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Original poster

Pissed off DH dismisses my name ideas

856 replies

Plum02 · 01/12/2024 20:42

Currently pregnant with DC1. My favourite boys name since I was a child was “Sebastian” which he knew before I was even pregnant. He said he hated it - couldn’t give a reason, to the point where it felt like he’d once said that so felt like he had to double down.

I’m now pregnant with a girl and I’ve spent a lot of time researching and coming up with name ideas. It just so happens every name I like DH apparently “hates”. So far I’ve suggested seven names I love:

  • Margot - ugly, hates it
  • Ophelia - horrible, hates it
  • Clementine - awful, hates it
  • Octavia - cars name, ridiculous
  • Etta - doesn’t even sound like a real name, awful
  • Penelope - sounds old fashioned, hates it

A few days ago I came across (and fell in love with) the name Ottilie. It’s unusual but classic, feminine and pretty. I thought it would be uncontroversial! I told him I’d found another name I love and before I even told him what it was he was rolling his eyes like “oh god, here we go”. Before I told him I said “you don’t have to respond straight away when I tell you, just take some time to think about it” - thinking that his automatic reaction seems to be to dismiss the names I suggest but if he thinks about it he might actually like it!

Of course as soon as I said it he said it he said “that is awful, I’m not calling my child otter”. I said “it’s Ottilie, the NN could be Tilly” then he starts telling a story about a pregnant 17 year old called Tilly (he has a public facing job).

He says I’m over-reacting to be annoyed just because he doesn’t like a name but I feel utterly depressed. He brings nothing to the table but it feels like before I even suggest something he’s made his mind up not to like it which feels so disrespectful. I also want to have a name I love, not just settle for something and it feels like I’ve exhausted all those names having gone through thousands to pick out the ones I love.

I feel like most men would be so much more laid back about girl’s names and let their wife take the lead, unless it’s something they truly hate - but how can he truly hate every name I come up with!

OP posts:
Grammarnut · 07/12/2024 10:54

Plum02 · 05/12/2024 17:14

You obviously haven’t watched only fools and horses. That’s all I can think of when I hear Cassandra 😂

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You obviously haven't read the Illiad or Agammemnon. (And I have watched Only Fools and Horses).

nutbrownhare15 · 06/12/2024 23:36

I would tell him I'm really fed up with his dismissive, lazy attitude. That you are 33 weeks and need to get this sorted as got might not be in the right place to after birth. That he needs to come up with a list of several names to discuss in the next 24 hours. And to stop.being so horrible to his pregnant wife.

Grammarnut · 06/12/2024 22:58

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 22:50

No-one's heard of Etta James then?

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The short form of a name is a diminutive e.g. Jim for James, or Johnny for John (diminutives are not necessarily shorter). A nickname is an addition that means something e.g. Henry Curtmantel for Henry II, suggesting he was short (curtmantel means short cloak) i.e. Henry II was known as 'shorty'. Sometimes it denotes a quality e.g. William the Lion of Scotland, presumably he was/hoped to be brave as a lion. Occasionally it's another name e.g. my FiL (who I never met) was known as 'Jack' but his name was Albert. My previous FiL, whose name was Kantilal, was known by all as Motobhai, meaning 'big brother'.

Delatron · 06/12/2024 17:44

I like your names but I can also see why your DH doesn’t. Mine wouldn’t. We had a similar issue for our second boy when let’s say I came up with some more unusual choices that he vetoed all but never suggested any back.

My tactic was to keep on at him with loads of names. We had no agreement still when the baby arrived. He was named 3 days later when we finally agreed on a name. It is annoying!

CovertPiggery · 06/12/2024 17:06

StormingNorman · 06/12/2024 10:41

Exactly. My hairdresser is called Margot. And my local mechanic is called Hugo!

Edited
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faints in middle class

Grammarnut · 06/12/2024 14:53

StormingNorman · 06/12/2024 10:41

Exactly. My hairdresser is called Margot. And my local mechanic is called Hugo!

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Your mechanic is probably better off than many on this board, too.

StormingNorman · 06/12/2024 10:41

Plum02 · 06/12/2024 04:18

It’s not snobby but statistically accurate that a child’s future profession and life chances are heavily influenced by their parent’s professions and socioeconomic background. That’s the sad reality of living in a country rife with inequality. Look at the research and you’ll see that this is the case.

I didn’t say all middle class children go to grammars or private school, I said that’s where we plan to send our children.

I have no problem with beauticians or mechanics, I simply said I’m not going to choose my baby’s name based on the off chance that’s the profession they choose and the PPs reverse snobbery that a child with these names can’t do those jobs.

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Exactly. My hairdresser is called Margot. And my local mechanic is called Hugo!

thepariscrimefiles · 06/12/2024 09:03

rwalker · 06/12/2024 07:08

people’s opinions on the name are relevant
it shows your DH isn’t just being a twat the majority of people think the names are horrendous so he’s not being unreasonable

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Her DH is being a twat for rejecting all the names she has suggested but not suggesting any names of his own.

Although none of the names on OP's list would be my choice, they are not particularly horrendous. I've heard much worse names, including some that other posters have suggested.

eightIsNewNine · 06/12/2024 07:31

rwalker · 06/12/2024 07:08

people’s opinions on the name are relevant
it shows your DH isn’t just being a twat the majority of people think the names are horrendous so he’s not being unreasonable

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It is irrelevant what people from other areas and generations think about the names now, as the child will be probably growing in a bubble and before she will be old enough to mingle more people will get used to those names thanks to the sheer numbers.

And he is being very unreasonable not for not liking the names, but for lack of effort in this topic, if he isn't able to give some description or examples of what he likes, no common solution is possible

UsernameShmusername2024 · 06/12/2024 07:14

I don't think the actual names are the point here and am surprised at how many people responding are focused on the list rather than how your DH is responding. What does he expect to happen if he doesn't suggest any names himself? He sounds like he's being a complete child about it. And for the record I have a Margot, middle name Etta and still love her name 7 years on!

rwalker · 06/12/2024 07:08

Plum02 · 01/12/2024 20:48

I’m not asking for opinions on the names. It’s totally irrelevant. I’m asking about the principle of his reactions and the fact he’s contributed nothing. It’s fine to not like the name and say “hmm I’m not sure about that, how about this?”.

people’s opinions on the name are relevant
it shows your DH isn’t just being a twat the majority of people think the names are horrendous so he’s not being unreasonable

Allswellthatendswelll · 06/12/2024 06:52

ONS data for 2023 literally just came out.

662 Ottilies last year. This is compared to 2,900 odd Olivias which is the most popular. It was in between Nancy and Elizabeth. Also 620 Ophelias and 1156 Penelopes, 1025 Margots.

So not very obscure names. I doubt 600 odd Ottilies will have to explain they aren't called Otter in years to come.

I know three under 5 and they are all pronounced Otta-lee.

Original poster
Plum02 · 06/12/2024 04:18

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 23:42

That, actually is bollocks.

I was with you until that absolute unnecessary snobbery

I assume you have never needed the services of a mechanic or beautician?

Names do not dictate your future profession.

And not all middle class children go to grammars or private schools either.

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It’s not snobby but statistically accurate that a child’s future profession and life chances are heavily influenced by their parent’s professions and socioeconomic background. That’s the sad reality of living in a country rife with inequality. Look at the research and you’ll see that this is the case.

I didn’t say all middle class children go to grammars or private school, I said that’s where we plan to send our children.

I have no problem with beauticians or mechanics, I simply said I’m not going to choose my baby’s name based on the off chance that’s the profession they choose and the PPs reverse snobbery that a child with these names can’t do those jobs.

OP posts:
Peopleinmyphone · 05/12/2024 23:51

I agree that he should come up with some suggestions himself, maybe ask him to go through a baby name book with you? If those still exist.

As a side note I'd like to suggest Charlotte, if you like the nickname Tilly I think that could work.

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 23:44

TrippTover · 05/12/2024 22:56

To be fair that’s short for Jamesetta!! But Etta is a fairly well known name for little girls in my area.

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And here!

It's very pretty

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 23:42

Plum02 · 03/12/2024 20:00

The children of middle class, professional parents generally tend to grow up and have middle class, professional jobs. She’ll go to a girls’ grammar or private school in a middle class area. It’s possible she’ll decide to become a beautician or mechanic but unlikely enough that I’ll take my chances when choosing a name.

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That, actually is bollocks.

I was with you until that absolute unnecessary snobbery

I assume you have never needed the services of a mechanic or beautician?

Names do not dictate your future profession.

And not all middle class children go to grammars or private schools either.

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 23:35

OreoMonster29 · 03/12/2024 19:37

@Plum02 Well, Ok, but clearly your husband doesn't like your taste, so you'll have to compromise somehow unless you want to keep suggesting names to your taste that he then turns down, on and on.

They can't compromise when he hasn't suggested anything!

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 23:07

Stressedoutmumof2 · 02/12/2024 06:45

It sounds like your DH likes more traditional names than you have gone for. Maybe you can think about some more classic names and see if he’s more receptive to those and then you can come to some compromise? A colleague at work looked fairly embarrassed to introduce baby Juniper when his wife and baby visited the office and always refers to her as “the baby” outside of this introduction so I think it is important to get a name that both parents like.

Who knows what name he likes???

TrippTover · 05/12/2024 22:56

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 22:50

No-one's heard of Etta James then?

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To be fair that’s short for Jamesetta!! But Etta is a fairly well known name for little girls in my area.

ridl14 · 05/12/2024 22:56

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 22:50

No-one's heard of Etta James then?

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Right!

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 22:50

Pinkpurpletulips · 02/12/2024 00:27

One of my children had an unusual name. It was a real name. But people mangled it, misspelt it etc. (They eventually changed it.) My next child had a very standard name - not very common but at least everybody knew how to spell it and say it. I think with Ottilie you'll probably end up with a daughter called Otter who spends a lifetime spelling out her name.

As for the others, people will promise the silent "t" in Margot. I agree that Etta doesn't sound like a real name. I quite like the classical name Octavia but the car thing? If you really like Etta what about Harriet or Henrietta with Etta as a nickname?

If you want a classical name what about Athena? Or Diana the Roman version of Athena? Or Marina?

No-one's heard of Etta James then?

Mirabai · 05/12/2024 22:48

Grammarnut · 05/12/2024 22:10

Suspect Ottilie in France has much the same connotations as Segolene - very upper class.

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Funnily enough I know sisters called Ottilie and Sigolène.

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 22:43

Thatdontimpressmemuchh · 03/12/2024 08:45

The only name that is not terrible on that list in my opinion is Margot. Your hubby is right. Not every child's name has to sound "unusual", there is nothing wrong with Emma, Katherine, Sophie, Olivia, Emily etc.

So many parents think their name sounds unique but in reality they just sound awful. This will be an eventual professional working adult who will have to endure an awful name like Clementine or worse Octavia which automatically makes you think of a Skoda or a name a stripper might choose. My advice would be to play it safe and think about classic names that will not result in your child being bullied, that sound intelligent and professional.

How about her husband comes up with some names? That might help...

TheBirdintheCave · 05/12/2024 22:18

@MixieMatchie But we can say 'oh-teel-ya' 🤷🏻‍♀️ All of those sounds exist in English. I don't need to put on any kind of accent to say it.

Grammarnut · 05/12/2024 22:10

comoatoupeira · 05/12/2024 20:41

Ottilie is not a common name in France by any stretch of the imagination.

It is pretty and also sounds like otter. They are not mutually exclusive.

Suspect Ottilie in France has much the same connotations as Segolene - very upper class.