Why is my money his money?

I assumed this was your husband and therefore I'd have said I r massively unreasonable! He's being trying to get work and it's 'for better or worse'. I believe spouse's should share he loads.

However, if it's just a partner and you are not living together as husband and wife (ie. Have been living in a committed relationship for a few years and assume you'll share the rest of your lives together, and maybe have children together) then he's being unreasonable.

He has had many interviews.

But being blunt, taking a job well below your capabilities isn't the godsend some posters think it is when it's on your CV. It's fine for new grads who want any job or work experience, but if he's in his late 20s, 30s or 40s, that's different. On the surface it can show potential employers that he's unemployable in his line of work (in no one wants him).

Self employed cleaners are 10 a penny. My local Facebook site is full of them.
Cleaners need references and a work record to be employable, even in private homes.

It’s a no from me. I wouldn’t be up for this at all. He’ll never get a job! Goodness me! Do not let him spend all your savings. He’ll just have to find a job. You’ll end up resenting him.

If you're well enough to work and haven't got work in a year then it's because you don't want to work. End of story.

Anyone can start their own business as a cleaner or similar, it takes five minutes to set up a Facebook page and contact people you know to ask them to spread the word or go into local businesses and ask if they have cleaning work.

Doesn't mean you'll have a full time salary equivalent day one, but it shows willing.

If you're not spending 6 hours a day looking for work, volunteering so you have something on your CV, actually trying to start your own business/self-employed work, and not even bothering to do a minimal share of housework in your own home, when you are a physically and mentally capable adult, you're a waste of space.

We hosted a Ukrainian refugee, 58 years old, completely alone, didn't even know the alphabet or anyone when she moved here, came from a background of missiles overhead and running to bunkers in the night after seeing family members die in front of her, and within a year she was employed. Was it minimum wage grunt work yes, was she proud to be earning, yes.

There. are. no. excuses.

In most other cultures it would be be considered the lowest of the low for the healthy man of the household to not be providing for his family. He would be a laughing stock or at best pitied.

My dad did this when I was a child. Held on for the professional role he’d lost. He went bankrupt, the family home was repossessed. If he’d got any job the outcome might not have been any different, but at least he would have tried. It damaged my relationship with him forever.

You both seem as selfish as the other reading your post. Maybe it's time to split up if you are both unwilling to share.

As a more general comment, I wonder why, in these circumstances, its only the money that is considered and not general resource? ie why is this bloke not taking over all the domestic stuff if he's not bringing in money but has time instead?

But the op's dp seems to think that she could quite easily pick up a second job to carry the load and he was the one who discounted her suggestion to move areas to improve his chances of getting a job.

And yet the DP has suggested OP gets a second job to fund his lifestyle.

The availability of jobs really does depend on where you live. Not everyone lives in a town or near big warehouses.

I think that supermarket jobs are dwindling. My local small branch of a supermarket used to generally have one person always on the tills and perhaps two or three others around on the shop floor. More at peak times. Now you can often go in there and find just two people. The Coop and the other chain convenience store often seem to have just one visible member of staff. Customers don’t like it, but more importantly where are those jobs going?

Then there’s the high street. Perhaps he should try for a Christmas job at BHS, Woolworths, Dixons or C&A?

There’s putting yourself out there, sure. But there are also also bigger economic problems.

This

Its rarely impossible to access savings in a restricted account- you just lose interest. She doesnt need to release these funds until SHE needs them.

He's been jobless for a whole year. These are conversations that should have happened from the off. But while he's been sat at home doing no work and no housework, you'd have thought he'd have had plenty of time to think up a plan better than the op blowing through her savings and letting her suggest getting a second job so he can keep up appearances.

I think your money is his money and his money is your money if you are married.

You're not married. Why not?

If you decided you didn't want to be married because you don't believe in it or want to remain financially independent from each other, then that's a choice you, or both of you, have made.

If you would have liked to get married but he wasn't keen because he didn't want to share all his money with you, that is also a choice he has made.

In general I am uneasy with the idea of long term partners just leaving each other to sink or swim in situations like this. You should look after each other.

But what is he doing? He's burned through his savings whilst sitting around at home doing nothing? And now he wants you to be the breadwinner whilst also doing everything round the house because he thinks he's too good to get a job stacking shelves?

It's a no from me.

He needs to get a job, any job, and pay his way. And also pick up the hoover.

It's a comfortable position to be in when you have a high-earning boyfriend paying most of the expenses. He ran through his savings on their rent. So his savings are their money but her savings are hers. Like I said, they shouldn't get married or have children because if that is their attitude to finances she'll be the one ending up screwed on maternity or in a divorced.

Could he? What kind of agency and what kind of work?

Presumably a situation that she has maintained because she is comfortable with it. Not something that needs to change because her lazy boyfriend has run through his own savings.

I assume the OP is at work now and won't return until later.

There's some fantasy here about him taking any old work.

It costs employers a lot to employ someone by the time they've done all the HR stuff.

Maybe not so much for zero hours contracting work. BUT just to repeat, no employer is going to take on someone who's graduate or professional level when they know it's only a temporary stop-gap job. Because they know they aren't in it for the long term.

Okay fair enough if they need seasonal staff but it's December and come January that work will disappear.

There are also plenty of students on holiday now who want Christmas work and employers choose them.

I'm not saying he should turn his nose up at being an Amazon driver or for Ocado, but needs some realism.

YA Both BU.

He needs a job - ANY job.
But you're a partnership, so to refuse to use 'your' money to avoid paying bills etc? Doesn't sit right with me

If she has no access to savings then she is in a precarious position. It's not sensible to have all your savings locked away for months. What will she do if her car dies or she gets a sudden big bill? He has no money left because it's all been spent on their rent so what is she going to do in an emergency when she has no access to money.

He’s not working yet does nothing in the house? wtf?!

Your savings =your escape fund. He sounds an entitled lazy so and so. Too high an opinion of himself to do a manual job or housework. Not redeaming qualities. He hasn't grasped the reality of his situation. Out of work and broke. What happens once your savings are gone? Put a stop to it now. Look at the situation clearly... he's not stopping you get a second job...hello?

Its not actually that easy to get these jobs if you are a high earning profession out of work. You may think these are menial stop gap jobs but to the employer they are core essential jobs and they want to employ someone they think is going to stay in the job longer term. They don't want to employ a professional who is going to bugger off as soon as he can. And they won't.

I know there is a general view on MN that these are crap jobs that anyone can walk into if they want to at any time, but they really aren't.

He could go to an agency and get work tomorrow.

She didn't arse around making herself financially dependent on him while waiting for her idea job and telling him he needs to access his savings to maintain this ridiculous situation, did she?