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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this sufficient for 3 kids?

214 replies

Newnamenewnamenewnamenew · 01/12/2024 20:57

apologies it’s long.

Posted before got a bit of a wake up call in terms of my budget. id love another child and time is ticking for me age wise, so it’s starting to be now or never. The question is can we afford it. I’d like a bit of impartial help when everything is laid out, because sometimes if feel like yeah, our income is fine (I’ve put it on that min income calculator thing online and we’re a few hundred quid up a week)

Ive worked really hard with DH do a budget, it’s below. We have 2 dc, is a third viable here? This is the here and now too, we have scope to get better jobs in the medium term and bolster our earnings. We have a small 4 bed house right now and a 7 seater car, so the ‘big’ things are already taken care of. Though we’d likely need to upsize in the future.

our gross income is £110k per year base. Bonuses can vary between £10-£15k, last year was a good year and we got £20k but that’s not the norm. 3-5% annual pay rises.

monthly income 6,400 salary + £170 (child benefit)
our living expenses (mortgage, car insurance, life insurance, food, fuel, household bills) £3130. Our mortgage is £1350, I’m confident this will go down when our fix is up though.
child savings £170 (CB)+ £100
£180 credit card (0% not too many more payments this is a mix of some work on the house and a root canal I needed)
£60 mobile phones
£500 childcare (this will reduce to about £350 in the new year)
hobbies- £75 (dance, football and swimming)
£90 car insurance
£100 days out
savings £1000
that leaves us then about £1000 which we then split equally between us and the basically give ourselves a personal allowance of about £100 a week, basically £800 a month for personal stuff. We buy kids clothes from the personal allowance as well as stuff for ourselves, haircuts etc.
which should leave about £150/£200 for us to use a sink fund for any unexpected events, if there’s none then it gets saved.

for another child we’d save the additional child benefit for that child plus an additional £50 a month. Worked out that way in the investment account that they have it could be about £25k at 18, to use for uni/ whatever (it’s the same as what we do currently)

private school isn’t a priority for us, we’ve several grammar schools around us and if that’s not a viable option we live close to one of the best state schools in the area.

we like our holidays but I shop around and I’m confident I can find holidays for 5 for not too much more than we pay now (I’ve checked)

what do we think?

OP posts:
LegoHouse274 · 02/12/2024 21:29

Our gross income is less than half yours and we've recently had baby 3! You can afford a third child for sure. Having said that, it's about what kind of lifestyle and priorities you have as to whether you feel it's the right decision for you or not.

amiefam · 02/12/2024 21:28

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Dishwashersaurous · 02/12/2024 21:27

Some things in life are a logical, rationale, economic decision.

And some are not.

Third children are not an economically rationale choice in a modern, western democracy today.

They are a heart choice. You have to want a third child, and want them more than anything else.

You've done two threads focusing on the economics of the decision. It seems like you are asking permission not to try and have a third child.

Because quite frankly, if you really, really wanted one, then on your situation you would not be worried about holidays. You would just do it.

amiefam · 02/12/2024 21:22

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amiefam · 02/12/2024 21:21

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amiefam · 02/12/2024 21:19

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Newnamenewnamenewnamenew · 02/12/2024 21:14

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yes.

he’s not as emotionally invested, he’s more fatalistic, que sera sera about it, he’s a lot more relaxed about the finances too

OP posts:
Newnamenewnamenewnamenew · 02/12/2024 21:13

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Yeah private school fees on our current salaries are firmly out of range, there are a few fee paying grammar schools that are a sort of half way house that would be in reach, they are about £5k a year. But private qua private, at 15k+ are out of scope. Luckily I don’t really agree with private schools, so it has never been a priority for me to be able to send my children there.

There are a number of free grammar schools around also, highly competitive though but that’s where we’ll be aiming to send ours. If not they are in the catchment area and feeder for a very good state school and we’ll keep trying for the grammar.

OP posts:
amiefam · 02/12/2024 20:27

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amiefam · 02/12/2024 20:26

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Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 02/12/2024 20:08

I suppose it's considering the worst case scenarios with both options, which of the following scares you more:

  1. living with the regret of not having the third child, particularly if your financial situation improves.
  2. struggling with 3 children (for various reasons, perhaps they have additional needs, perhaps the health of someone else in the family deteriorates, perhaps your marriage breaks up, perhaps your financial situation changes so it is less comfortable than now)
I know which scares me more. You can't predict the future, you just have to risk assess for your own family, determining the most likely risks, impacts, results. And choosing the scenario you are most comfortable with.

I wish this ^ could be pinned to every thread on this subject. I am very risk averse and I think that young people have such a hard time these days regarding housing and jobs that it is very important to me that we give DD as much help as we can and that includes saving for Uni, house deposit and driving lessons so that she has the secure start in life that we had (because life was so much cheaper in the 90s we didn't need parental help). She was never one for expensive clubs or branded clothing so hasn't cost us much in that way. But if we'd had more than one child we couldn't afford to do it for both, and definitely not a third!

eakjoy · 02/12/2024 16:57

@Newnamenewnamenewnamenew I suppose it's considering the worst case scenarios with both options, which of the following scares you more:

  1. living with the regret of not having the third child, particularly if your financial situation improves.
  2. struggling with 3 children (for various reasons, perhaps they have additional needs, perhaps the health of someone else in the family deteriorates, perhaps your marriage breaks up, perhaps your financial situation changes so it is less comfortable than now)

I know which scares me more. You can't predict the future, you just have to risk assess for your own family, determining the most likely risks, impacts, results. And choosing the scenario you are most comfortable with.

Newnamenewnamenewnamenew · 02/12/2024 16:54

SoDemure · 02/12/2024 16:48

Yeah sorry, my mistake.

Principle still stands though of university costs and fewer opportunities for the kids you have.

I didn't make the jump from 1 to 2 on a similar salary to yours because of quality of life but everyone's different.

That’s valid.

we’re saving toward uni for them, my steer would be stay at home but if they want to go, we’re saving in an investment for them, it should be about 25-28k at maturity, so should be enough for uni

OP posts:
Goodadvice1980 · 02/12/2024 16:53

Also something else to think about OP, your next pregnancy might be twins! Happened to someone I worked with a few years ago 😂

SoDemure · 02/12/2024 16:48

Newnamenewnamenewnamenew · 02/12/2024 16:41

Just to echo the below yeah we will CB isn’t capped that’s child tax benefit

Yeah sorry, my mistake.

Principle still stands though of university costs and fewer opportunities for the kids you have.

I didn't make the jump from 1 to 2 on a similar salary to yours because of quality of life but everyone's different.

Newnamenewnamenewnamenew · 02/12/2024 16:41

SoDemure · 02/12/2024 15:51

You won't get child benefit for a 3rd child.

Up to you but would you want to compromise the lifestyles and opportunities for the two you have?

Can you support them all through uni? Maintenance loans will be minimal based on your salaries and part time jobs for students are like gold dust.

I wouldn't compromise my children's opportunities for another sibling but you do you

Just to echo the below yeah we will CB isn’t capped that’s child tax benefit

OP posts:
Newnamenewnamenewnamenew · 02/12/2024 16:40

RosesAndHellebores · 02/12/2024 15:45

The more I read, the less I think you can afford it. Our DC are grown up now but at, say 10 and 7, they did:

DS: Tennis, cricket and rugby: probably about £350 a term. Additional coaching £25 for half an hour. A lot through private prep.

DD: Tennis, swimming, flute, drama: probably about £500 a term. DD took the music much further - grade 8 voice and some professional voice coaching: £40 per half hour.

The teenage years, throw in extras and school trips - £2000 a year between them, in addition to the above and keep yiur finger crossed nobody wants a pony ;)

Disney holidays were not a priority either socially or culturally.

I guess this is where I am, if I sit down and really really mull it over I’m worried we can’t. BUT then I say well you won’t be on this salary forever, you’re young and can work up and will. BUT that’s not a given. BUT I really yearn for another that’s even IF I can conceive again (nothing is a given)

OP posts:
IVFmumoftwo · 02/12/2024 16:02

SoDemure · 02/12/2024 15:51

You won't get child benefit for a 3rd child.

Up to you but would you want to compromise the lifestyles and opportunities for the two you have?

Can you support them all through uni? Maintenance loans will be minimal based on your salaries and part time jobs for students are like gold dust.

I wouldn't compromise my children's opportunities for another sibling but you do you

Yes they will. That applies to UC.

SoDemure · 02/12/2024 15:51

You won't get child benefit for a 3rd child.

Up to you but would you want to compromise the lifestyles and opportunities for the two you have?

Can you support them all through uni? Maintenance loans will be minimal based on your salaries and part time jobs for students are like gold dust.

I wouldn't compromise my children's opportunities for another sibling but you do you

RosesAndHellebores · 02/12/2024 15:45

The more I read, the less I think you can afford it. Our DC are grown up now but at, say 10 and 7, they did:

DS: Tennis, cricket and rugby: probably about £350 a term. Additional coaching £25 for half an hour. A lot through private prep.

DD: Tennis, swimming, flute, drama: probably about £500 a term. DD took the music much further - grade 8 voice and some professional voice coaching: £40 per half hour.

The teenage years, throw in extras and school trips - £2000 a year between them, in addition to the above and keep yiur finger crossed nobody wants a pony ;)

Disney holidays were not a priority either socially or culturally.

TrippTover · 02/12/2024 15:35

Christmaseason · 02/12/2024 15:33

I think if you really wanted a 3rd DC you wouldn’t be pricing up swimming lessons and worrying about downgrading your Disney holidays. You have four bedrooms and a big car, you either go for it or you don’t.

Yeah this. This is boring now op 😅🥱 either do it or don’t, when it comes down to it a bunch of strangers on the internet aren’t really invested so it’s irrelevant what we think.

Christmaseason · 02/12/2024 15:33

I think if you really wanted a 3rd DC you wouldn’t be pricing up swimming lessons and worrying about downgrading your Disney holidays. You have four bedrooms and a big car, you either go for it or you don’t.

Newnamenewnamenewnamenew · 02/12/2024 15:30

Donimo · 02/12/2024 14:05

I can't work out your budget of £75 for hobbies either.

I pay £60 per child per month for swimming lessons. Then other activities are between £5-10 a week per activity. My 3 are all under 5. So over £300 per month to do swimming each and 1 activity each per week.

Edited

That number is how much we spend at the mo, it’s £5 per kid per swim lesson, so about £40 a month and then £20 per month for dance and then £15 for the tots football

OP posts:
IVFmumoftwo · 02/12/2024 14:58

If it is a struggle stop saving the childcare. We are thinking of a third on a tiny amount of income compared to you. I am sure you would manage.

TheRedPlayer · 02/12/2024 14:53

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