DH Christmas works do and lack of comms

I used to do that. Now I don't.
They will never leave the company early. All those early times were simply lip service to you.

But why do you need to know what time he will be home? Why?

He's out for the evening. Make your own plans, take a bath, binge watch, whatever.

It seems really controlling. He's a grown man, he can find himself something to eat.

This! Why didn't you make your own plans instead of revolving everything around the moment he walks through the door? Honestly.

Works Christmas do is one night per year. Unless there is a backstory, why would you be monitoring his movements and why would you be demanding a specific return time? let the poor guy have some unfettered fun.

Oh, and nobody rolling in from a party cares in the slightest that their partner has lit candles and put up the Christmas tree. Most people wouldn't even notice!

My DH is always like this. He only goes out about 4 times a year. I don't know why but he always says he won't be late, but then he gets swept up in the fun and drinks far too much. Then he rolls in at 3am. I'm just pleased he has a good time and blows off some steam.

As long as it's not a regular thing OP then I wouldn't be bothered at all.

Not sure why you cooked him food or lit candles, seems a little bit like your trying to show him he’s better off being home than at the work do (unless it’s just leftovers from your meal). save that for another night and let him have fun tonight

Oh come on, OP. He's absolutely fine and he was NEVER going to leave at 5pm. He's enjoying himself! Don't be so prissy, stop clock-watching, and go to bed with a good book.

You're not a 1950s housewife, stop pining. Do something for you. Watch what the hell you want, manspread on the sofa, have a nice bath with the candles. Obviously no one going out for a Christmas party is back by 5pm, even small children.

Somebody who's in PR or the emergency services.

I do think that mobiles are a nuisance in cases like this, he's out and will be back eventually, wanting deadlines etc is so controlling.

Ahhh you can’t blame him because you’ve put the tree up and lit some candles as a surprise while he’s on a works do.
You’re getting a bit OTT about him talking to female colleagues. You need to get over it or he’ll come home and you’ll be mad and ruin your day tomorrow. Take it for what it is and tell him when he’s not pissed and get over so you can have a nice birthday. Sure he won’t let you down on your birthday ? If he does, spend it with someone else or take your self off for a relaxing time or night out

Police?

Why are police officers knobs away from work?

Who says comms?

It's the big birthday tomorrow that makes this a thing. Otherwise you could just ignore. What was the plan for how you were spending tomorrow? Was he going to be with you for the day?

It's annoying, but tbh with anything like this if my DH says "I'll be home by x" I just say "I doubt it" and leave it at that.

He's old enough to get himself home safely.

There's no point comparing female safety to male safety. Of course he would have a right to be worried by you doing the same, but you wouldn't because women always have their comms straight as it's part of how they plan to stay safe.

I would hoover the bedroom circa 8.30am

Just why? Why would you do that?

I think MN is madness at times. People tracking each other on find my friend and partners expected to text when they’re out with friends is very odd to me. If any of us go out we don’t expect each other to text updates on where we are.

I can imagine him out chatting to female colleagues

This screams insecurity to me unless there’s a drip feed and back story.

If this was a man posting the OP about his partner going out the replies would be completely different. He’d be called controlling etc.

Edited to add I’ve just noticed it’s a big birthday tomorrow for you @menopausalminnie1 there’s the rest of the day to do something if he gets up at lunchtime.

YABU as it's a one off. On a regular occurrence or a normal day this would infuriate me but as a one off- let him be.

This isn't about the works do. Highly unlikely he'd be back early so that was misleading from the start. The issue is presumably you feel that he doesn't value your time enough to keep you in the loop. And I get that.

The "they won't let me leave" comment would give me the ICK. The lack of comms, and the fact it's your big birthday tomorrow would fuck me right off in this situation.

If it wasn't for the big birthday, I'd be slightly annoyed at the lack of comms, but not majorly.

Happy Birthday for tomorrow, go out and enjoy yourself and don't rely on him to make it special. He clearly puts his piss up with work colleagues above your special day, not surprising when he's in the police to be honest - they have a high divorce rate for good reason.

We all go with good intentions, then two drinks down and colleague pressure its a different story. Your poor relationship is clearly affecting your reaction. But he’s not being unreasonable. Just put the food in the fridge and sleep

You're choosing to sit there like a sap. Which no one can see. If you're not having sex and you want to then speak to him.

What a prat for making out he can't leave. Doesn't he realise that makes him sound so unattractive and not the popular, thoughtful guy he thinks it does?

It is annoying but it’s his Xmas do and he’s letting his hair down. Don’t wait up!

I don't get the issue just get on with your own thing, sure messes plans every that is rude but occasionally he is a grown up