DH Christmas works do and lack of comms

Don't be ridiculous, they're not likely to be on duty!
I recall almost carrying a naval officer back to the small patrol boat he commanded and when we asked when he was next on duty he said he was already on duty!

I'm not sure why you feel the need to sit there "like a sap". He has gone to a work do. People often have the best of intentions to leave at a certain time and then get distracted or actually start to enjoy themselves. I wouldn't bother telling my husband a time I'd get home, he just knows that I'll tell him when I'm leaving. Also, if you have find my friend then you know where he is. You are sounding a little bit needy to be honest but from your post about your relationship are you being triggered by insecurity?

It’s many years ago now, but when I worked in a hotel we used to dread the police section house Christmas functions. Many kegs were emptied; we ran out of every type of glass; buffet food trampled into the floor; most spirits also completely ran out. Add to that being seen as ‘fair game’ as a 22 year old waitress. Nothing horrific, but a lot of smiling whilst batting hands off your backside.

Generally, once I got a call to say “they aren’t letting me leave” I would have laughed at the idea they’d be back for 8 and not expected them home until the early hours. I think taking things literally when there’s a pretty clear underlying narrative is a lesson in frustration and makes for unnecessary conflict.

The big birthday tomorrow puts a different skew on it though. If you had good reason (either discussion or it’s a norm in your relationship) to expect him to be up for celebrating tomorrow and doing things for you, I would be more than a bit disappointed he let an annual piss-up get in the way at the last minute. If things tend to be more low key and flexible and he’ll pull it out of the bag at the weekend or something, then I would not be sweating it.

it’s a Police do and they get utterly mental.

Mental how?

Out of control drinking, drugs, fights?

Sorry I know it’s not the point of this thread but a bunch of coppers getting on it and getting mental doesn’t fill me with confidence.

When it’s big nights out like Christmas we always say see you when I see you. No pressure to get home and no worrying when they are going to come in.

The only thing we promise each other is to text if we are going to be back after midnight so the other can go to sleep

You see posts on here about how terrible it is to go on big nights out as adults but it’s no issue for us. It’s fun and we don’t have any trust issues so no drama there.

He's 52, she's 50, that ship has sailed....

For goodness sake op, it’s his Christmas do- he wants to let his hair down, as I’m sure will you when it’s your Christmas do.

Hope you have a lovely birthday tomorrow! If he chooses not to get up or wake up please go out and don't let your plans for the day be ruined.

Comms could have been better. He's drink. Leave him to it and go to bed.

Mildly annoying that he's said a few different times and then just stopped communicating. He could of just said that he's going to be staying "don't wait up" and that would have solved the problem. When I go out for a Christmas do. Might be back by 10pm or 5am, but I'm not gonna say a time since I have no idea.

I’m sitting here waiting like a numpty

He never fucks me

Dump the sexless loser and find someone who wants to come home and jump your bones. Why are you wasting yourself on him? Do NOT have kids with him!

This.
It all sounds a bit pathetic really.

What has he done in previous years?

That's a bit of a generalisation.

When on a night out we just let each other rnjoy it, see how it goes and expect and plan the next day for DP to have a lie in.

If last communication is don't know when I'll be home, fine, grown man can look after himself.

Yes the police dos may get a bit messy but don't they all? Especially in high pressured jobs where you get so much abuse so a bit of comradeship and pissed fun is actually therapy! I don't think it will be P Diddy scale so just chill.

It's his Christmas work night out ?

I don't know why you did dinner for him, surely if he had arrived home in time for dinner he could have had something quick/simple.

Is putting up the / a Christmas tree a surprise for him ? or is it a surprise that you have done it and he doesn't need to ?

and candles ? what for.

waiting like a numpty - waiting for what - him ? why

why not get on with your evening ? what would you usually do ? read / sew / knit / watch tv

or were you trying to set the scene for a bit of romance, if so why choose tonight.

setting him up to fail and you for disappointment.

Regarding your 50th Birthday tomorrow - surely plans will go ahead as planned ? and if he doesn't get to stay in bed til noon so be it.

He's an adult and he doesn't need 12 hours sleep / in bed.
if he is hung over, shame.

Your day can continue. Make sure you enjoy it.

Id head out early tomorrow if I were you. Go make a nice day of it for you. He is having fun today/tonight and will be rough tomorrow with the fear and horn thrown in. Works christmas do's take on a path of their own. Enjoy the peace. I put you are not being unreasonable but I think your choice now, as sober one without the influence of drunk/daft colleagues is leave him to it and focus on you. Happy Big Birthday. Enjoy yourself. X

That's all right, you can have a lie in too.

I obviously don't know you or your DH, but if either me or my DH said we'd be home at 5pm on a work Christmas party, the other would just laugh, regardless of what is happening tomorrow.

I do get your frustration though, but it would kick in for me if DH said he'd be home by 12am and still not back at 3am with no communication.

He's out at his Christmas do and doesn't know what time he will be home. This is obvious. Why the need for "comms"?

If he wasn't having fun, he would be home. He is having fun, let him off. I'd let it go over my head, make sure he can get in and leave some water on his bedside.

Everyone thinks they’re going to leave the office party early; nobody ever does. He was never going to be leaving at 5pm. When DH tells me this, I just laugh and tell him not to wake me up when he gets in at “5pm”.

Try not to work yourself up.
Stay calm. Easier said than done I know.
I started doing it back it wasn't well received and it soon stopped!

Sorry Op but I agree with this, it’s like you’re entering into a ‘pick me!’ situation with a night out / his work colleagues. I feel bad for you that your relationship is in such dire straits at the moment but I don’t think this battle is worth having. He’s out, he’s probably drunk, just let it be.