To expect my SIL to keep her aggressive cat away during Xmas?

Poor old cat just needs a proper feed of turkey (not toddler legs) and then it will sleep for 95% of the day.

They are utterly ridiculous. Maintain your position and do not cave.

Honestly as a cat & dog owner and lover and we can no longer all holiday together because of neurotic dog I am rolling my eyes so bloody much.

The cat will be much calmer and happier shut away whilst the DC are up.

This isn't fair on your kids, you, anyone involved, or in fact the cat - who shouldn't be in such a stressful, unfamiliar environment.

Just stay home. Your family chat message was fine, but you need to double down on it. Any chinks in the armour which makes it look as though the cat will be anywhere near your toddlers, and you need to refuse to come. You will in the end have to refuse to come.

At the risk of sounding like my own mother, that cat could have one of your babies' eyes out.

The whole family sounds loopy. Your husband needs to get better at supporting his family. And that's you and the babies btw, not your whiney SIL and MIL. What kind of PIL let their grandchildren get scratched by a cat btw? And continue to be at risk of it?

No way would I spend my Christmas like this!

SIL sounds batshit

Also , this doesn’t add up - you’ve given your IL the chance to see the kids just before Christmas so if they are really that bothered about their daughter having to deal with the cat being locked away why not just take you up on that offer?

Honestly I’d just rather be safe than sorry and do without seeing them at all at Christmas Day if your SIL is being this unhinged about agreeing to put her cat away.

How do you know your SIL will stick to the agreement and won’t start crying and pulling at the heartstrings of her parents?

I think they will agree to it then do a 180 on the 25th once you’re already there.

No, I'm not. I don't even have a cat. I'm allergic to cat fur actually. I do think the cat is being prioritised though (by the SIL). I can see why you believe the SIL is doing wrong by the cat but I doubt SIL would agree.

Stay strong.
None of that needs any input from you ata ll.
Nothing above.
OK
Do not reply.
Do not engage.
Let them create theor drama. You have your Line. Do not cross it.

For goodness sake what a ridiculous, melodramatic over reaction. Do not cave in, stand firm - I know it will be hard the guilt tripping will be immense but you have to stick to your guns on this.

By the way I am a cat lover and indeed a dog lover had several of each throughout child and adult hood so my advice is not coming from a place of not liking or considering pets as part of the family it is coming from a place of (1) protecting your children and allowing them to have a stress free time and (2) concern for the welfare of the cat.

Frankly they both sound completely unhinged, and as said I wouldn't be going

Why spend what should be a pleasant day listening to SIL boo-hooing over her damn cat being shut away and MIL carrying on about how hard done to she is?
It's enough to give anyone nervous indigestion and you can do without that too

I don’t even mean this to be cruel but your SIL - and maybe the whole family really does need therapy. Deeply unhealthy and strange dynamics.

She is trying to manipulate your family and your MIL is going along with it because she’s of a similar mindset. Making a long drive at this time of night is also a way of making a statement.

I imagine the next move will be to tell you all about how distressed SIL is and try and guilt trip you into changing your mind. Stand your ground!

This is all very toxic!

It’s ridiculous. A solution has been suggested. The cat will be fine in another room. Why do they need to make it such a drama.

I can’t imagine any cat I’ve known and loved being ok with being taken out of its home to a house full of people and not going feral.

Your SIL is the one being unkind to her cat and unrealistic in her expectations of everyone else.

Cat bites are nasty and should always be taken seriously due to the infection risks - I can’t believe your family’s attitude to this.

Hope your text will sort things out but it doesn’t seem very likely.

Just say no OP. Just say no. Good luck!

People need to tell her that she is important in her own right

This is so true, as someone who has moved through life mostly as a single and childfree woman - this is one of the most important messages you can receive.

You don’t need to bring a pet (or news of a great job promotion or a fancy new car) to prove your value as a person, as a woman in the absence of a child and partner. You alone are important and enough just as you are!

Pussyfooting lol.
This thread is crazy, does she clean up when it's craps in the house?

I think you need to explain to your husband that he is not helping his sister in the long term. She needs to understand that children are more important than pets and fur babies are not the same as real babies. People need to tell her that she is important in her own right.

Is this your SIL’s cat? You are totally in the right and as a cat lover myself I believe it’s very cruel of her to take it away from it’s home environment and none of your IL’s should be putting the cat before the safety of your DC’s

Yeah I wouldn’t be going and neither would my children. Toxic family allowing this kind of bullshit to continue. You are all pandering to this woman while allowing yourselves and your children to get physically hurt. Stop pussy footing around her and protect your children.

That cat is being very badly treated. Mine would go mad if I dragged her around to unfamiliar places. The cat is perceiving everything as a threat, it can’t help it. Your SIL is unbelievably self centred, not only is she giving no thought to your kids, but she has a complete fantasy about how her relationship with the cat works.

Get dc a waterpistol each....

OK thanks for explaining that - so I appreciate they may be a bit more sentimental and less pragmatic than you, but my main point is your DH wanting to pander to them on this occasion because it will “upset” his sister shows the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

He isn’t being very logical here - his children could be badly hurt at worst or you’ll be on high alert at best. And yet, he is still in favour of his prioritising his sisters “wants” - which are dressed up as “needs”.

Unless of course his “logic” is “my sister is more important than my wife and kids” or “my sister will put up more of a fight if she doesn’t get her way so I’ll just sideline my wife’s wishes and risk our kids for an easy life”

I mean on the bright side you can say it is good he seems to care about his sister, as some men don’t - but overall, I’d say his inability to prioritise his children’s and wife safety and comfort , and being so easily manipulated by his sister/mum isn’t great and doesn’t bode well.

He needs to do better as a husband and father, and not repeat the mistakes of his own father.

Have you looked up the number of serious infections that can be inflicted by cat bites and scratches? I wouldn't want my children anywhere near this cat; your husband is gambling with your children’s health. This would not be happening to my children; they’d be staying home.

Your SIL is batshit.

i’m a cat lover and it is wacky to take a cat to someone’s house, the poor thing is probably distressed.

Tip. I had a cat that attacked ankles and I remember a bit of Vicks vapour rub on your ankle and wrist works wonders. Cat won’t come near you. If you’re lucky then neither will SIL.

SIL needs therapy if other people having a life makes her cry because "it reminds her that she's single".

Equally I couldn't be doing with having an appeaser for a DH. Where will it all end?

But seriously, claw clippers. That way the poor cat can't actually hurt anyone and is just annoying.