To expect my SIL to keep her aggressive cat away during Xmas?

What gets me is that she expects you to be ok with your kids getting scratched, so I would assume that her ‘baby’ would be ok if they hurt her?

That level of emotional blackmail is demented. I can't believe you, FIL and DH are tolerating such nonsense all the time. It much be exhausting.

First of all I wouldn't go. I would tell DH he can go on his own but I would not have my christmas or DC christmas ruined by a psychotic cat or SiL.
If you go, take water pistols and spray the cat and SiL if cat comes near.
You could develop an allergy to cats giving you a legit reason for staying away.!

Hardly surprising SiL is on her own is it.

No need to explain the family dynamic - I get it.
What I struggle to understand is how a father could willingly put his own kids at the risk of being scratched significantly again by a cat that his sister owns.
Well done on sending that message on the family chat but stand firm on this would be my advice.

It reads as if you don’t have much choice in the matter so I suggest that you very obvious wear protective clothing. Wellington boots and gloves, indoors, that sort of thing. Let your imagination rip and enjoy making your point

You can’t control anyone else’s behaviour - only your own.

So if you decide to go (and that definitely is optional, regardless of what you say) then you say that you’re not risking the kids getting hurt by the car, so either the cat gets shut in a room or you and the kids will be shut in a room and the cat can have the rest of the house. You’ll be having your meals in that room and opening presents in that room, and everyone but the cat is welcome to join. If SIL cries, then you get upset with worry about your kids.

Yes, this.
OP you don't need to have hysterics but you do need to lay down your boundaries and stick to them.
Your DH SHOULD be prioritising his children. By pandering to SIL he is letting you down. Refuse to go if the cat is there. Time to get tough without tears (yours anyway ).

I couldn't cope with that level of emotional manipulation. Or animal cruelty. As so many have said, that poor cat is being mistreated by sil so that she can feel better about herself . And as for a grown woman moaning about how she isn't the main priority for everyone - give me strength . Is she hard work like this in other aspects of her life, or does she reserve it for the family?

Sorry Op your husbands family is weird with unhealthy dynamics but so is he by going along with it. His sister being upset at him going away on a weekend away with you because it reminded her of being single? Ugh 🤢

, it's the significance behind it - showing her cat doesn't matter as much.

But her cat doesn’t matter as much, does she and your MIL think her cat should matter as much to your husband (or even his parents) as your kids??

I don’t really get the “it’s the significance behind it” surely that’s the same with most people to an extent, we are all emotional beings but we still wouldn’t try and prioritise someone having a cat next to them at Christmas over safety of children.

So he tries to avoid that kind of drama, just like his dad does, and he knows from me it'll be a calm conversation rather than sobbing and slamming doors.

So what you are telling us is he’s basically taking advantage of your “good nature” and doing what he feels will cause him less drama rather than doing what is right and safe for his wife and kids?!

Embarrassing (for him) .

Your husband is behaving very poorly.

i wouldn't be able to put up with this. SIL contains the cat, or DH goes with the DCs alone.
Or you go and the first time the cat attacks a DC you leave and go home.
Water pistols for everyone who doesn't want the cat near them?

She is being ridiculous, i get she's sad because she doesn't have children, but your children DO rank higher than the bloody cat. If they don't, i wouldn't be taking them anywhere near it.

I used to have one of these territorial cats ( I never took her to other houses for Christmas of course but she was very choosy about who could be welcomed in our house 😆), your DH is very naive you basically will need to be glued to your kids all the time without drinking do his reaction time will not be affected. And it’s very scary for a child even if the scratch is small.
Your text is very good. Hope it will be resolved.

Cat would have got a boot up the bum if it scratched my child, and banned.

Tell sil its an animal not a child, it’s not remotely equal to your dc, if she cries, just tell her the truth, that she is manipulative and needs therapy and a reality check.

In fact I wouldn’t spend Christmas with such a weird woman.

I find that sad that your Mum kept visiting your Gran without insisting the cat be kept away from you. It could easily have lunged for you despite your mums best efforts to keep an eye on things.

I'd probably tell her that every time her cat attacked or scratched one of my kids I'd slap her in the face. That way the cat doesn't get injured but I'd feel better about it...

She's a massive, massive bellend. Nobody would put up with this shite from a dog so why a cat?

I love animals. It's a fucking cat. It doesn't know it's Christmas! I'd never hurt an animal but I'd hurt a person for being such a twat at the sight of kids getting injured by one. Fucks sake.

SiL is totally bonkers and PiL and DH are enabling her crazy behaviour. And as for crying if the cat can’t roam free… what utter shite

Bit off topic but this reminds me of a flat ad I saw online when I was younger. The person looking for a housemate said his cat needed to be able to roam the house and have access to everywhere.

I messaged to clarify if he meant excluding the bedroom I’d be renting and he said no - it needed to have access to my bedroom too.

At least he let people know what they were signing up for and his flat his rules I guess, but I thought it was bonkers - the idea of paying good money (it was London) to rent a room in a flat and then having to let a cat that’s not yours come in to the bedroom -maybe even the bathroom too - whenever it wanted is crazy to me. Especially when we don’t know its temperament.

I see and thanks for pointing that out. I didn't realise if that's what she meant.

Are you OP's SIL? If not, what do you mean?

I was talking about the many people who claim the cat is being prioritised, which I don't think is really the case since being dragged along on a Christmas visit is horrible for the cat.

SIL is the one being prioritised.

The cat isn't a child however and people need to stop pandering to her , including your DH

Have Christmas at your own home and stop indulging these people

Well done on that message.

When I was a kid my gran had a vicious siamese, which she loved. At 3 yrs old it scratched me down the face, missing my eye by mm. After that, my mum pulled me away from it every time we visited.

It took 30 years for me to get over my fear of cats enough to visit a house with one. I don't remember gran's cat, but I do remember learning to be terrified of them. You have a tough job to keep kids safe from DSiL's cat, and not teach them to fear all felines...

KoKo's point, I think, was if SIL was really putting her cat/child substitute FIRST, she'd let the poor thing stay in its own home and not be in strange house with young children for several days.

It's going to be a frigging nightmare because it's stressed and in an unfamiliar environment. SIL is putting herself and her delusions before the welfare of the cat.

Honestly, her awful cat (which as an internet stranger I am finding a hilarious beast, aside from the child injuries; but I appreciate this is your life) is a fucking liability and if my kids were hurt by someone like SIL this way (and it is SIL’s fault, not the cat’s), gloves would be off. I’d be tempted to go nuclear and say, “You know what, SIL, perhaps you wouldn’t be alone and no one’s priority if you weren’t so fucking loony about your HORRIBLE DEVIL CAT. It’s not coming to Christmas, because it’s a CAT.”

Even if you’re less aggressive-aggressive than me (I’ve tried passive aggressive and I just prefer snarling), make sure to only ever refer to it as it. Refuse to engage in her fur baby games.

(I love cats, btw. But your SIL is criminally insane.)

But at the moment, her “child” trumps yours because it’s allowed to misbehave and attack. Your children aren’t allowed to scratch or attack anyone I take it?

SiL is totally bonkers and PiL and DH are enabling her crazy behaviour. And as for crying if the cat can’t roam free… what utter shite

Who the fuck takes a cat to someone's house for Christmas. Ridiculous. YANBU OP.