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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband is stupid and aggressive

60 replies

Sockmate123 · 01/12/2024 18:45

Probably wording that wrong.

Beginning to think my husband is just completely thick. Just 3 examples from this weekend....

Went to Christmas tree farm....got on this sleigh thing, girl driving it said do not stand up, signs saying do not stand up, husband stood up to take a video...

Got back to place to pay after we got tree, young guy asked would you like us to put a hole in it for the stand...husband ignored him for the first time, then second and third time told him 'yes ill hold it for you' 🙄🙄 he has no hearing difficulties just doesn't listen.

Then my son this evening said Dad got lost taking me to my match yesterday....this was a HOME match that is 3km from our house...there is a big huge well known hotel right beside the pitch. Son has had 15 matches there this season and he still got lost going there yesterday. He said his Google maps didn't work. Then got up in a temple, flung a door open causing a dent in the wall, roaring and shouting at me to take him to matches in the future (which i will be!!!) They were 12 mins late yesterday, our house is about a 6 min drive from it.

My daughter was crying because she wanted him downstairs to watch us turn on the Christmas lights. He doesn't care he upset her, it's all my fault apparently. I am so sick of him.

For background he has a very demanding job which requires a lot of concentration etc no bother delivering there but absolutely useless at home. My daughter has drama the same time my sons matches are on usually but I guess I'll have to ask my Mum to bring her. I might as well be a single parent.

I am a stickler for good punctuality. Husband is not. I consider it bad manners. He just doesn't care or blames my son for delaying them.

Thanks for reading x

OP posts:
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ThatMerryReader · 25/02/2025 23:31

He is a worthless motherfucking cunt. Just dump him already before it gets worse. Think of the children.

FlamboyantlyIncognito · 25/02/2025 23:05

Are you sure he's not struggling with dementia here (or early signs of?). Seriously - not being able to find something that he's been to loads of times before, getting lost, getting angry, the disconnect..........there's stuff here......that could be more than just being a cckwomble. It's the anger bit might be the give-away?. And maybe he's worried at work because he's suddenly off the pace or there's been a mistake and he's trying to grasp the fact that he can't understand how? I'm just saying - it could be a telltale. He's probably just an arsehole as everyone else is saying but......maybe there's another side to this. The lack of hearing......might not be deafness.......it might something a bit more sinister.....mini-stroke?......that he's secretly seriously worried about but its manifesting itself in anger.........Just an alternative thought.

Original poster
Sockmate123 · 07/12/2024 13:23

I feel like this is a blog at this point 😂🙈
I'm going to this work family thing only for my children. My DD burst out crying last night saying our family isn't the same anymore and we don't do stuff together etc. ...this was before I even mentioned not going today.
I'm doing it only for my kids. I absolutely can't stand him anymore but its Xmas and I can't break her heart. Also my cousin works for same company as husband so ill enjoy chatting to him and family, we get along great so I'm hoping to just get through it.

Also, It's a massive company, 800 people attending the party so I don't trust him to find his way around or mind the kids especially youngest.

Wish me luck, thanks to one and all on this thread, believe it or not you have kept me sane these past few days ❤️

OP posts:
Nothatgingerpirate · 06/12/2024 15:09

Look, OP.

If you leave this arsehole, you and your kids might not benefit that well from his financial provisions,
but the peace your kids would experience would be worth it and you would see for yourself.
It really makes so much difference.

And a bit of my own opinion at 45 yo - most men make women's lives more difficult than they would be without their involvement.
Doesn't apply to my 75 yo husband.
Seriously, leave.
🍀

GoldsolesLugs · 06/12/2024 14:39

tamade · 06/12/2024 14:30

MN the one stop shop for simple answers 😊

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Sometimes you have to call it like you see it. No complicated analysis required.

tamade · 06/12/2024 14:30

GoldsolesLugs · 06/12/2024 12:47

Nah, he's just an arsehole!

Show quote history

MN the one stop shop for simple answers 😊

Original poster
Sockmate123 · 06/12/2024 13:14

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 06/12/2024 11:33

He hasn't got the headspace for anything you and DC need and he doesn't see why he should do anything other than his job.
As PP said, weaponised incompetence.
If he doesn't try and do anything properly, sooner or later you will do everything yourself is his rationale by the looks of things.
Very frustrating for you OP.

Thank you

Yes he is saying now I am stopping him going to the matches. I dont know what else he wants from me. He clearly cannot get there on time. DS was already spoken to about punctuality through no fault of his own. He is never ever late when i bring him to football or anything. My daughter does 6 activities, never late to anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sockmate123 · 06/12/2024 13:12

GoldsolesLugs · 06/12/2024 12:47

Nah, he's just an arsehole!

Show quote history

This 😂😂 always at work. He works in a stressful role but nothing in particular no. He's sending messages today because I said i won't go to the work event tomorrow that he's 'not changing his position' and that he was ridiculed in his own home by me and children. He thinks it's just a 'simple mistake' that he got lost on a 3km drive that he had been to 10 times before. I said we weren't ridiculing and sorry if he felt that way. Usual thing on my side trying to make things right...but he said no 'I was ridiculed'

This is actually laughable if it wasn't my own marriage 😞

OP posts:
Original poster
Sockmate123 · 06/12/2024 13:07

GoldsolesLugs · 06/12/2024 09:58

Sounds like a prick, and there's plenty of good advice on here. The question I have - and this is really curiosity not victim blaming - is how you managed to get married to him in the first place. Did he hide his lack of anger management before you were married them slowly reveal them so you accepted him?

Yes although we had a couple of arguments like every couple it was never like this. He was always very stubborn though. At start he was very thoughtful and romantic. He is ambitious and can be funny. He has always struggled with weight and emotional eating. He can be very focused and productive but only when it suits him.

OP posts:
GoldsolesLugs · 06/12/2024 12:47

tamade · 06/12/2024 11:56

Sounds to me like he’s got something on his mind, is something troubling him at work?

Nah, he's just an arsehole!

tamade · 06/12/2024 11:56

Sounds to me like he’s got something on his mind, is something troubling him at work?

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 06/12/2024 11:33

He hasn't got the headspace for anything you and DC need and he doesn't see why he should do anything other than his job.
As PP said, weaponised incompetence.
If he doesn't try and do anything properly, sooner or later you will do everything yourself is his rationale by the looks of things.
Very frustrating for you OP.

Newgirls · 06/12/2024 09:59

men can change when they have kids and aren’t the focus any more.

couples therapy might help whether you choose to stay together or not, or for yourself.

GoldsolesLugs · 06/12/2024 09:58

Sounds like a prick, and there's plenty of good advice on here. The question I have - and this is really curiosity not victim blaming - is how you managed to get married to him in the first place. Did he hide his lack of anger management before you were married them slowly reveal them so you accepted him?

Sharptonguedwoman · 06/12/2024 09:53

My daughter is 9 and a sensitive little soul. She is saying to me tonight she doesn't like how Dad is shouting and the atmosphere in the house.

I don't want to stir things but can she say that to her dad?

Original poster
Sockmate123 · 06/12/2024 09:01

Pussycat22 · 05/12/2024 23:42

Change the bloody locks. I think you know the answer here. Looking forward so much to his departure says it all . Such a vile man is no good for your kids either.x

Yes that's the part the resonated with me most. I cant wait til he goes away. He has put Christmas gifts under the tree with my nickname/pet name on them. This is what he does, tries to creep without apologising.

OP posts:
HoundsOfSmell · 05/12/2024 23:57

Start talking to friends and family.

Pussycat22 · 05/12/2024 23:42

Change the bloody locks. I think you know the answer here. Looking forward so much to his departure says it all . Such a vile man is no good for your kids either.x

Electricalb · 05/12/2024 23:38

HE should move out.
But start talking to services, gp etc., to see who can help you.
You can do this.

Original poster
Sockmate123 · 05/12/2024 13:48

Electricalb · 05/12/2024 13:08

Start reaching out to local agencies.
Your GP, SS, housing.
You have a child with special needs and have given up work to care for your child but have an abusive husband.
Can they help rehouse you.

These things take time but you can make a start now.

Stay out of his way.
Do not go to the work thing.
Tell family and friends the truth.
Accept support.
You deserve better than this.

Telling family and friends the truth is the really difficult part 😕 also my youngest with additional needs struggles with changes in routine...she keeps asking me are we going to divorce. She's fearful of it 😞 I think he should be the one to love out. Keep stability for the children.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sockmate123 · 05/12/2024 13:46

Scammersarescum · 05/12/2024 12:54

You don't owe him a marriage

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Thank you

OP posts:
Electricalb · 05/12/2024 13:08

Start reaching out to local agencies.
Your GP, SS, housing.
You have a child with special needs and have given up work to care for your child but have an abusive husband.
Can they help rehouse you.

These things take time but you can make a start now.

Stay out of his way.
Do not go to the work thing.
Tell family and friends the truth.
Accept support.
You deserve better than this.

Scammersarescum · 05/12/2024 12:54

Sockmate123 · 05/12/2024 12:37

Hes still sending me essays that he doesnt owe me an apology and his position hasn't changed. And yes he talks like he is in a court of law 🙄

You don't owe him a marriage

Original poster
Sockmate123 · 05/12/2024 12:37

Hes still sending me essays that he doesnt owe me an apology and his position hasn't changed. And yes he talks like he is in a court of law 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
Sockmate123 · 04/12/2024 23:28

Fannyfiggs · 04/12/2024 22:47

Where was OP dismissive about her husband's job? I didn't see that.

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I don't know where they got that idea. I'm certainly not dismissive of it. And also it was him that wanted me to take time out to take pressure off him!

OP posts: