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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He got someone else pregnant

107 replies

Sange295 · 01/12/2024 21:29

Been with someone on and off for a couple
Of years. Loads of reasons why we never made it official however, last 6 months we've
been great and we're finally fully committed.

In the times we've been 'off' I've been on dates etc. I've always been up front about any time I had so he was fully in the picture. He's accused me of doing other things but I've always been open and honest and it's always when we've not been together.

Anyway, last week he dropped the bombshell that last 'September' he got someone pregnant. He says it was when we weren't together.

I can't seem to get past it until I have proof of dates that we weren't together. He's saying I should leave it and move forward. I think the biggest thing annoying me is I've been accused and if he's been doing it well.... also, we were def sleeping with each other and he was giving me all the spiel of how much he loved me and I'm his world and bla bla. It was me who wouldn't commit due to a million red flags.

Anyway, I've said tonight I want proof. He's got defensive and said he has no proof. I'm now turning into some kind of psycho searching PA for any posts anyone might put.

AIBU for standing my ground on this one or just leave it and move on?

OP posts:
DreadPirateRobots · 01/12/2024 22:10

If the two of you actually worked as a couple, you wouldn't be doing this on off crap. Just end it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/12/2024 22:07

Relationships can and should be easy, fun, mutually respectful and supportive, truthful, loving, calm.

This one is few or none of those. Expect better and move on! You won’t meet anyone better while pissing around with this one.

RedVelvetIcing · 01/12/2024 22:06

The whole thing is a mess. You either have to accept you’ve been on/off too many times to remember or end it for good.

AffableApple · 01/12/2024 22:05

Wtf did I just read? Ditch him and get to a clinic ASAP. Also this is not a "finally fully committed relationship", and I'm really sad you've wasted time thinking it is. What a mess. Move on, please. x

PlopSofa · 01/12/2024 22:04

It sounds like a lot of hard work.

I'd just move on. He sounds like he's got a lot of baggage and issues.

Next.

Abridget7 · 01/12/2024 22:03

sounds like a terrible ‘relationship’ and a waste of time. Move on before he does.

MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 01/12/2024 22:02

Sorry OP, but you'd have to be mad to continue with this relationship. It really doesn't matter whether you were together or not, this relationship is clearly one MASSIVE red flag. Get rid of him and find someone that you have things in common with, and that REALLY makes you happy. DON'T rush things, give a relationship time to develop, and if things don't develop in a way you like, then the guy is NOT for you, so you keep looking. Surely you're not SO DESPERATE, that you want to lumber yourself with someone you clearly don't trust?

Franjipanl8r · 01/12/2024 21:56

This is so grim. Why on earth are you with this loser?

Tuhlula · 01/12/2024 21:55

On off relationships never progress to being successful commited relationships. Just leave him and move on. Raise your standards.

Stirrednshaken · 01/12/2024 21:54

What a shit show. You should be more concerned that he's not fussed about the child he created.

DelphiniumBlue · 01/12/2024 21:51

Surely you know if you were together or not? He’s said it was last September, what more proof do you need?^^

Wherethewildthingsfart · 01/12/2024 21:48

You are being a fool. This isn’t a committed loving relationship, this is fuckbuddies.
Yabu to think that it could be anything other than what it says on the tin.

Do you have dc? (Hopefully no dc involved in this mess).

SnoopySantaPaws · 01/12/2024 21:48

Sange295 · 01/12/2024 21:38

Sorry !!! Totally wasn't clear in my OP.

We're still together ... the girl had an abortion and he went to the hospital with her to have it.

When he says move on, he means me forget it happened and move on with our relationship

Why has he told you now??

JingleB · 01/12/2024 21:46

DItch his duplicitous arse. He councealed that he was sleeping with someone else AND that there was a pregnancy and termination.

I can't imagine you could trust him on any of the bigger issues couples face.

Plastictrees · 01/12/2024 21:45

Sange295 · 01/12/2024 21:38

Sorry !!! Totally wasn't clear in my OP.

We're still together ... the girl had an abortion and he went to the hospital with her to have it.

When he says move on, he means me forget it happened and move on with our relationship

Yeah, I stand by my original post. This relationship sounds too unstable and dramatic - unless you want a lifetime of this it is wise to get out now.

BrightLightTonight · 01/12/2024 21:44

So if he can prove that you were separated at the time, you will take him back, and screw the other woman.

Really!

Jostuki · 01/12/2024 21:43

Hardly true love if neither of you were pining for each when you split but were off out seeing other people.

Time to drop him as there is now a stepchild for you which you hadn't bargained for.

GoldenSunflowers · 01/12/2024 21:43

He sounds like a nob regardless. Listen to those million red flags and move on as in drop the relationship and move on with your life. Two years of this to-ing and fro-ing drama must be getting pretty boring.

Velvetbee · 01/12/2024 21:42

Dump.

Notimeforaname · 01/12/2024 21:42

Just break up with him. You aren't suited. It's not supposed to be that difficult.

lordloveadog · 01/12/2024 21:39

Move on - without him

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 01/12/2024 21:39

Have an STI check and move on (without him).

Sange295 · 01/12/2024 21:38

Sorry !!! Totally wasn't clear in my OP.

We're still together ... the girl had an abortion and he went to the hospital with her to have it.

When he says move on, he means me forget it happened and move on with our relationship

OP posts:
PassingStranger · 01/12/2024 21:37

Poor Child.

EmmerdaleFan78 · 01/12/2024 21:37

Get rid of him. There’s someone better out there for you and I think you’ve had a lucky escape.