Resentful SAHM...

Op I don't blame you. It's horrible to have everything to be dumped on one person. I'm a sahm too BUT my dh appreciates me as a person so helps as much as he can and if he can't then we have a cleaner and some pt nanny help. I appreciate not everyone can do this, but dh helped a lot before we could afford the help.

More mouths to feed? More pressure to maintain the income

Being a SAHM is hard and it's not as easy as get a job then (a phrase I hear too often). My situation is different as I'm also a carer for DS. He's 4: but only does 2: hours a day at school. I do all the cooking, cleaning, school drop offs and pick ups, laundry. DH does bath and bed 3 x a week but not much else, although he obviously is at work.
I think what gets me the most is that every Saturday afternoon in football season he goes upstairs to listen to football on the radio and play on his Xbox. I get that's his time to relax but when is mine?
I love DS to bits obviously and I'm lucky to be at home with him but I miss work too (and having a wee by myself). I get it's hard but I don't know how to change it.

Normal except a SAHM would usually take the school-aged child to school.

Hope you are ok OP! YANBU.
I take my hat off to stay at home mums. To me it sounds like hell.
I'm barely cut out to be a mother, I'm definitely not cut out to be a SAHM.
It sounds like you're husband does help a bit at home after working 6 days too.
The evening class you are doing is good.
Not sure what else to say.
Maybe an endpoint will help you? Would you look for a job when your youngest is in pre school?

I was a sahp I did-
Care of Ds in the day except 15 hours nursery
Cooking mon - thurs
All pots
Most laundry
Dusting/tidying
Hoovering/mopping
Deep cleaning
Bathrooms

Dh-
Worked
Put ds to bed
Cooked Fri-Sun
Garden
Bins
DIY
Technical
Cars
Occasionally put a load of washing on or empty dishwasher

We each got a lay in at weekends and care of ds at weekends was shared.

Yeah fuck me I just reread that one. He gets them dressed and breakfast and does school run and the little one does nursery in the mornings?!???! 12 hours child free time?!?!? I don’t think this is the usual SAHM set up

Absolutely they are different roles. One of them gets acknowledgment, intelligent interaction and socialisation. The other is often thankless, boring and relentless.

Don't underestimate the energy doing a job that gives you status or acknowledgment gives you. That's why so many people struggle when they retire. The sense of self worth and position gives you more than just the pay packet. SAHP get little of this.

I'm a sahm to a 6yo and 2yo. I'm pretty happy with our set up and don't feel resentful or unappreciated. We have a fair split of childcare and chores. DH gets both dcs up in the mornings and gets them dressed and gives them breakfast, and takes eldest to school. I look after 2yo all day and take her to nursery for a morning session. I do almost all cooking but DH will prep lunches and snacks the night before. We split laundry, cleaning, bedtimes and homework equally.

Weekends are spent as a family unit doing fun days out, DH oniy works Mon-Fri. I oniy get about 12 hours child-free time when youngest is in pt nursery, and we don't get any couple time without dcs except when they're in bed (and we're catching up on chores and admin). But we know it will get easier as they get older. I'm content with my decision to be a sahm and don't want to get a job.

I'm now in a same sec relationship, but for years I was a sahm with a male partner. I'm now the breadwinner in my current relationship and my wife is the sahm essentially. I make every effort to pull my weight and notice and appreciate all the invisible labour she does. I used to do it myself, after all; I know how tedious and soul destroying it can be to clean the same sink day after day. There's no "done" when it comes to housework. Nobody to sing your praises at the end of a successful project. No end of year bonus. It's like you become invisible yourself.

You absolutely should not have a dynamic where you do all the domestic work and he does nothing. As others have said, when he is home from work he should be playing his part. Yes it’s fair that you do more than him if you are not working but he should be doing some. That’s point one.

Point two is that your resentment of the situation is clear (and I don’t blame you). Being a SAHM doesn’t suit everyone. While your children are small it may make sense but over the long term it’s not a great way to live. You don’t want to be in a position where you are completely dependent on another person for money indefinitely. You are vulnerable.

Clearly you are in the thick of it now and childcare may be punitively expensive but over time if you feel like this it would make sense to be trying to think about getting your career back?

I think it would be fair to expect him to cook once a week, do a bath once or twice and chuck a load of laundry in every now and then. That’s not unreasonable unless he has a mad full on job (surgeon?!)

I'm a SAHM to 4 little ones, my eldest boys (5&6) are in full time school, and my 2 year old gets 15 hours a week in nursery so it's me and my 8 month old until 11:30am but all day it's my job to do the majority of the household stuff, my partner does help of an evening he's out from 7am-7pm so he will usually help with baths and bed when he gets home and then we blitz the house (quickly) when everyone is in bed

It should definitely be 50/50 when he's home to help, otherwise you'll just end up feeling like the unappreciated housekeeper and that's when the "my days been harder than yours" arguments start

@BoneTiredandWired you have the right to have a moan OP, just like your DH probably moans about his work 🤷‍♀️..
Sahm here but kids are older now so easier even though one is sen. I loved being with my children but sometimes I struggled as well because parenting is 24/7 so you just never get a break. Is there a gm who can watch the children sometimes so you can get some adult time together?

Yes, it seems normal and fair to me. If you dont want to be a SAHM you don’t have to, do you?

This,a thousand times. You are BOTH working.

If you do sahm activities during the week equivalent to his work then I see no reason it shouldn’t be 50/50 at weekends.

How many hours a week are you studying? You need to factor that in before considering both of your down time. He should at least do some of his own stuff, like keeping the bedroom tidy, cleaning up after diy, doing a proportion of the laundry, stacking dishwasher etc.

I think the idea that men get a wife and kids and do LESS housework that they would when they are single is repulsive.

Men still work when they live alone. Why do they deserve to do nothing when they acquire a family? When there's MORE work, not less.

Yes, he should be doing some housework, you should have time to yourself. On the weekends, everyone pitches in.