Help me articulate this to DH

But would he also be doing all the housework?

It's very different looking after a DC for a few hours when that's all you're doing.

You should both have equal leisure time.

So if he clocks off at 7pm (after work and baby’s bedtime) then has 3 hours every 24 hours to himself, watching tv etc, you should also have those 3 hours. Eg you both do cleaning 7-8pm and then have 2 hours leisure each!

He needs to pull his weight more after work so you’re not doing chores at 10pm. He is like a teenager leaving dirty bath water in and not clearing up. I remember those kind of arguments with my ex when I was on mat leave. He’s never going to see your point, but you need to change your point and start telling him he needs to contribute more to the housework. Mat leave isn’t for doing all the housework, but most women do as the men lay it on thick about how hard it is for them going to work all day

If you really hated your job and your DH was staying at home with your DC all day (which you would live to do) and moaning about it, wanting to tell you how unhappy he was and how draining he finds it, what would you say to him?

Yeah that sounds good.

"What's for tea?"
"Have I got any clean pants/ shirts/ socks?"
"Have you bought my parents' Christmas presents?"

"I don't know - that's something I let go."

Channelling, as I mentioned in another thread today: It's beyond my control

He hates his job. Go back to work & see how it works out.

But you are happy for him to work and sacrifice time with DD?

Subtly start to drop the things he likes, when he notices say, "sorry I was busy doing all of the washing". Don't do the thinking/reminding/life admin time for him. Gradually pull back so he needs to adult-up. When he does be appreciative, but also tell him what you do so you are acknowledged. "It's great you brought that down, I'll put the wash on if you can feed the baby". Stand back more, be more verbal - clear messages.

I really struggled with the same. Your job is to look after the child not the house. I tried to explain, but he just didn’t understand. So I changed the way I did the house work. I kept the place going through the week, and left most of it for the weekend when he could watch the kids.

Or this!

You're on maternity leave, not housework leave. When his work day finishes, the domestic roles are shared. Ignore posters who say "just" looking after a 6 month old and doing a bit of housework shouldn't be draining. It is. It is relentless. But you're not exclusively on duty 24/7. Or you shouldn't be anyway. It appears you are, and that your "partner" is an arse. As other posters have said, go out all day, come home after pub closing time. See how he fared.

im petty and I'd say to DH you've planned a girls day and night and you'll be staying over a friend's and instead take yourself off to a hotel for the night. catch up on sleep and watch tv, have a nice long relaxing bath and let him see how difficult it is keeping house 🤭

Are you getting equal amounts of sleep?
Everything's infinitely harder if you don't get enough sleep. Often dads claim it's easy looking after a baby sll day, because the occasions when they do it, they've had enough sleep each night for the last six months and more, plus their bodies haven't been through anything whatsoever and they aren't breastfeeding. Of course it's much easier, then.

Gosh, this brings back memories of a bemused (now ex)H who could only see mess if ‘I’ made it, but leaving strewn towels and a filthy high chair was cherished family time for him. He had no sense of joint responsibility for a clean, happy home.

Why don’t you make it fairer and split earnings g money and care if DD more equally?

Then you will both understand and support one another instead of trying to compete for who works hardest.

It’s great for the child to have two equally involved parents too.

"I just want someone to acknowledge it’s hard? He said he will never do this as working is equally difficult."

This is the bit that struck me. It doesn't matter if he's doing something equally difficult. It's not a competition. The correct response when someone you love says something is hard, is never "I won't acknowledge that because I'm doing something equally hard."

I'm on mat leave and my husband has a really hard job and he's never spoken like this once.

I do see that it’s feeling like this to you.
But I can also see his point of view.

“All the chores”? Do you live in a particularly big house? I’m struggling to understand how someone can not juggle looking after a 6mos old and doing a bit of housework each day to keep on top of things and why you’d have to be doing anything in the evening.
And he should be helping at the weekends definitely but yes sorry if you are not working and he is working full time (and you’re not prepared to share parental leave) then surely yes you kind of do need to do the chores.
looking after one 6 month old baby really isn’t a full time job.

He sounds horrible, lacking empathy, not kind at all. Why can't he make any attempt to understand or just acknowledge how you're feeling? Is he that unkind generally?

And crap is it just as hard at work. He probably gets lunch breaks and time to pee on his own!

Not necessarily. Tbh I found mat leave (and the year I spent as a SAHM with toddler) an absolute piece of cake compared with working full time. And that was in a job I liked. If he's working really hard in a job he hates, I can see why he finds it hard to hear that being at home is hard, especially if he feels he'd like to be at home with his child. However, that's no excuse for making a mess and not clearing up after himself. I get that you're doing all the chores during the week atm, OP, but mat leave won't be that long. He should definitely be pulling his wright at the weekend though!

As said above stop doing things for him. His washing, meals, etc. Then tell him to 'let it go'

I suggest you start 'letting it go' as he suggests by stopping doing anything for him!

He should be doing his share in the evening. When you are doing stuff at 10pm where is he?!

And crap is it just as hard at work. He probably gets lunch breaks and time to pee on his own!

Then go out for the full Day show him.

His never going to understand your side of the argument if it’s all sunshine and roses when his off.

My dh though he loved his two weeks off admitted more than 2 weeks and he would be climbing the walls. Your dh seems to want to be home more. show him it’s hard by giving him that time but be warned he may not find it hard.

Also if you can afford it get a cleaner if it’s that much of a problem. 2 hours a week.

But you cannot say I can’t go back to work because I cannot possible be apart from DD but then be confused why he cannot understand your position when he wants to be home with her too.