Toddler Screen Time

It sounds like you're giving her a beautiful childhood. I wouldn't worry about half an hour of TV a day, but if you'd like to work on screen time with your DH I recommend looking at @ uschooler on Instagram. He does screen time management videos, reviewing kids TV & YouTube shows to see which ones are best for developing minds. Some (unfortunately including Ms Rachel) are fab for education, but are also designed to be very stimulating and addictive.

If you'd like to get an extra break through the day, at that age my very wild, very koala like toddler would sit happily for an hour with a bucket of water and some cups to pour in too, or a bucket of sand. Makes a total mess if you do it indoors, but requires minimal supervision, and they're entranced by how sensory it is. Even now my nearly 3 year old has a massive storage box of sand in the kitchen that he'll happily play for hours with - worth the hoovering!

And thinking about it logically… if it wasn’t your first child then ‘no screens until 2’ would be pretty much impossible unless you do no screens at all for any of the kids, and I think it would be on the extreme end of the scale to (for example) ban a 6YO from watching a bit of TV in case your 3rd baby sees it!

Fwiw this wasn't really an issue for us. When DS2 was a baby, DS1 had his screen time when DS2 had his nap. It's pretty much why we introduced screens actually - it helped to have DS1 occupied while getting DS2 off to sleep

Pre warning OP. On MN you are a Very Bad Parent if your DC can’t or won’t play independently. I spent hours stressing over this with DC1. I actually laughed at a comment above stating ‘they whinge for a bit and then find something to amuse themselves with’. DC1 had and still has endless capacity for demanding stimulation and adult attention without relenting. He’s actually neurodiverse, but to be honest I think very head strong NT children can be exactly the same. It’s only since DC2 came along who actually will entertain himself that I realised it’s not me, it’s them!

We exhausted ourselves avoiding TV with DC1 until age 2. Drove ourselves into the ground trying to meet his endless need for stimulation and interaction. If I could have my time again I’d give myself a slap and say stick CBeebies on for 20 minutes and don’t feel bad about it!

I used screen time at that age (DD only contact napped so it was necessary to get some things done) but where possible I sat with her and talked to her about what we were watching.

i would say what you watch is the most important factor. Miss Rachel is educational and I would say fairly low to medium stimulation level. Cocomelon has a high frame rate and high level of stimulation. I’d say on CBeebies Bing and Twirly Woos, the Moon and Me and In the Night Garden is all ok in small doses. My DD adored Bing from about 18 months. Puffin Rock on Netflix is very calm as is Frog and Toad on Apple TV but they may not entertain an under 2 much.

We watched small amounts from 12 months, more from 18 months and probably 1-2 hours a day from 2 years. DD is 3 now and very active, articulate and nursery report very positively on her.

I didn't introduce screen time until mine were 2. I think that's what the evidence suggests is right.

I wasn't a SAHM though and I do understand that this age is challenging, independent play isn't doable for all children that age

TBH that's partly why I wasn't a SAHM, it is pretty tedious entertaining a child of this age all day

I would recommend lowering your expectations on housework and not trying to get much done during the day, use naptime as a break for you, and consider getting a bit of help if you can afford it - whether that's a cleaner or a bit of childcare

I have a 3yo. When he was a year old I started doing lots of sensory boxes with "safe" food, sand, etc and some scoops and buckets to move it round. It kept him occupied while I made a quick dinner or had a cup of tea that was still hot. It has paid dividends, because he is now happy to entertain himself when needed.

We didn't do TV at home until he was 2.5, though I think he probably had it at nursery a month earlier than that.

Totally agree that it should be a TV... preferably one with proper programmes with real humans (cbeebies Katie morag type stuff) nothing on a short loop or that's interactive as that's what leads to the mindless swiping.
And it should be when you want to make a cuppa and sit down and watch it with her, having a bit of a chat about what's happening. That's the bit that's educational, your interaction with her.
And it sounds like you are doing that.

BTW I think the best amount of screen time for a young child's development IS zero. But it's a trade off when you have one human looking after them most of that time- that's not how we evolved, it's intense work and yes you do need a tea break!

Edited to say my kids fully dropped their nap by 12-14 months (it runs in the family). If they'd napped for a couple of hours in the afternoon I would have taken a break then instead and perhaps managed without the TV break!

Nursery rhymes is fine
Repetition rhythm often colors numbers etc
It s not die hard 2

My DD is nearly 9 now - she is super bright (one of the top of her class), kind, funny, creative, curious, an absolute book worm, artistic, sporty etc - I say all of this for context because when she was 12 months old - I would absolutely let her watch some Peppa pig or Paw Patrol or something on after we had been out playing and exploring all day. I would be absolutely pooped (she was also a dreadful sleeper when she was younger) and needed a bit of down time on the sofa. As above I can not see evidence of any harm to her development what so ever. Honestly as with pretty much everything in life, moderation is key.

Thanks for the advice, I don't think you actually have children though!

Strange response just because you don't like that some parents don't use screens with their very young children.

I do have a child and I've looked after many, many more that are not my own.

No baby needs a screen. It's bad for development.

My experience is that no one worries about screen time in real life half as much as they do on mumsnet.

Our TV is always on which is the same as my friends with children too. They aren’t always actively watching it but it’s on.

This is my experience too.

I'd say the norm is that screen/tv time is introduced when the nap stops. So between 18 months and 3 depending on the child.

So that the child can have some quiet time in the middle of the day.

DS2 is nearly 2 and doesn't have screen time, but his nap time I have as a complete break. Any household stuff gets done with him pottering around. Laundry is usually a success as he likes pointing out who all the items belong to, cooking is very varied... We did the same with DS1, and only introduced TV when he dropped the nap. It was definitely easier with DS1 as he was a more placid child generally!

This is what all people did with 12 month olds before the screen revolution.

They whinge for a bit and then they learn to entertain themselves.

Your DH is right, a one year old shouldn't be sat in front of a screen for an hour a day. They also shouldn't be being actively entertained constantly. Push through the whining and enjoy life on the other side.

She sounds great if she's doing 15 minutes independently playing.

Particularly at the weekend you need to tag team to have a break.

He's in charge for an hour, and you leave the room and do something else

I’m with DH on this but I know people like him and me are in the minority.

She can play independently for 15 mins or so here and there but not for extended periods, usually when I put some Miss Rachel on for her I sit and watch it with her as I need a sit down and a rest! Were your children able to play independently for extended periods at this age? If so, do you have any advice on how to do this?

10 mins independent play is normal for that age.
You give them an activity or toy they like, they play for 10 mins while you read a book or whatever, they toddle over and you engage a bit then direct to another toy. That should give you a good 20 mins to relax.

In the evening when children are in bed is when most parents get to sit down and watch a good tv show etc.

A bit of TV is fine, my 4 yo typically has up to an hour a day (in 2-3 sessions) which hasn't really changed since he was little. He had daily zoom calls when he was a baby as it was lockdown. They do need some quiet time as well, snuggling up with books is good for that too, maybe DH could try that instead of more active play if he wants an alternative to screen time!

Tv, yes

Tablet etc, no

And by play independently they mean play for 5 to 10 minutes.

So for example, if you've set up an activity. Blocks, Towers etc then she should manage five minutes of knocking them down without you being involved.

Then over the years as they get older they can play for longer.

At this age, they normally sleep during the day and are bed at 7. So that's when you get downtime and rest.

For example, meal prep during lunchtime nap

I'm actually with your DH on this. I have a 4yo who goes to nursery 4 days a week and a 22mo at home. We only have screen time on the days the older one is at home, and only 20-30 mins which we watch together after lunch, usually while the younger one is napping. If he's around, he also watches too but only for a couple of minutes before he's bored and back to trying to climb all the furniture 🥴. I personally don't see any point in screens for an under 3yo - neither of mine would have been interested in them at that point (older one used to look behind tablets/TVs etc) and they both find things to do in the absence of screens. I don't play with them constantly BUT I do pretty much have to interact with them constantly (e.g. I can cook or clean or do admin but need to answer questions/acknowledge what they're doing more or less constantly). It is a lot, but even with a screen my younger one constantly wants me to validate what he's seeing anyway (mummy look, penguin! Penguin! Penguin!) so it's not a break.