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Original poster

Urgent! Butt of jokes how to push back!

81 replies

ineedtowomanup · 02/12/2024 11:30

So my colleague and I are going for a client meal today. My colleague always uses me as the butt of the jokes they make. It actually gets a bit awkward for the clients as they can see how uncomfortable it makes me.

These are key clients, people I've known years and have a respectable relationship with.

I know for a fact said colleague will again use me - I can't explain how they do it but they just take this piss out of me a bit to get a laugh and expect me to go along with it.

I just need to shut it down as professionally as possible.

Help!!

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 02/12/2024 18:31

I would just look at him blankly for about 5 seconds and then turn to the client and continue the conversation with "anyway, what were you saying?" or similar?

MissMoneyFairy · 02/12/2024 18:27

ineedtowomanup · 02/12/2024 17:54

It's a woman. A very dominant woman, but I'm sure vulnerable underneath, there has to be a good reason for why she behaves like this.

Ecause she's a tit, don't overthink it

Puzzledandpissedoff · 02/12/2024 18:01

Agree about asking her to explain what she just said - very politely of course, and with a patient smile

If you ask often enough she'll either disappear up her own embarrassment or just plain stop to save herself the awkwardness

Original poster
ineedtowomanup · 02/12/2024 17:54

It's a woman. A very dominant woman, but I'm sure vulnerable underneath, there has to be a good reason for why she behaves like this.

OP posts:
Ella31 · 02/12/2024 17:34

Couldyounot · 02/12/2024 13:17

Lure colleague out into the car park afterwards and fuck him up with a bat (I've assumed it's a him because obviously it is).

Alternatively, HR

Op has confirmed it's a woman

healthybychristmas · 02/12/2024 16:07

I think you shouldn't be considering pushing back against the jokes unless you just go completely silent and let her comments resonate then continue talking, ignoring her. This is a matter for HR, this isn't something that you can cope with when clients are present. It's so unprofessional.

Original poster
ineedtowomanup · 02/12/2024 14:33

Yes I think I need to just have a good think about some very specific examples to take to HR.

OP posts:
MounjaroUser · 02/12/2024 14:30

You can still take it to HR or your manager if you're at the same level of seniority. She's behaving very inappropriately both towards the client and to you. That's not what they're paying her for.

Original poster
ineedtowomanup · 02/12/2024 14:28

It's the belittling I can't stand, it's also ever so subtle at times. A very clever woman.

OP posts:
Original poster
ineedtowomanup · 02/12/2024 14:26

Hi sorry just been in the lunch meeting. It's another woman. We're both equally senior so it's a hard one to go to HR over.

Today wasn't as bad as times before, she was oddly polite!! Slightly worried she'd read this thread. I guess though I kept the convo going with the clients. She didn't get to say a huge amount.

OP posts:
Alwaysoneoddsock · 02/12/2024 14:17

CloudPop · 02/12/2024 12:47

@Aposterhasnoname completely agree when you

It really upsets me. It’s like kicking the original poster when they’re down. I don’t know if the posters realise how it comes across.

MounjaroUser · 02/12/2024 14:17

Put it in writing beforehand and copy in your boss and his boss (if they are different people).

Give concrete examples of what he's done in the past and say he's made clients feel very uncomfortable. Say he's clearly trying to make a fool of you and it's unprofessional and calls the reputation of the company into question.

BlueMoanday · 02/12/2024 14:13

@ineedtowomanup how did you get on today?

cantarguewithfools · 02/12/2024 14:11

I would speak to the colleague beforehand and say “I hope you don’t plan to embarrass yourself again today”. Let them know their jokes are inappropriate and unprofessional. You are doing them a favour by letting them know, as in their attempt to undermine you they are are actually undermining themselves.

SharpOpalNewt · 02/12/2024 13:51

Lwrenn · 02/12/2024 13:48

Oh, besides corkscrew to the temple my friend who uses MN sometimes (if she reads this, hello!) had a manager who tried to make fun of her with shitty jokes.
Friend waited until manager said something really unfunny and a bit cringe and she said loudly something to the effect of, “right, did you get your David Brent bit out of the way? Good, let’s crack on” and made her manager look a complete tit.
Would something like that work?

I like that.

Lwrenn · 02/12/2024 13:48

Oh, besides corkscrew to the temple my friend who uses MN sometimes (if she reads this, hello!) had a manager who tried to make fun of her with shitty jokes.
Friend waited until manager said something really unfunny and a bit cringe and she said loudly something to the effect of, “right, did you get your David Brent bit out of the way? Good, let’s crack on” and made her manager look a complete tit.
Would something like that work?

Lwrenn · 02/12/2024 13:42

May I suggest a corkscrew to the temple of your colleague? Just a quick poke, a menacing “keep your stupid mouth fucking shut” and then dust down your suit and behave like nothing happened. Maybe a mumsnet tinkly laugh and head tilt afterward?

or alternatively follow advice that probably isn’t as effective but won’t land you in a police cell.

I really hate when people who make jokes at the expense of others, they’re always shite jokes made by unfunny people. And they’re almost always designed to make the teller seem better than they are and to belittle others.

but asking them to stop or HR is probably the way forward. Good luck Pal x

(but if you do ever fancy a few hours in a cell I’ll have Amazon deliver a really good corkscrew if you PM me your address 😂)

Conniebygaslight · 02/12/2024 13:40

Do you work with GregG Wallace...?

godmum56 · 02/12/2024 13:34

Brefugee · 02/12/2024 11:56

I just need to shut it down as professionally as possible.

Shut it down before you go anywhere. Say clearly to this person that at the first sign of this behaviour you will make your excuses, apologise to the clients, and leave.

And escalate now before it all kicks of.

I think its bad advice to suggest that they should leave a clent meeting.

allthatfalafel · 02/12/2024 13:30

Just reply "Ouch."

It's what my MP does, works a treat. It's not long/involved enough for him to twist it as a reporting to HR thing with you being blamed. Also conveys it's not okay.

allthatfalafel · 02/12/2024 13:29

rainbowstardrops · 02/12/2024 12:30

Why are people assuming it's a male? The OP doesn't say.
What sort of jokes are they making at your expense @ineedtowomanup?

have you ever met a man

Lemonadeand · 02/12/2024 13:28

I like, “I’m not quite sure how to take that, Brendan” quizzically but coolly.

starfishmummy · 02/12/2024 13:22

Talking to them beforehand could backfire and make them worse.
I'd probably say something like "Not funny, colleague" and immediately change the subject so there is no room for them to argue. Then I'd be going to HR and raising a bullying claim as per the acas description

Although there is no legal definition of bullying, it can be described as unwanted behaviour from a person or group that is either: offensive, intimidating, malicious or insulting. an abuse or misuse of power that undermines, humiliates, or causes physical or emotional harm to someone

Cosmosforbreakfast · 02/12/2024 13:18

These kind of people often escalate after a confrontation. I agree with PPs who suggested just asking what they mean or asking them to explain the joke to you. Shake your head, say you don't get it, can they just explain it one more time. The joke is sly but having to explain it makes them look a right arsehole in front of everyone.

Couldyounot · 02/12/2024 13:17

Lure colleague out into the car park afterwards and fuck him up with a bat (I've assumed it's a him because obviously it is).

Alternatively, HR