Resentful SAHM...

You need to sit down DH and compromise. You shouldn’t have to take the brunt of the childcare on and house work in the evenings and weekends in my opinion. It sounds like perhaps DH isn’t pulling his weight as much as you’d like and you are getting a bit fed up and maybe feeling like you are solo parenting all week despite him being home evenings and most of the time at weekends x

Not at all. You just sound a bit fed up.

You are definitely not the housekeeper, and he does need to pull his weight on the domestic stuff. So cooking dinner at the weekend. Unloading the dishwasher in the morning. Etc

SAHM should read SAHP.

Mums Lives Matter. Of course we love our children and doing stuff for/with them but we are also people with our own brains and interests that have not ceased to exist because we are caring for children. Studying is great, what other things do you enjoy doing? Putting our children before everything else doesn't have to be a constant thing, mums need time for themselves and time to pursue their own interests.

you are at home all day with only a toddler. That older child is in school. I would say it sounds fair that you take care of the housework/cleaning etc. There is more enough time in the day.

Do you get similar downtime ?

Did you not talk through the expectations of who's doing what before you became a SAHM?

Tbh I'd expect that you should do most of the running of the home, cooking, cleaning etc. I don't mean this in a nasty way but working parents still have to do all the things you've listed plus fit in a shift at work. I think you'll have to both compromise and meet each other halfway on this.

Op...my dc are teens now. I have been a sahm through the majority of their lives. Yes all cooking and laundry was and is down to me. I was and am happy with that. I think it's fair enough.

Here in my honest opinion and I was very close to being SAHM (but work part time)

If I was a SAHM then I would expect to take on the brunt of the child care and the house work. During the hours DH is out of the house working that is your time to sort out the kids, get the laundry and housework done.

Once DH is home it should be 50-50. Assuming most of the house work and laundry is able to get done during the week when you’re at home with the kids - It should be things like washing up, cooking, sorting bits out that you couldn’t do with kids about, and of course the childcare.

DH shouldn’t get to come home and rest whilst you continue to “work” doing solo parenting.

You also need to have a night each a week to yourselves. Why can’t DH take the kids one evening and do bedtime whilst you go out? With friends or by yourself for a few hours?

Sorry that came out much harsher than it was supposed to.

I meant simply that being a sahm isn't for everyone, and you don't have to do it if you don't enjoy it

Sorry OP, the ‘breadwinner’ as you seem to resentfully call him, is the one who is bringing real money in. Not sure why women are so surprised by this when they outsource the breadwinning to their partners and stay at home to look after the kids.

MN doesn’t like to hear it, but SAH parenting is not the same as going to out to work. A proper job comes with conditions and a different type of pressure. You could also go out to work and the you’d both be sharing the load equally in every sense and outsource some of the housework.

Does he actually have to work at the weekend?

Working six days is really tough, on both of you.

Can you stop the weekend Working?

I work FT and my OH is the SAHM. I know we are both doing our bit because we have equal amounts of time for ourselves (basically none). Do either of you get time to yourself and is it even?

Do you want to be a sahm?

If you don't. Then get a job

what are you most resentful about?

free time? Or cleaning? Or cooking?

cooking I enjoy. Cleaning I like the end result. I did have a cleaner for a bit when DC2 was a newborn. About 8 times before they couldn’t come again.

free time - can you do a weekly evening class?

Husband does laundry - mainly his own clothes (I do some too but he likes to wash something the second it’s dirty!!) like gym kit and he might bung some kids clothes in too. He does 2-3 washes a week I’d say. I do about 5+. I mainly hang washing out but nowadays if he’s around and notices it he will hang washing out too if he knows I’m doing something else busy for the household and he really loathes hanging washing!

I cook most weeknights, he might cook once in the week. He will do a breakfast (pancakes or eggs) for the kids on one weeekend day id day. Often a roast.

I will do the lions share of childcare at the weekend as I simply have more tolerance and patience. He might do 2-3 hours each weekend day before getting snappy.

I don’t do any ironing so he has to iron all his own shirts.

Maybe you aren't cut out for life as a SAHM. Days consisting of housework and childcare aren't everyone's cup of tea. They weren't mine.

I think the key is that you make sure you both get a similar amount of free time to either pursue hobbies or just chill in the house away from tbe kids. When I was a SAHP with kids that age, it was easy to feel like you were losing your identity, so I found having child-free time out of the house was very important to me.