Toddler Screen Time

I agree with your husband and haven’t used tv with either of mine. I also don’t think it’s inevitable that a younger child watches tv because of the older one as that isn’t something we do either.

You’ll have to work it out between you as equal parents but he’s not wrong though he may be unusual given by many comments on here.

They won’t play independently for a good chunk of time for a while get! You have to give them a different activity every few minutes. Toy rotation is a pain but really does help, swap a different basket of toys around each week (did this all the time with my first, never with my second but if I could just get myself sorted enough to do it I know he’d massively benefit from it).

If your DH is at home and doesn’t want her watching tv, then he entertains her.

If you’re exhausted, time her naps to be done at home so you can get a break. Do the household jobs during her awake time - this is honestly the biggest game changer I learnt going from one to two kids. First kid I drove myself mad trying to race around getting all the jobs done while he slept. Second kid I chill while he sleeps and then we do jobs together when he’s awake, yes it takes (a lot) longer but it means less playing and more learning for them and more downtime for you.

It’s tough though I do get it. My eldest had no screen time until 2+. Youngest (20 months) gets it because it’s on but doesn’t sit down and actually watch it and he doesn’t have it on when eldest is out, the only exception has been this last week when he has been so poorly he’s not wanted to move off the sofa.

Congratulations on your bright toddler.

Had absolutely nothing to do with my question though, which was about why have it on if the child ISN'T watching it. Not why would you have it on if he is watching it (I managed to work that one out for myself!).

The only TV my DC all got was watching Countdown at that age! They came to love the countdown clock noise!

Other than that perhaps numblocks or something phonics based.

Screens for under 2s really isn't recommended.

Maybe you don't agree with having the tv on at all. My 2 year old is delightful and very switched on little sausage, but can be a full on whirlwind. If I need to have a drink / tidy up a bit I will put a Julia Donaldson on for 20mins so we can chat about what's happening and have a distraction from climbing on mummy / the sofa / pulling out all of the toys.

Use the telly for a break - it’s not unreasonable.
There’s educational bits you can pop on if you feel bad about it!

Background noise probably.

Yes, sometimes it does. For a relatively short period of time. We are generally quite a low TV household - he has an hour a day at most, often a lot less. We chose to meet his desire for intense 1:1 interaction where possible as he is generally more regulated both at home and, more importantly, at school, if his emotional bucket is full.

But I get that for other parents who aren’t as fortunate as DH and I are (relatively flexible jobs, good physical health, strong relationship, relative financial security) TV can be an absolute godsend to help dysregulated kids regulate, alongside allowing for some much needed downtime. And I absolutely don’t judge them for that.

It’s strange because today at the park (the epitome of good parenting you would think) there was a woman with a baby who I would say was around nine months who just sat in her pushchair. Just sat.

I don’t think either of mine are especially demanding or difficult, especially dc2, but no way would they just … sit.

The main issue with screens is when it replaces other activities. I’m confident mine do a range of different things which don’t involve screens at all.

That must be very difficult.

Does the TV satiate his need for intense 1:1 interaction?

What about the sheer amount of distress perceived abandonment causes him then? Which is absolutely how he views refusals to interact or ‘play’ - look up rejection sensitive dysphoria, common in ADHD and autism. Ironically, he is not infrequently told no as sometimes, intense 1:1 interaction isn’t possible. I wish I could record his reaction for people like you who clearly don’t think we are parenting properly. 4 bloody years we’ve been trying to develop independent play and it hasn’t got any easier.

There are also just differences in how tv in treated in households and that will influence the approach.

In some households the tv is on all day like background noise.

And in others it's only turned on at specific times to watch a specific programme and then immediately turned off.

If you are the later then you will have a different approach to tv time to the former.

No-one said the play had to be imaginative.

Hold fire on suing the educational psychologist!

I should report the educational psychologist and therapists who undertook my son’s autism assessment then. As they very much understood that autistic children often struggle with imaginative, self directed play. If only they just ‘believed’ a little bit more eh?

Out of interest, if the two year old is happy playing anyway why have the TV on at all?

My kids played while the TV was on. It wasn't some magical box that was only switched on for 2 minutes a day.

When it became a third parent.

When children had to be either actively entertained by a parent or the TV and 'just playing' became something people didn't believe possible.

We've had Mog's Christmas, and the Snowman and Snowdog on this afternoon and feel no guilt. We were out all day yesterday and this morning had a walk before putting the Christmas tree and decorations up in the house. We all needed a little quiet time. 2 year old doesn't sit still in front of the tv, he carries on pootling around. It just means I can say "what's the pussy cat doing now" etc and he can tell me what's happening.

When did watching the TV become 'screen time' OP it's fine. MN is weird about kids watching TV.

Ah, you have one of those children. Me too.
“Just give them a wooden spoon and a pot and they’ll be entertained for hours” yeah bloody right!

What I took from this though (this was me about 18 months ago, like literally everything you’ve written) is it’s actually the whinging you need to work on. She is whinging because she is communicating the only way she knows how, and guess what? You respond to it quickly. Guess what she’s learning to do to get you to respond quickly? More whinging.

What you need to do, and consistency is key here, is every time you are busy or doing something where you can’t instantly stop is to say “I’m sorry darling, mummy is just doing x. Let me finish doing x and then I will pick you up/help you with that”. Then when you are finished the thing you were doing you can do what she is asking. At her age it’s difficult because she doesn’t have the language yet, but soon she will, but if you keep responding to whinging she will default to that even when she does have the words. I had this with my little girl, so even when she could talk…. Eurghhh the whinging! But I started doing this AND then when I knew she could communicate words I would say “I’m sorry darling, I do want to help you but I can’t understand what you’re saying when you don’t use words”.
I was very consistent with this and genuinely started to see results within a couple of weeks. It’s not always a whinge-free zone (hello, toddlers!) but it’s soooo much better.

The thing to remember is that although she is a toddler who still needs you a lot, she isn’t a baby anymore who needs feeding that very second, or holding that very instant.

She sounds very bright and it might be the time to start introducing things to make her feel very big and clever. Once she gets that taste for independence she might be more inclined to leave you alone and figure things out herself. Start small, like “when we’ve finished brushing our teeth, the toothbrush goes here” then after every time you brush her teeth you give her the toothbrush and ask her to put it back and say a lot of “thank you for helping mummy” types of things.

The fact you are so responsive to her that’s she’s become a whinger tells me you are a good mum. Now you’re questioning screen time, also a good mum. I very much doubt you give her too much screen time from what you say and some days you just need to survive.

Work on her independence (it’s what she’s crying out for) and then you may find you don’t need much screen time anyway.

90s parents plonked us in front of the TV and we turned out fine.

All i can remember is watching TV for hours on end, everyone still grows up to want to watch Netflix or tele at the end of a day, look at 70+ year olds, never had TVs growing up but they're obsessed now!! We all end up the same. We "read" about how bad screen time is whilst looking into a screen and expect our kids to grow up and inevitably never use a screen! Its ridiculous. She will be fine and your husband needs to chill.

I'm 29 for context, i also have a 12 month old and 39 weeks pregnant with my second so screen time is necessary at times.

We didn't always have screen time. Yes we had TV.. but my children played with toys.. l read to them.. played toys with them.. gosh how did we manage back in the day?.. we just did.

You could be describing DC1. I remember crying whilst reading on here during a moment of despair that a 3 month old should be happy in a bouncer looking out of a window at light and shadows. At that age, DC1 was basically crying if he wasn’t been walked around, upright, facing outwards, inspecting an ever changing vista, such as moving traffic or a fun run. Nobody will believe you unless they’ve had a baby like this. It’s very hard, especially when it’s your first

@Gmary22
OP my DD 5 gave up all naps at 18 months, so we used an hour tv to get her (and us) to rest a bit in the middle of the day else she'd be non stop and it was exhausting. I worked part time, she got loads of one to one attention from both me and DH (both teachers, both thought we were anti screens until all naps stopped).
As for development it clearly didn't harm her as she started school this September and can read fluently, is sociable and happy. Wish I could go back and not bother worrying about it at all. Give yourself a break and put on alphablocks!

Screens and internet weren't a thing then my oldest two were toddlers so yes it can be done. We had internet at home but no tablets and snartphones. Internet was mostly for work.

We have an 11 yo as the youngst. I did screen time at 1 yo but only to expose her for my native language and always together with a parent. Not just for entertainment.

Of course you can raise children without a screen and you can raise a child with one. It's a choice but both can be done.