To hate when people repeatedly tell the same stories?

Having had the same stories for years from my FIL, I usually zone out… but with experimentation, Ive found the only way to stop the flow is to interrupt suddenly with something completely unrelated which disrupts his train of thought. It is rude of me though, but he just ignores if I say “you’ve told me this before”. Once though, in a new conversation he gave me a sly look and said “I definitely havent told you this before” before launching into a new (to me) story…which implies he did take note of what I previously said but chose to carry on.

I’ve discussed it with MIL and she said she thinks it’s some kind of social anxiety…she mostly lives in a different country though and they visit each other 😂

There are certainly two camps - the gentle souls who can't remember what they've already told you and the self-centred bores who don't care that they are boring you.

DH, SIL and PILs are in the latter camp...

I think it’s rude to keep telling the same bloody stories

I agree, but clearly there are a lot of people who do. I also think it's rude to go to a social event and sit silently for the evening while the people around you try to engage. That happened to me at the weekend. I spent an excruciating couple of hours trapped on a table at a wedding opposite a silent, glaring woman. After several polite attempts to get some kind of conversation going I gave up and focussed on the people either side of me. She sat there staring balefully at us. Very strange.

I think it’s rude to keep telling the same bloody stories

I think that sounds really rude, not lighthearted, especially with a hand signal!

I think it's better to say something like "oh is this the story where X happened?" as then you've effectively told the story already and it's harder for them to keep waffling about it.

I sometimes find that DH goes the other way on this though. I'm not a waffler at all and don't ever tell long-winded stories but if I ever repeat myself once, eg I might say a piece of news like our neighbour's dog died, and then forget I've told him and tell him again the next day, he'll massively exaggerate and say "oh you've told me that ten times already" when I really haven't! That's annoying too, especially as I don't do it very often at all.

My late MIL did this. To be fair she was a great raconteur so I didn’t really mind.

I have a friend who is nicknamed Radio 1 for the same reason

As PP have said, it is self-soothing and with older people (like me) it is a way of reminiscing. I try not to do it and shut up as soon as someone tells me. My mother used to do it and because it soothed her I used to listen and smile. My brother was less patient and told her she'd told him before. Sometimes she ignored him, but once he must have been more forceful and she just stopped and didn't say anything more and looked really upset. I'm sure it upset him more than listening to her would have. She didn't have dementia - just more past than future.

Unfortunately it's not really about people who genuinely don't remember, but the oblivious/self-centred ones who have no such problems, but just don't care.

I know people like that too, it's strange.😂

I feel really bad for you @MaMisled and I think this is a reminder to those who get grouchy about it that it’s sometimes better all round to just hear it again - maybe with more interest than the first time in case they thought you were not listening! I don’t really think it’s something someone would do to actively try to be annoying is it?

Have you never read Tom Gates? It’s one hand in the air for ‘I’ve heard this story before” and two hands in the air for “I’ve heard this story before and I don’t want to herd it again”. Obviously this is rude, but if you do it to yourself subtly under the table it’s cheering.

I have a colleague who tells me things I've told her... for example "apparently Sue from science is off with a broken leg, she fell down the stairs!" Yes I know, I told YOU that!

I have a friend who has lived a very interesting life. He's in a different country to me and getting too old to travel, he says. Always tells me the same six or so stories when I see him, mixed with a couple of new ones. He's reliving the memories and sharing with me. I enjoy listening to him and am seeing him this week. I'm becoming aware that it might be the last time. If it is, I'll miss him and his stories very much.

I think this is different when it's older people versus working age people.

My mum and dad have just turned 80, I'm confident there isn't any actual dementia, but they have a lot of medical appointments and some mobility issues at the moment and I think their lives are just a lot smaller than they were (used to have work, then in retirement lots of activities, golf etc.), and i think that also their day to day 'small' things occupy their minds more and become bigger and worry them more. E.g. I heard 3 times last night that dad has an appointment in a neighbouring town this week and they don't know what the parking situation is like or how far they will have to walk to the clinic etc. They don't mean to repeat themselves, they're just quite mentally occupied with this slight worry.

With younger people I tend to think it's a bit of a lack of social awareness, they don't pick up on the cues, and don't realise that the information they are sharing is not new and not interesting to the listener. I mean everybody can occasionally repeat a story having forgotten who they have already shared it with, but it's also very normal to pause and say 'sorry did we talk about this last week? Oh gosh sorry i won't bore you again!' Or similar. People who don't do this are generally trying very hard to bond and it's something that doesn't come easily to them.

Doesn't make it and less annoying though! I just think there are different reasons for it.

Haven’t you complained about this a couple of times before?

My mum does this.

It's very common in elderly people; less common in younger ones.

I do tend to forget who I've told what to. But there's a difference between - Did I tell you about our dentist appointment on Monday and telling them the story of how we met (again).

What’s MC? My mum does this and I think for her it’s a mixture of:
the fear of silence
bossy/in charge personality
and wanting to bond with me by sharing memories of things I can’t remember because I was either tiny or not present…..

I think you have to give grace to people for this, unless they're extreme offenders. It's so easy to do and you will catch yourself doing it one day and be mortified accordingly.

My mum used to do this and was later diagnosed with the beginning of dementia. She was around the mid 60s when she first started repeating herself.

I also have a friend who loves talking about our schooldays and constantly says "do you remember when ...". Yes, I do, I've never been allowed to forget it as you keep reminding me. We left school in 1972. 🙄

You would love my in-laws! Not only do you hear the same stories but you have to listen to a narrative of their day (s). My brother-in-law is exactly the same! It isn’t even a conversation, just a series of random statements and when you try to find common ground they move onto the next thing they want to tell you.

With respect, though, if you’re that sensitive, stop repeating yourself? Surely, unless you have dementia or amnesia, you can tell whether you’ve told that story about the time when you showed up to a party dressed as a Playboy bunny to discover it wasn’t fancy dress before, to the same people, more than once?

Oh I feel you! My DH does this as well. Usually it's small slights that he keeps coming back to. I have tried everything. Yes, you told me about this 3 times today, can we move on to a nicer "don't let that person live in your head rentfree" . He always gets miffed saying ok, I will stop talking or you never want to listen or yeah, but it's just so annoying I can't get over it. It really drives me mad!!

There are people in my family who do this. I respond with an enthusiastic interruption:

"Yes, you told me about that before - wasn't it awful/great/funny?"

I knew an older lady who would repeat stories and I always just listened and smiled except for one of them.... which was about the grisly murder of some children where she lived. I did not want to hear about it over and over again because it was just horrendous. To start with I asked her politely not to tell that story but she promptly forgot that and to my horror started telling it again one day. In the end I had to be very blunt and react and say very loudly something like 'Maureen, I have asked you not to tell me this story'.

With the manager sleeping with married men story, it is office gossip (however old) and she's trying to get attention? Very tedious for everyone else but could you do some elaborate yawns and say something like 'tell us a new one Brenda'?