Pissed off DH dismisses my name ideas

If he doesn't contribute names and effort, he doesn't get to choose 🤷🏻‍♀️ stop making the effort with him, keep it to yourself, make a long- and shortlist. I recently found my mum's lists for my potential name, and it was nice to read as an adult - I did have a chuckle at some of them!

Is he like this in other ways? Obstructive and unwilling to contribute?

He should be suggesting alternatives names but all those names follow a ‘vintage’ vibe that for many people just sound old-fashioned. He probably has an issue with the style and you are not offering him any options too, you keep bringing more of the same to the discussion. I personally wouldn’t use any of those names too - I actually think some of them are ok - but all sound very serious and heavy to
me. It’s just very personal how each one perceive a name.

I would keep asking him to suggest a few names, once you get a better idea of what he likes perhaps it will be easier to find something you agree on.

Have you tried Kinder, OP?

I think it’s a myth that men aren’t interested in names - certainly all the ones in my friend group and NCT class had strong views. And I do think you’ve got a specific taste that he doesn’t share, so there’s likely going to have to be a lot of compromise from someone. But he should also be suggesting names, he can’t just veto constantly, or when she’s here; the ones you’ve suggested will be the only ones on the table.

I’d start with Kinder, and hope that starts some conversations.

I’d be cautious with Ottilie though. I know four this year. I suspect it’ll jump up the charts in the next name list.

Will he engage with the 'you have to pick one' game?

So you say 'orphelia' or 'aurelia'. He picks 'aurelia'. Then it's 'aurelia' versus 'amelia' and so on.

That might help you get closer to the type of names you can agree on.

I couldn't name a child any of your suggestions. They are not awful names in their own right but they just wouldn't be me. They feel like names for a different type of child. Probably class related (although I wouldn't go for the Levi, Chardonnay type options either despite being very working class).

I was in the fairly traditional, biblical, not massively out there camp.

You need to try a different type of name if you want more engagement I think. He's not discussing them because I imagine they are as far away from acceptable to him as I'm guessing something like Tiffany would be for you.

Those names are Ottilie old fashioned but a little ostentatious too.

Wait until the child arrives, and choose a name that suits them that you both agree on.

Your dh just sounds rude, he's reacting before he's even heard the name while not actually coming up with any names of his own. In your shoes I'd create your list and once the baby is born, if he hasn't got a list of his own then you pick one from your list and he sucks it up.
Oh and I spent a lot of time researching names too and find nothing wrong with it

Love all your ideas.

Can I ask, did you take your husbands surname? I did and I told my husband, if the kids are going to have your surname, I get deciding vote on first name. Especially as I was going to be the one pushing baby out, primary care giver etc etc. he still had input, I wasn't a dick about it. I gave him a list, he hated a couple, loved one. He added his own. For our first kid, went for the one he loved because it was my fave too and second time around, went for his addition to list because it was so left field and I loved it. But deciding vote is mine.

My dh chose streets and cities to start with eg
Rochester, Gloucester
Our surname is like a road
So a child would have ended up sounding like a street name
think Rochester Crescent, Or Gloucester Mews 🤣🤣

Luckily amongst his list their were some sensible names

The Kinder app is a good shout, has worked well for lots of our friends. I do have some sympathy for your DH, I wouldn't describe any of the names as 'normal' so maybe a bit of an acquired taste - which he hasn't acquired. Don't worry, whatever you name the baby will grow on you and become their name so it doesn't really matter if it is perfect or not. Obviously you need to both put effort into it and think carefully but honestly dont stress that you need a name right now.

I have a Felicity too. 😊

Ottilies are always Otties and never Tillies in my experience - even though Tilly is always used as the "well, she could always go by..." sweetener. I think Ottie is very sweet, though, and Ottilie is lovely!

Yep this is what we did. This is as much 'research' we did. You either like a name or you don't, but it does need to be something that you both like, so he needs to come up with his own ideas.

I haven't even finished all the replies, already so many saying they agree with him - it sounds like you and me have pretty similar tastes OP. I like all your names except Octavia and would have loved to call one of my daughters Penelope or Margot but both got vetoed by DH. One of my daughters is called Felicity - How's that for you?

Also DH did exactly what yours is doing for my second daughter, vetoed all my names without suggesting a single one and it is massively annoying and they can fuck off. Since they're doing literally none of the work. In the end he let me 'choose' (from a tiny list of preapproved possibilities) since I was getting massively stressed and I gave her my favourite name first and his favourite for her middle name. Guess what? He consistently uses her middle name, presumably trying to get her to answer to it primarily. What a wanker.

Can you ask your DH to sit down and make a list of his favourite 10 girl's names? Perhaps see if there are any you could work with? Making a list each was the starting point for me and DH when choosing our DD's name. It wasn't easy because he's a teacher and so many names had bad connotations. Plus, our surname is a noun (think Wood), so any first names that were also adjectives, such as Scarlett and Ruby were vetoed.

I'm relieved we didn't have a boy, because his list was atrocious, including Kubo, Ragnar and Hector!

I really like your names, op.

There is an app that you can use to get closer to agreement- it shows you both a lot of names and you say yes or no and then it tells you the ones that were two yeses. No idea what it’s called but someone will know.

This is what we did. Both write down your top five and then discuss them. Like adults.

Fuck this shit- he has contributed one cell months ago and you have done all the work since then creating a brand new human from scratch. Call your beautiful baby girl whatever you like, especially as he has had fuck all to offer as alternatives to the names you have suggested. Consider a new life with a partner who gives more than zero fucks about your feelings while you’re about it. Best of luck.

They're all posh names and that clearly isn't his cup of tea which is allowed and ok.

We wrote lists of names we each liked without telling the other then sat down and compared the two lists.
We were lucky as names cropped up in both.
I would give it a go.

Go on your own to register the birth, then you get your choice

They are the type of names people use to TRY and sound posh. When there’s one in the Radford clan (Ophelia) then you know it’s no longer posh at all.

Absolutely love your name choices.

Ottilie, Octavia and Clementine were all on my list and teenage DD is fuming that we didn't go with Ottilie for her (she wanted Otty as a NN rather than Tilly though).

Give your DH a time frame to produce a list of 10 options and then compare with yours and see if anything matches.

He's being very unreasonable in taking away the joy from one of the nicer bits of pregnancy.

My DH refused to look at books and announced we were picking DD's name over a single lunch - I was mildly annoyed but am an Olympic standard procrastinator so I guess it was fair. Luckily he liked my top choice as I really didn't care for his, and then we each picked a middle name. I have told DD she can add Ottilie as another middle name if she really wants it!

Maybe just wait til baby is here and discuss it together? Baby is possibly more of a “concept” as he can’t feel baby inside him like you can.

Our daughter was always going to be Grace til we saw her. She was 9lb 5. Too big for a Grace (although it would suit her now bizarrely).