Urgent! Butt of jokes how to push back!

As soon as she does it you need to respond with a simple ‘let’s keep it professional please!’

Perfect

Love this!!!

Before the meeting ask him not to do it, it's that simple. Tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable & it's not professional. If he still does it look him straight in the eye & say very loudly 'REALLY'. Then ask him to explain what he means as you missed the joke. Let him make a tit out of himself but not at your expense.

She’s jealous of or feels threatened by you: another woman with equal seniority.
I’m willing to bet that you’re probably a bit better at the job than she is OP and that rankles, so she has to bring you down a little to cover her own inadequacies.

It’d be difficult and ill advised to react in front of your client, so I’d pull her aside for a quiet chat
“I don’t know if you realise you’re doing this, but… perhaps it’s nerves meeting client?”

You’ll have given her a quick easy apologetic get out so the behaviour stops and she doesn’t kick back. If she continues, then HR all the way!

She’s making herself and the company look bad to your clients, as well as annoying and undermining you.

Could be tricky because they’ll possibly say it was just banter and you have to woman up etc and other such shit. Anything other than apologies and admit it. It all comes from their insecurity of course. I would just look them dead in the eye, laugh knowingly and say “ I heard you were the school bully in your year and there’s still people plotting your demise - now I can believe it ! Then laugh and say you’ll protect their back if any one tries to take him out from behind - again while laughing.

Pull aside and threaten them with whatever you’ve got - he/she sounds a prat

Nail on the head.

I have a "friend" like the OP's colleague. Funnily enough she has also started to behave. I think she realised I'm not a threat. So we jog along. But I'll never really trust her.

Have you actually had a conversation about it with her about it?

If you don't want to speak with HR can you make the point that she's not funny obvious, in a mildly humorous way, or is that still not good ie

"Although Jane's jokes aren't very funny she's actually an excellent buyer for our company and we are delighted to have you on board with this project, so moving into next months projections ..."

ie not being too sarcastic, delivered with a smile, letting it wash over you as though it's no big deal and nobody should bother with it.

Or is that still bad form as it's in front of a company??!! I suppose it depends on how well you can deliver the line nicely and how well you know them?

Theses kind of digs are very rarely done in the form of jokes - they are usually subtle and underhand, almost too slippery to pin down

A client lunch is not the place to do this. Op needs to take him aside before the event.

I’d be direct and speak to them before hand. If it continues go to HR. Stick up for yourself, don’t decide to not do anything because it might be awkward

I wouldn't go with asking her to explain - not in front of a client, as it could backfire and make you look bad.

I've worked with someone like this previously. I found that a small and tight smile that makes it very clear you are only doing so for form's sake, followed by a quick change of subject, works very well. Repeat every single time she does it.

If the client is happy to keep following your lead on the change of subject then it will get the message across to her quite neatly. And then you've made your point without having to say anything. If she brings it up with you then a brisk "I've always thought that going for cheap laughs at someone else's expense just makes the joker look insecure" should do the trick.

Ask them to explain the joke as you didn't understand. Then wait for them try to explain how they are trying to insult you
It doesn't always work. We have a bloke in the office like this. A colleague asked him to explain. He just said' its not that hard to figure out what i mean surely'
Absolutely no shits given when challenged.

Try and perfect a mildly-confused-but-non-plussed face, hold for a second or two, little confused laugh then say something like ‘I must’ve missed something as that’s gone straight over my head’ big smile. Cheerfully change the subject.

It’ll make your colleague look just everso slightly tipsy/odd/unprofessional without making you look defensive or stroppy.

I don't think they have. I think that's what they were asking for help with in their OP x

When they do it and laugh. Wait a few seconds silently and say "Sorry, why was that funny?"

If they shrug it off say "No, explain it to me"

An apology should be swift.

IF they ask you later just say honestly "Some of your jokes aren't funny theyre nasty, seems you knew that too and continued anyway. I'd like you to stop, I feel uncomfortable and it reflects badly on you"

My Dad does this but the butt of the jokes is always my Mum. It’s the same joke for 50 years and she absolutely hates it. I tried to raise it with my Dad as he’s completely oblivious to the effect and he just got really angry so I shut up. But I hate how it clearly makes my Mum feel.

Either she was a bully at school or she feels inferior to you. Maybe both. Either way, she needs to be stopped.

In my experience those types are actually the most vulnerable.

If you bring it up with her, expect her to brush it off/project, but internally she will take note.

@ineedtowomanup doesnt matter if she is above, below or at the same level, it is unacceptable bullying!!!! the employers job is to protect you from this behaviour. HR will certainly be down on her! remember if they do not fix it the company can be sued by you!! bosses wont like that!

Fucking hate this sort of snide, passive aggressive reply.

Op please start writing everything down even if when u read back it seems trivial or not too bad, u need to keep evidence. Not remembering what she said won't help u in an hr situation it's the first thing they will ask x