How much to spend

I'd be horrified if I thought my parents were spending that much on me. I'd put a stop to it if I was your child for fear of looking grabby.

You don't have to. It's a free country...for now.

‘Adults don’t need presents. What they want, they can usually afford to buy, and if they can’t afford to buy it that’s because of one of two things; it’s either grossly expensive (and so you should not be buying it either as a present) or it’s because they are struggling financially, in which case they need more than a present - they need proper support and help from you as their parent not to have money thrown at them two days of the year.’

I don’t agree with this.

While this is reasonable and logical advice, I do think it's one of the privileges and pleasures of being a (relatively well off) parent to (only-just) grown-ups to be able to treat them a little from time to time. Of course it's totally dependent on your own income and financial situation but I do think taking the line of 'adults don't need presents so we don't bother' is a little sad.

My DC are all grown up now, they're all self-supporting and live reasonably privileged and comfortable lifestyles for their ages, but because they're (for the most part!) sensible and forward thinking young people, they live relatively frugally and are focused a lot on saving for the future, house deposits or prioritising future career prospects over immediate income or similar. This does leave a bit of a gap for me to buy them little luxuries they wouldn't be likely to treat themselves to even if they could technically afford it, or to buy them a new piece of useful tech or gadget a little sooner or a bit of better version than they would get for themselves, or a nice experience like theatre tickets or a day out they wouldn't prioritise. I suppose on the strictest logical principles none of this is necessary and maybe I should just be topping up their savings accounts with the requisite money to give them full control of the income, or bah humbugging and stopping all frivolous gifts the second they turn 18 and saving the money towards their eventual inheritance, but that's a bit joyless and short sighted IMO. By the time they get their inheritance (I hope!) they'll be parents themselves and rightfully prioritizing their own DCs' future, so when are they ever supposed to enjoy and benefit from (some of) my money if not now?

Even though they're well into adulthood they still enjoy getting a stocking full of small thoughful presents plus maybe a bigger gift under the tree (or being treated in some other less tangible way) - and being the giver gives me a lot of pleasure too, perhaps even more so TBH than it does them. For the sake of £100 or £150 each I really don't think it makes a huge difference to either of our finances (I do realise I'm v. privileged here) but it does make Christmas special and fun. I get that £900 sounds a huge amount in one go but OP only has the one DC and it's for Christmas and his birthday, I suspect very many of us do 'fritter away' that much money on tat or silly things even for loved ones over the course of a year, easily done if you're buying for lots of people for Christmas and birthdays, or indeed on things for ourselves if we're not big present givers. If she can easily afford it and it brings joy who is anyone else to say she should only stick to a certain MN approved amount or not spend at all?

The advice my sister gave me once sums it up:

‘Adults don’t need presents. What they want, they can usually afford to buy, and if they can’t afford to buy it that’s because of one of two things; it’s either grossly expensive (and so you should not be buying it either as a present) or it’s because they are struggling financially, in which case they need more than a present - they need proper support and help from you as their parent not to have money thrown at them two days of the year.’

I have 3 adult DC and spend approximately £160 on them for Christmas and £100 for their birthdays.
I froze the amount a couple of years ago so they will gradually get less.

Nowhere near that! I don't think I spend that much in a year on dd.

Probably £70-100, double combined.

We spend about £300 each on DDs but at some point (when they are out of education and earning) it will be a bit less, probably half that.

The first answer is always don't spend more than you can afford.

DD1 at university with a PT job, actually only asked for things which cost less than £200 in total this year but I wanted to try and spend about the same on both of them.

We have a young adult dc whose birthday is close to Christmas & on average we spend more than that. It's our choice & we can afford to.
Spend what you feel is right & don't worry about anyone else!
I'm sure your ds appreciates it, I know our dc does.

I was going to say, you probably 'win' the thread with spending that much fortnightly 😂

What does he need at that level of spend each year?

I'd expect about £20 occasionally up to £50 if there's something particular I might want from my parents.

If you want to spend it, fine but once you have a laptop etc, what else is there? Would it be better spent supporting him in other ways rather than on stuff for the sake of it?

For not fortnightly!
They have 2 presents each as I never buy without a code or reduction!

I have a 23 year old( +2 others) and I'm on a very limited income
This year I have spent £100 fortnightly Christmas and £150 on birthdays
£900 to me is a huge amount, but if he is appreciative and doesn't expect it then that's ok if you can comfortably afford it.

What do you get him?

If I could afford it, I'd definitely treat my children.
Mine are still teen/tween, and I can't afford £900 each, but could easily spend that. Not least because they get pretty much nothing from anyone else other than their father (we are separated), no external family on my side, and his don't 'do Christmas'. I'd say gifting is one of my love languages though, and I like to compensate for what my children don't get from other family members.

I can easily imagine £900 could go fast on:
a piece of tech (earpods. phone. laptop)
aftershave/perfume (a designer one is £50-200ish)
couple of nice items of clothing - hoody £50-75, tshirt £30, socks £10
lotions and potions £50

Easily all adds up.

As an adult, I would be mortified that my mum spent this much money on me. I am working, I don't need her to finance expensive "wants". My friends, who a very wealthy, have been known to buy their kids iMacs for Christmas and their eldest got a flat for her 18th birthday. If you are in that sort of income category, £900 seems fine. If you have to scrimp and save and go without, it is probably too much.

Of course, you can do whatever you think is appropriate, I would just find it really uncomfortable accepting this sort of a gift from my parents every year. I feel difficult accepting £50 from my granny, to be honest, but I know how important it is to her to spoil me.

If I'm more generous one year I always say that I won't always be able to do that. Now that he's working he won't need such a lot spending on him. It also gets difficult if he's got a partner as if you overload him with gifts she might get annoyed that her gifts don't look as good.

If you have the money, instead of impulsively spending a lot on him, switch next year to one present for Christmas, one for birthday and the rest in a savings account.

I don't work to a target or a budget, I tend just to get DD what she wants/needs that year.

For instance the year she needed a bike was more pricey than the years she's wanted Barbie stuff.

She is much younger though.

Does seem a lot, I'd do more like £100 each on Christmas and same again on their birthdays, but I do have 3, plus a couple of partners now in the mix to be bought for, plus I would tend to treat them to a meal out with all of us and/or some kind of day out together around christmas which gets pricey for everyone so I guess all in I do end up spending about that

I mean it's all proportional to your income no?
As long as you are not counting pennies in another parts of your life...it doesn't matter.

My sons birthday is also Christmas (he's turning 5 though) and I think I probably spend about 600 (for both) it's my oldest sons birthday on the 23rd and he gets the same, I start saving in January 😂
They have a ps5 to share this year for birthdays they only play hotwheels & Minecraft
I'm not sure I'd be spending that much on them if they were adults and earning money, but I'm not there yet so who knows really
But he's your son and if your happy with that then I think it's fine 🖤

If you can afford it and are getting things he wants/needs/will use rather than just spending an amount because that's what you think you should do then it's fine. If you're buying useless tatt that will end up in landfill just for the sake of buying something or spending a certain amount or going into debt yourself then not fine.

Even if money is not an issue, what are you actually buying him with £900?!

Is it useful stuff like a laptop?

Much better to save at least half that money for his future eg house, wedding!

I have a (just turned) adult daughter but she's not an only child, she has a toddler sister. I've spent the same on each of them, around £450, so £900 total. But my adult child will have that mostly in cash and just a few gifts as that's what she's requested. If her birthday was the same day I'd probably add 150-200 onto her total as that's what I spend on her birthday, or thereabouts. I'd spend more on her if she didn't have a younger sibling, so I don't think your amount is wildly excessive.