To fancy someone based on how they are not how they look?

To quote Ted Lasso, "I'm not sure you know how emotionally healthy that is".

I've got the absolute hots for my male GP. I am a confirmed lesbian. But oh my word his bedside manner... he has the talent of making you feel that you're such a fabulous person it is his complete honour and privilege to do everything in his power to make you well again. I would totally switch sides for him!

*previously

I’ve certainly stopped finding men attractive that I have preciously liked when I’ve seen behaviour in them that I don’t like, so I can see it can work the other way around too. Personally I have to find someone physically attractive to ‘fancy’ them though.

Oh 100%. Looks alone are a small thing really.

I was drawn to a man from the moment we met, he was kind and funny, but so not my type.
This was in 1977 and my type was skinny build, tight jeans long hair, he was more Phil Collins than Phil Lynott!

But he had that certain something that just did it for me.
We have been happily married for 46 years.

I once found myself attracted to a man that was totally not what I go for in looks. I do not find myself attracted to blonde men and this guy was blonde however, he had a great sense of humour and always made me laugh so I suddenly found myself having a huge crush on him.

Yes. I completely fancied a, not very physically attractive, Irishman once.

His incredible wit, his musical skills, his poetry, his voice, completely made me fancy him like mad. We had a short fling but both knew we weren't matched.

This is the only way I find people attractive. I couldn’t really describe any physical features that I find attractive. Except a kind face.

Naturally funny & witty, very intelligent and kindness trumps looks every time

YADNBU OP - happened to me last year

Yes I have become more attracted to men because of their personality. I wasn't attracted to my husband for his looks when we met, but we just clicked and after we'd got chatting the first time, I knew I didn't want to leave his side again & suddenly I felt he was attractive and sexy .Luckily he felt the same way about me 😊 I'm no oil painting either but he still seems to fancy me after 30 years !

Yes, DH. 😁

I largely fell for him for his personality, his looks were far from my usual.

I still fancy him just as much now, in both looks and character.

I have definitely liked someone for their personality which then made me look at them completely different. Made me laugh every day, listened to me (i know this by his actions), very trust worthy but definitely wasn't my physical type. I guess that changed because now I when I see him I think he's so attractive

I reminder being totally blind-sided by my attraction to dh. Apart from his height, there really was nothing physically attractive about him, and nothing turn-off, either. All gawky arms and legs, oddly chiselled face, geeky hair, glasses and dress-sense. But dear God did I fancy him, his kind, shy manner, his competence, his quiet confidence in the things he felt good about and total lack of any need to show off. His strong personal ethics. His gentle strength. His utter solidity.

The man hasn't a romantic bone in his body. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I met a guy like that, not my type in looks or build. He was a friend of my boyfriend and I married him!! Over 20 years later I still fancy him and feel lucky to have him. The ex boyfriend came to our wedding and is still a good friend. My husband's kindness and thoughtfulness outweighed everything I thought I fancied in a guy.

I've always fancied people based on how they behaved, to the point that as a youngster I was secretly baffled by people fancying film stars etc. I also only sleep with people I feel a deep connection with. I thought this was normal and sensible but in modern parlance I am apparently demisexual.

YANBU. I don’t ‘fancy’ people as such, as in I can acknowledge somebody is objectively attractive but I don’t have that lust for them just because of that. The men I’ve desired the most have been ones who are average looking, or not even my type, but have proved themselves to be thoroughly decent/brave people. I couldn’t fancy somebody at all if they were ungallant, slippery or selfish.

Yanbu

Total game changer

I absolutely wish I had your instincts. It would have saved me a whole lot of pain.

People’s behaviour can be eminently fanciable. I used to volunteer in my teens with a charity that took children with disabilities on days out, and and one of the other volunteers, a completely physically-unattractive skinny, weasel-like man with a buzz cut and a biker jacket, was compellingly attractive to me, purely because he was so observant, and unobtrusively kind with it.

I definitely think women are less visual than men when it comes to attraction.

I’d imagine that it’s the same for most people, considering that the majority of the population aren’t models (and indeed, plenty of people not even what would be considered “conventionally attractive”) and yet most of us still manage to find people who want to have relationships with us throughout our lives. Personality, a pleasant demeanour, a sense of humour, being engaging and easy to get along with are more important than amazing looks for most people.

The primeval bit of your brain identified behaviours that would make a good dad for your offspring.

I find that personality is more attractive than looks the older I'm getting.