP not to marry him.

Well this changes everything.

If you were married and finances were joint, in the case of a separation everyone's money, savings and assets would be part of a communal pot. With this in mind I'd have said that despite annoyance at him delaying the conversation, you'd have to have a serious chat about budgeting and work through it together.

YOU ARE NOT MARRIED so none of that applies. You have no obligation to split/share/fund your joint costs (although if yuo share a tenancy agreement you may well have to pay "his" rent). DO NOT use your 90-day savings.

I am annoyed on your behalf in that he's been unemployed for a year, has not been helpful outside of earning, did not want to discuss money while he still had a reserve of his own, and now has put you on the spot expecting to just hoover up your savings. He should have been getting a job, making budget cuts, DISCUSSING FINANCES WITH YOU - instead he has just woken up and decided that he's got no cash left so you can sub him. And to top it off, you say he was not terribly generous when he was earning.

I think it is time for yuo to make some decisions about what you expect from a boyfriend (he's not a legally binding husband) and how far you'd emperil yourself to maintain his lifestyle. Ask yourself if he'd do the same for you.

You seem to have missed this part of the quoted posted, or you're ignoring it for some reason?
The rent has stayed more or less the same, tiny increase which I pay, all our bills have gone up. So up to now I have probably been paying the same as him and probably more if I added up every thing.

A year is a long time to be out of work. I’d not be giving him a penny I'm afraid!
My 16yr old works in McDonald’s PT, £90 a shift…
He needs to get a job, any job and get his arse off the sofa!

I think I’d tell him I’d cover all the bills and he can move out.

After 12 months, DP now needs to take any job he can get. Has he thought about a supermarket delivery job? They pay quite well and you get a staff discount. But he can't be picky after 12 months of unemployment

When I was married I thought that joint finances were better, but having been divorced, if I met anyone now, I would never have joint finances.

You aren't married, your money is your own. If you want to support each other then you could pay more temporarily , but only if he applies for every single job going so that he can earn something.

Chores also need to be split equally when you are both working, and while he is not working, he should be picking up the bulk of it.

You have a very raw deal if you have to work 2 jobs and do all the housework while he does literally nothing. Don't live that life.

Both of you have to think seriously now about where this relationship is going.

I think you’re just arguing against yourself now. Not sure what your point is.

It’s Christmas lots of hospitality jobs going I find it odd that he hasn’t found snytjing in a whole year
also he had a years worth of savings that’s pretty impressive

how you share and view money is your business if married with kids is shared but he should be doing 💯 of cooking and cleaning volunteering and diy fir your house and family in the last year tha not doing that would make me leave

Not married, no kids, no dice. It's one thing to shout a holiday here and there as a treat but he is asking you to treat him as a dependent.

It absolutely does! I know it's popular on here to say "marriage is just a piece of paper" but it's not! It is a legally binding contract with implications on finances, children, tax, and more.

I look down on people who won't take 'any' job to get some money coming in and think retail, warehouse, driving, hospitality are beneath them.

This time of year he could be working if he wanted - delivery jobs like Evri, Royal mail are run off their feet.

I think OP you are coming to the end of the road with him. It's been a year and he hasn't contributed to the household, he's run down his savings, and now he wants to run down yours.

He sounds deeply unimpressive and I'm not sure this increasing CV gap is going to be doing him any good in his job search either. Most employers would understand that you need to get money coming in, some might even be impressed by the willingness to get stuck in working in Tesco etc.

Triggered 🙄

@Autumntrees1234 do not marry this man.... I can understand it taking a long time to get a new job and if he has been applying, interviewing and missing out... but A WHOLE YEAR without lifting a finger in the house?! If you marry or have kids with this cocklodger your life will be much harder and more miserable. Right now you can maintain separate finances and he has no legal claim to anything of yours. That is NOT the same once married....

When he earned more, you were happy for him to subsidise you with extra rent and holidays. When he earned nothing, you had that continue with him burning through all his savings, e em though you must know he can't get benefits because of your income. Now you aren't willing to put in any extra. Meanwhile he has never cleaned the home you both live in, even when he wasn't working. It's not really a partnership, is it? It's easy to stick with someone when there are no major issues, but because you aren't a team then it's all getting a bit transactional when you try to tackle a problem. Time to consider what the relationship is for, and whether it makes sense to continue.