To not give a wedding present

Everyreason · 2024-12-02T21:08:58+00:00

DS is getting married next month. He’s never been married before, has two children, his own home and has been with DDIL-to-be for several years. We’ve contributed financially towards the wedding, not a huge sum but around 10% of the full cost. They haven’t asked for wedding gifts but have put a short rhyme asking for money at the bottom of the invite. I think that our contribution is our gift. DH wants to chuck a voucher in an envelope. AIBU to think that we’ve contributed enough? YANBU - we should give a gift YABU - no gift

LushLemonTart · 03/12/2024 17:30

It was fab

SheSaidHummingbird · 03/12/2024 17:24

LushLemonTart · 03/12/2024 15:56

@SheSaidHummingbird I know. We spent no more than a grand on ours. Had another party after our honeymoon too that was about 500? I made the table decorations myself bought bunting etc. The pub catered. Everyone raved about it.

I've offered to help with this wedding. I told them to get a barn and a dj. Or some local musicians. I'd decorate it.

Yes! Pub is ideal. Everyone can relax, supports the local trade, perfect atmosphere.

LushLemonTart · 03/12/2024 15:56

@SheSaidHummingbird I know. We spent no more than a grand on ours. Had another party after our honeymoon too that was about 500? I made the table decorations myself bought bunting etc. The pub catered. Everyone raved about it.

I've offered to help with this wedding. I told them to get a barn and a dj. Or some local musicians. I'd decorate it.

SheSaidHummingbird · 03/12/2024 15:44

LushLemonTart · 03/12/2024 15:32

I know and some spend even more. A young couple I know are thinking of having a big wedding. They said if you can't spend it on your wedding day what can you spend it on? I said a deposit on a house. They rent. Both work. They said oh yeah 🤣

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I was going to say... House deposit, new car, rainy day savings, pension.... God anything but a one day celebration. My worst nightmare.

LushLemonTart · 03/12/2024 15:32

SheSaidHummingbird · 03/12/2024 01:49

20k spent for a one day celebration, yikes.

I know and some spend even more. A young couple I know are thinking of having a big wedding. They said if you can't spend it on your wedding day what can you spend it on? I said a deposit on a house. They rent. Both work. They said oh yeah 🤣

SheSaidHummingbird · 03/12/2024 01:49

20k spent for a one day celebration, yikes.

Namechangedforthis25 · 03/12/2024 01:47

More than enough - definitely no more money to given

if you want to give them a keepsake then a photo frame for them is a lovely idea.

Enough4me · 03/12/2024 00:37

Buy wedding photos for you and some for them. I wouldn't give money.

NewName24 · 03/12/2024 00:34

Your voting is confusing, as it is the opposite of what you are asking.

AIBU to NOT give a wedding present? - No, YANBU, but in your opening post you have asked people to vote YANBU if they think you SHOULD give an additional present

However, of course you don't need to give them more than you are already giving them. That 10% of the cost is their wedding present.

healthybychristmas · 02/12/2024 23:37

I gave my son money towards the wedding as his gift and also bought his wedding suit. I didn't even think of getting him another present! That cost me enough.

MrRobinsonsQuango · 02/12/2024 23:12

witmum · 02/12/2024 21:21

Buy a photo frame that they can put a wedding photo in and be done with it. It does not need to be £££ just an acknowledgment that you are celebrating their marriage.

My PIL did not contribute and no gift. It will not be forgotten.

My mother didn’t contribute and no gift. I haven’t forgotten either!

LushLemonTart · 02/12/2024 23:10

@Iloveanicegarden am confused 😕

Tink3rbell30 · 02/12/2024 23:01

You've given enough. Asking for money in a silly poem is so cringe.

RawBloomers · 02/12/2024 22:57

I might also give them a bottle of champagne or some sort of momento, but it would be a token with emotional significance. I wouldn’t give a token amount of money. Bunging them an extra £50 in an envelope seems odd, I get why it would feel tightfisted not to make it £200+. But even that seems odd. The contribution is the gift, though I’d make it clear that was the case if there is likely to be any confusion.

If I wanted to give them more I’d do it as “We’re happy to increase our contribution to £X”, or “We’ll also pay for Y”. You aren’t regular guests, your gift is different.

Emsie1987 · 02/12/2024 22:43

My parents contributed to our wedding but did it in a way by saying this is the amount we are giving you for your wedding. Use it for your wedding, dress or honeymoon. It was very clear it was a gift and I did not expect anything else. On the morning of my wedding my mum handed me some personal keepsakes. Could you do the same to your son like cuff links? Your invitation probably has that wording as it's a generic one sent to all guests and didn't mean to you personally

Stormyweatheroutthere · 02/12/2024 22:30

All you need to give is a bloody invoice imo... 2k and yet it isn't enough?

TheGoogleMum · 02/12/2024 22:28

Contribution is the gift surely they wouldn't expect more. Our parents contributed to our wedding and we didn't expect an additional gift from them

redalex261 · 02/12/2024 22:22

£2k is more than enough. They have kids, household set up. Perhaps the photo-frame or other wee minding suggested would be fine. No more cash/voucher.

Missionimprobable · 02/12/2024 22:21

Your contribution is their gift, £2k is not an insignificant amount.
I paid half for dds wedding and didn't give them a gift.

HeddaGarbled · 02/12/2024 22:21

I would definitely give a wedding present to a son or daughter on top of the financial contribution to the wedding.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/12/2024 22:16

@Iloveanicegarden why would you give the other niece money if wasn't getting married

Cesarina · 02/12/2024 22:10

Iloveanicegarden · 02/12/2024 21:54

We have 2 nieces. When eldest got married we gave them a sizable amount which they spent on their honeymoon. Younger niece didn't show any signs of getting married but did have a steady partner, so we gave her the same amount. Then they set a date and to be partner said and I quote,' that'll buy a few icecreams' I also made a wedding cake with hard crafted flowers which must have taken well over 100hrs to make. When the invite came there was a short poem suggesting vouchers from a high street store for a gift.
Needless to say we penned a reply in kind.

@Iloveanicegarden I'm confused.......so you gave the younger niece the same amount as the elder niece, (who was getting married), even 'though at that time the younger one didn't have a wedding planned?
The younger one's "to be partner" - does that mean her "steady partner" as you referred to?
So it was him who said "that'll buy a few ice creams"? Was he referring to the money you'd already given them? Doesn't really make sense.......
And what was your reply to their poem?

steponacrackbreakyourmothersback · 02/12/2024 22:03

I would get them something meaningful like a frame or album

Pandasnacks · 02/12/2024 22:01

Iloveanicegarden · 02/12/2024 21:54

We have 2 nieces. When eldest got married we gave them a sizable amount which they spent on their honeymoon. Younger niece didn't show any signs of getting married but did have a steady partner, so we gave her the same amount. Then they set a date and to be partner said and I quote,' that'll buy a few icecreams' I also made a wedding cake with hard crafted flowers which must have taken well over 100hrs to make. When the invite came there was a short poem suggesting vouchers from a high street store for a gift.
Needless to say we penned a reply in kind.

Do you mean you wrote a reply telling them no? Was it not just a generic invite?

ItIsNotChristmasYet · 02/12/2024 22:00

Don't stress OP they will not be expecting anything more financially from you as you've already given, it's a pretty common thing now to ask for money on the invite etc, it's just it doesn't apply to you :)

You might like to think of something little and personal you can give on the day so there's something physical - but I'm talking more 'token' than valuable.