Pissed off DH dismisses my name ideas

We each made a list of our 10 favourite names for DC1 -none coincided!
They ended up being called something on neither list.

They have been ignored because her DH refuses to do this. The OP would love her DH to suggest some names.

Unless you make up a name (see Elon Musk) your child will always be named after someone else, often someone you knew nothing about but often have negative associations for someone. TBH I think your intransigence is driving your DP’s lack of engagement with the process.

I think you are also over invested in the uniqueness thing too. We chose a unique name (3500 in the annual list) for DD. Moved when she was 8m and there was a child with the same name 3 doors down. The health visitor also had a granddaughter with the same two first names, which she blended into a sickeningly twee and Americanised nick name (similar to ‘Peggy-Sue/Lizzy-Lou’). Furthermore, my DD rejected the name entirely by 12, and has since changed it officially. It’s just a name. You gift it to your child and they are free to do with it what they will - shorten it to a version you hate (my DH does not use his full name, only his parents do), or reject it entirely.

My DS has a top 20 name in his year. I loved it, DH felt it was ok if I’d put up with him shortening it (I wasn’t …). And I had, by this time decided that choosing a name to avoid being one of many in the class has been a waste of energy. He is currently in a 6th form class of 7, one of the others has the same name. My DS is over 6ft 3 though, so is just know as ‘Big [insert name]’. He could care less. WHO he is is not his name: it’s the sum of him of which his name is an unimportant and pretty tiny part. Our relationships with our names also change - I have always LOATHED mine (unisex, can be altered into a really horrible slur that made the playground a nightmare). But I’ve grown into myself in my middle years - it’s just a name. Am indifferent to it nowadays.

I’d back down with DP, buy him some beer, treat yourselves to a takeaway and sit completely open-mindedly [on both sides] with a baby name app and find a list of 10 names that you BOTH like and remember, the gorgeous, unique little soul that you are growing together is more than a bunch of letters on a birth certificate.

The problem isn't really the specific names. He's criticising every name you suggest without suggesting anything himself. My ex did the same. It was just being able to keep telling me I was wrong, it wasn't about the names.

I chose a name, told him that would be our child's name unless he suggested an alternative before our child was born and didn't didcuss it any further. He didn't suggest a single name, ever, never even tried. So we named our child my choice.

As a child-free women who isn't au fait with name trends I'm absolutely agog at the news that apparently Ottilie is very popular now. Just why????? I think otters are cute as well but I'm surprised so many mothers want to be put in mind of them when looking at their daughters.

(I can't imagine how researching names could possibly take hours. I could think of 30 decent, varied names in the next 5 minutes and that's a list right there.)

(Obviously OP's husband is not unreasonable to veto her... interesting name choices, but massively unreasonable not to suggest anything himself. Like I just said, it's not hard. 5 minutes, get a list together.)

I think it’s just because she expects to get her own way and for some reason believes that because she’s a woman she gets to chose her DD’s name. All these suggestions of both parents coming up with a shortlist have been ignored, I presume because she doesn’t want a grown up conversation about it.

Could you suggest less out there alternative to your names? E.g., Victoria instead of Octavia.

Margot from The Good Life for me.

Interesting how aerated people get about names. In my experience it can be nice to have a story about why you chose a child’s name to share when they ask why you chose it. Eg one of my children’s names is similar in style to the OP’s list. I think it’s pretty, has a long history and it’s relatively uncommon but I also liked that it was the name of specific powerful women in history and of a favourite fictional character. I like family names as middle names. Obviously the most important thing is to get some positive contributions from your h and the oft-mentioned app might encourage him to engage. My suggestions for names with a similar romantic/vintage feel but maybe less ‘posh’ vibe: Honor, Vita, Vivienne, Nina, Clara, Cora, Lydia, Cecilia, Sophia, Phoebe, Audrey, Ursula, Maud & Felicity. Susan must be due a revival.

Agree with this, he needs to come up with some ideas if is dismissing all of yours!

in your shoes I would become irritated by his response to your suggestions. It would feel like having to go to him for “sign off” / approval for the name choices, although he is contributing nothing.

I would create a list of names you like, set a date with him to talk about names, during which he needs to suggest a minimum of 3 that he likes .

good luck!! 🍀 xx

It sounds like your DH likes more traditional names than you have gone for. Maybe you can think about some more classic names and see if he’s more receptive to those and then you can come to some compromise? A colleague at work looked fairly embarrassed to introduce baby Juniper when his wife and baby visited the office and always refers to her as “the baby” outside of this introduction so I think it is important to get a name that both parents like.

Those are common Turkish/Arabic names.

Imre/Emre means friend. Harika means wonderful.

I’m not keen on any of the names you’ve listed, however it sounds like you like a style of names and your DH doesn’t. He’s allowed not to like names you like. Perhaps ask him to write a list of names he likes and you can look together for a perfect name.

'I said “it’s Ottilie, the NN could be Tilly'

No, she will be called Utterly Butterly! Don't do it!

There's so much wankpuffery about baby names these days that choosing something completely unremarkable becomes appealing in itself. A reminder that it's not your name anyway, and that some 140 million other babies are born worldwide each year too.

If only as much careful thought went into deciding whether to have a child, and choosing who you'll be co-parenting with for the next 20 years. Angst about what to name them is intelligence and discernment being pointlessly misapplied.

@Dearover
Whoops!

He's being unkind and dismissive all the same, and strangely unable to match the OP's excitement / nervousness / investment in this important part of getting ready for the baby.

I'd be getting the ick very strongly if I were her. He's treating his pregnant wife very badly.

I'd be interested to know if he treats her like this in general (the eye rolling and dismissiveness) or if this obnoxiousness has just appeared during her pregnancy.

I do think the OP probably feels raw and reactive, as I said. She wasn't asking for opinions on the names. She has had enough of that from her H.

'Unless you start making suggestions and more of an interest in naming our DD, we're just going to have to name her one of my suggestions' .... that should do it?

This is her first baby. They decided not to have a surprise and believe it will be a girl rather than a by.

Here's a radical idea. Wait until your baby has arrived safely and decide what to call it then. It's amazing how much character they show within the first hours and days. They might look more like an Emily than an Ophelia once it's a real live person.

Because she's already dealing g with a useless lump of a husband who railroaded her out of Sebastian for her first baby and bow won't engage with the process of choosing a name for the second baby, even to the point of rolling his eyes and laughing.

My guess is she is feeling pretty raw and reactive about the dismissal of her taste both at home and here.

Agree 100%.

The names you like are not my cup of tea either OP, but they're all currently fashionable and a girl with a name from your list wouldn't stand out.

I don't like the sound of a man who rolls his eyes and laughs at a wife who is more invested than him in this important matter while she's pregnant. He really is being a pillock.

If he won't come up with a list and start showing more engagement with this I'd do exactly as AliceMcK suggests.

Why did they call a girl Imre?

OP said 33 weeks