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Original poster

Pissed off DH dismisses my name ideas

856 replies

Plum02 · 01/12/2024 20:42

Currently pregnant with DC1. My favourite boys name since I was a child was “Sebastian” which he knew before I was even pregnant. He said he hated it - couldn’t give a reason, to the point where it felt like he’d once said that so felt like he had to double down.

I’m now pregnant with a girl and I’ve spent a lot of time researching and coming up with name ideas. It just so happens every name I like DH apparently “hates”. So far I’ve suggested seven names I love:

  • Margot - ugly, hates it
  • Ophelia - horrible, hates it
  • Clementine - awful, hates it
  • Octavia - cars name, ridiculous
  • Etta - doesn’t even sound like a real name, awful
  • Penelope - sounds old fashioned, hates it

A few days ago I came across (and fell in love with) the name Ottilie. It’s unusual but classic, feminine and pretty. I thought it would be uncontroversial! I told him I’d found another name I love and before I even told him what it was he was rolling his eyes like “oh god, here we go”. Before I told him I said “you don’t have to respond straight away when I tell you, just take some time to think about it” - thinking that his automatic reaction seems to be to dismiss the names I suggest but if he thinks about it he might actually like it!

Of course as soon as I said it he said it he said “that is awful, I’m not calling my child otter”. I said “it’s Ottilie, the NN could be Tilly” then he starts telling a story about a pregnant 17 year old called Tilly (he has a public facing job).

He says I’m over-reacting to be annoyed just because he doesn’t like a name but I feel utterly depressed. He brings nothing to the table but it feels like before I even suggest something he’s made his mind up not to like it which feels so disrespectful. I also want to have a name I love, not just settle for something and it feels like I’ve exhausted all those names having gone through thousands to pick out the ones I love.

I feel like most men would be so much more laid back about girl’s names and let their wife take the lead, unless it’s something they truly hate - but how can he truly hate every name I come up with!

OP posts:
JustMyView13 · 01/12/2024 23:23

You need a rule.
Neither one needs to justify why you dislike a name, but it’s instantly ruled out if one of you doesn’t like it.

Then you need a notebook & 3 jars. A love jar, like jar, and definitely not jar. Leave them on the side and add names throughout the pregnancy as you think of them. You can then have an evening going through the jars and having a laugh about it nearer the time, with the view to narrowing it down to 2/3 names. Then finalise once baby arrives.

Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot · 01/12/2024 23:22

StormingNorman · 01/12/2024 23:16

Ophelia will forever be associated with Hamlet for most people. It’s difficult to hear the name without mentally making the connection.

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The OP saying they don’t want to name their child after a character from a book/play/whatever so they want Ophelia and the PP saying they like biblical names so they’re much more middle class than those sort who call their kids Levi is making me laugh.

Has anyone considered Hyacinth? Bouquet of course, not bucket!

StandingSideBySide · 01/12/2024 23:19

There’s a lot on here that dont like your choices OP
For what it’s worth I do…… very much in fact

However that’s irrelevant
The point is your dh dismissing your thoughts out of hand

Dont offer any more up until he’s written a list and so have you.
Dont engage in names as it sounds like its going to be his way or no way

Maybe he’ll offer to give birth as well.

StormingNorman · 01/12/2024 23:19

Plum02 · 01/12/2024 23:14

Which wasn’t around 35 years ago when my friend was born and won’t be around 35 years from now…

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The Octavia came out in 1959 and as Skoda’s best-selling model it will likely be around for another 35 years.

worcesterpear · 01/12/2024 23:18

What about a longer name where she is known as the shortened version, eg Genevieve, known as Jenny, or something like Christobel or Isobel known as Belle. I'm sure there are loads, you need to sit down together with a name book.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 01/12/2024 23:17

Suzuki76 · 01/12/2024 22:51

The names are all quite similar. Like you'd give them to a range of Victorian-dressed dolls.

I really recommend the Kinder app, or similar. It turned out DH and I only liked about 3 of the same boys names so we picked one.

They do rather. On their own they're all rather nice but compiled into a list they start to look a bit aspirational. I do think your husband is unreasonable.

If you're going for Shakespeare Cordelia, Beatrice, Perdita and Rosalind are nicer than Ophelia.

StormingNorman · 01/12/2024 23:16

Plum02 · 01/12/2024 23:08

The PP suggested going through films, books and bands to come up with names. The idea that a name is associated with a famous person or character would put me off the name not entice me to it. That doesn’t mean I feel the need to have a unique name - I have a childhood friend called Octavia and I know a few babies called Margot but we wouldn’t be naming DC after those people and the names aren’t associated with anyone in particular. I just want a name we like based on the name itself, rather than naming our DC after someone famous. Names like Hermione have a very strong association with one character.

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Ophelia will forever be associated with Hamlet for most people. It’s difficult to hear the name without mentally making the connection.

Original poster
Plum02 · 01/12/2024 23:14

Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot · 01/12/2024 23:12

And Octavia is a small sized family car. 😭😂

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Which wasn’t around 35 years ago when my friend was born and won’t be around 35 years from now…

OP posts:
WLMummy · 01/12/2024 23:14

JesusWasaLady · 01/12/2024 21:52

Your choices are really poncy and class specific.
What names does he like? Maybe look at those and choose one that doesn't make anyone's blood boil?

Well, we can’t all be peasants…

Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot · 01/12/2024 23:12

Plum02 · 01/12/2024 23:08

The PP suggested going through films, books and bands to come up with names. The idea that a name is associated with a famous person or character would put me off the name not entice me to it. That doesn’t mean I feel the need to have a unique name - I have a childhood friend called Octavia and I know a few babies called Margot but we wouldn’t be naming DC after those people and the names aren’t associated with anyone in particular. I just want a name we like based on the name itself, rather than naming our DC after someone famous. Names like Hermione have a very strong association with one character.

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And Octavia is a small sized family car. 😭😂

StormingNorman · 01/12/2024 23:12

Teenagerantruns · 01/12/2024 23:03

I like most of your names,l mean if he hasn't got any alternatives just go and register the baby, call her what you like, he can't stop you.

I know a man that did that. He was also a wife beater. It takes a certain level of disdain for your partner to make life-long decisions with no care for their feelings.

Original poster
Plum02 · 01/12/2024 23:11

oakleaffy · 01/12/2024 23:02

It's even worse if one ''sees'' a name.

Ottilie is a heavy Beaver fur coat that smells of mothballs.

Octavia is reminiscent of car sickness on a hot day {Because of the car name}
Clementine is a peeled, juicy small orange that smarts the cuts on your fingers and Penelope is that puppet from Thunderbirds.

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You can invent negative visual associations for any name if you’re a rude enough person.

OP posts:
SunshineFlowersFood · 01/12/2024 23:10

They are all a very similar vibe in my opinion and so I can see how this situation could occur. I've heard there are apps these days where you both go through a list of names and see which ones match. Could be an idea? Another suggestion is to go in with the nickname first to test the waters and then come in with the full name if his issue is with more formal sounding names.

AshCrapp · 01/12/2024 23:08

I think him not suggesting a name is a problem. Me and DH really clashed with naming, totally different styles. I was really worried we wouldn't come up with anything! We did, finally. DS has the only name in the world that we both really like. I still love it, DH doesn't really like it anymore, but ah well.

The came to me suddenly and I thought, this is my baby's name. It was really nerve racking mentioning it to DH. What I did was sit down and just go through loads of names. And then after a few days say "I've been thinking... " And said it, so as not to push it.

It's hard!! But I disagree with you about men not being interested and letting their wives choose, all the men I know have been invested. The problem you have is he's not suggesting anything of his own.

Original poster
Plum02 · 01/12/2024 23:08

SouthLondonMum22 · 01/12/2024 23:02

Wouldn’t that rule out names like Ottilie if you also have a friend with that name? Or Margot etc if you already know babies with that name?

Or do you just mean when it comes to books and films?

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The PP suggested going through films, books and bands to come up with names. The idea that a name is associated with a famous person or character would put me off the name not entice me to it. That doesn’t mean I feel the need to have a unique name - I have a childhood friend called Octavia and I know a few babies called Margot but we wouldn’t be naming DC after those people and the names aren’t associated with anyone in particular. I just want a name we like based on the name itself, rather than naming our DC after someone famous. Names like Hermione have a very strong association with one character.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 01/12/2024 23:08

You need to drop the subject entirely for a week or two then ask him what names he likes without suggesting any yourself. Let him come up with some names and take it from there. The more you research and keep on the more he is going to dig his heels in.

KeenCat · 01/12/2024 23:06

DP and I downloaded the Kinder app to help us whittle down baby names.

Also watched film and TV credits for inspiration and would shout names out e.g. 'Ooh what about Ethan?'

sites.google.com/view/kinderbabynames/home

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 01/12/2024 23:06

One option is to wait until after the birth. Your little girl may just look like a Bryonie or a Juliette, or be the spitting image of your favourite singer, and that will be the end of it. Good luck.

coverp · 01/12/2024 23:04

All of your suggestions are the same "style" which is pretty marmite. It's understandable that he hasn't found one on the list that he likes.

You need to spell out the issue for him - "it's ok that you don't like the names I'm suggesting, it's not ok that you're rude about it and bring nothing to the table yourself".

If that fails, wait till the birth. He'll probably be so shell-shocked by what he witnesses that he'll let you name her whatever you want!

Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot · 01/12/2024 23:03

Plum02 · 01/12/2024 22:57

To me, naming a child after a character from a film or book, or after someone famous you like from a band is “naff” and “instamum”. Even if I liked the name Hermione, I wouldn’t choose it because of the association. I’d like my DC’s name to be her own and something we like it’s own right.

Edited
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Ok well it was a suggestion to get you to a name you both chose by thinking of the things that are meaningful to you both. Because currently the names you are choosing are not meaningful to your husband.

Or you could just enjoy the sea of ‘Ottille’s’ post-zoella.

Teenagerantruns · 01/12/2024 23:03

I like most of your names,l mean if he hasn't got any alternatives just go and register the baby, call her what you like, he can't stop you.

SouthLondonMum22 · 01/12/2024 23:02

Plum02 · 01/12/2024 22:57

To me, naming a child after a character from a film or book, or after someone famous you like from a band is “naff” and “instamum”. Even if I liked the name Hermione, I wouldn’t choose it because of the association. I’d like my DC’s name to be her own and something we like it’s own right.

Edited
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Wouldn’t that rule out names like Ottilie if you also have a friend with that name? Or Margot etc if you already know babies with that name?

Or do you just mean when it comes to books and films?

oakleaffy · 01/12/2024 23:02

WalterdelaMare · 01/12/2024 22:38

I’m with him. Your choices are not good and very much going with ultra common rn. You need to work together to find names you both love.

FWIW, the last three baby girl names I’ve heard of have been Ottilie, Clementine and Penelope. All ugly bugly names.

It's even worse if one ''sees'' a name.

Ottilie is a heavy Beaver fur coat that smells of mothballs.

Octavia is reminiscent of car sickness on a hot day {Because of the car name}
Clementine is a peeled, juicy small orange that smarts the cuts on your fingers and Penelope is that puppet from Thunderbirds.

ilovesushi · 01/12/2024 23:01

He is being a complete arse. You are clearly putting thought and care into it and he is trashing everything you suggest almost as a reflex response. It think the names on your list are lovely and they all lend to nicknames/ shortened forms. Has he made any suggestions at all? To say he 'hates' a name is pretty strong. Can't think of a single name that I hate. To say that to his pregnant wife is just plain rude. My DH wasn't necessarily keen on some of my suggestions but to his credit he lived with the idea a while and came round to most of them. In the end we found names we both loved but probably because we knew the other was open to suggestions.

SeriousFaffing · 01/12/2024 22:59

Plum02 · 01/12/2024 20:55

No, that’s my point. He just has these OTT reactions to every name I suggest as though it’s the worst name in the world but doesn’t come up with anything. So I spend hours researching trying to come up with something else, for it to be dismissed again and for him to still contribute nothing.

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@Plum02 your thread has been a weird pile on because people don’t like your names and I find that quite odd to be honest. For what it’s worth, I do like most of the names you’ve suggested.

However, I thought it was pretty clear that he was/is being unreasonable. He has abruptly dismissed all of the names you have suggested in an insensitive way but contributed nothing himself.