To expect my SIL to keep her aggressive cat away during Xmas?

I'd pity the man walking in to that den!!! Holy heavens that man would have to completely head over heels in love with SiL or thick as two short planks to actively put themselves in to a position with a woman like this.

Fascinating observation. She does seem to be a hammer looking for a nail.

Im obsessed with my cat, he is my baby (feel free to vom)

But what the fuck
You don't take cats visiting with you like dogs.

I'd be loudly shaming her for abusing her pet by dragging it to other houses, out of its own comfort and territory.

She is a moron and I'd be loudly sympathising with the cat, saying km not surprised it's acting like a cunt, it wants to be AT HOME.

Thing is, I bet the poor cat would enjoy the space (and if it's in the kitchen the food!)

Perfect

I think you have put a clear boundary in place that's fair and reasonable. Rather than compromise they tried to emotionally blackmail you into submission.

You need to say to them, at the absolute core of this situation is the health and safety of your children. Nothing else is worth more including SILs feelings or Christmas. We tried last year and unfortunately the kids were hurt, this situation was minimised by everyone to avoid hurting SILs feelings and now in order to avoid hurting them further I've offered a reasonable compromise which has been rejected. So the balls in your court, if you can come up with a solution where my children can enjoy Christmas without the fear of being hurt then by all means I will consider it. Otherwise we are going to my family instead.

You have absolutely stood by reasonable expectations and they are trying to railroad you into their view for their benefit.

I'm really saddened that your husband is not supporting you. But maybe that's for another thread!

You put it so much better than I did.

and with that said I'm booking tickets to my home country. DH got very cross, said if I go then he'll never forget it..

I am sorry your husband has taken that attitude, how awful of him he should be prioritising his wife and children dreadful that he is not.

Just tell SIL that there is no sane man out there that will want to enter into a relationship with such a sad cat lady and you're not prepared to put your kids at risk. The best thing for all of you is if the cat is PTS and she'll then get a lovely man who will give her lots of real human babies and you can return the chain mail trousers to the fancy dress emporium.

DH has got a bit of a cheek really since you are dragged to his parents every Christmas... a family of very self centred individuals

DH got very cross, said if I go then he'll never forget it..

I would give him the death stare and say 'And I will never forget how clear you've made it that your parents and sister are more important than me and your own children. NEVER' and leave the room. Seriously, he should be scared as hell at how much he's riled up his nice calm wife.

The irony that SIL is affronted for her poor cat… whilst not recognising that the cat is probably reactive due to the stress of being out of her normal routine and environment and would probably much rather be at home. FFS.

@juiceboxjuggle WTFyour spineless H is thinking allowing the psychotic cat to scratch HIS children to satisfy his mad mother and sister?
If the cat takes an eye out of the child will he be happy about it? It’s alright to allow for HIS children to be hurt?

He’s bonkers but that only shows how brainwashed he is in entertaining the whole idea of cat ruling the Christmas

Yes that's how I read it, but I thought (though could be mistaken) that you'd already said you weren't going ... in which case what would be the point of circling back to "as long as the cat's not there"?

This cousin sounds batshit too.

Well done you for sticking to your guns on this OP, your children have to come first and frankly I think it is an odd thing to do to say you really love an animal but then force it in to stressful situations like this.

I absolutely adore my cat - and because I adore her I wouldn't dream of dragging her off visiting houses with me! Her welfare comes before my desire to have her with me at all times.

I feel a bit sorry for the SIL because it sounds like she desperately wants attention, but this isn't the way to sort things out.

My understanding is that OP made it clear that their attendance was conditional on no cat roaming around. When MIL and SIL wailed and gnashed and said that wasn’t fair, how could OP be such an unfeeling cat auntie, she said fine, that settles it then, we will go to X and have a lovely time without being mauled or surrounded by utter nut jobs.

I may have misunderstood though…

No reason ILS should always get Christmas just because your parents are from a different culture. I am sure they will still love seeing how excited the kids get and will appreciate it tremendously.

I am also a mad cat lady and wouldn’t dream of forcing my cats to another house with me. They aren’t dogs, they would hate it. Given how neurotic SIL is, it’s no wonder the cat is untrustworthy.

Your SIL is giving us Single Mad Cat Ladies a bad name!

I hope DH realises he is being manipulated by MIL:SIL and joins you. If not, you will still have a great time.

I said that I don't want to risk the scratches so literally at the first sighting of the kitty we are leaving. MIL started saying about how SIL has had a hard year (she says this every year, hard because she's still single at Xmas), the cat is her everything and it's unfair on SIL to make her feel even worse, it's Xmas after all. SIL is crying and hugging her kitty, how could we be so heartless.
After listening to this a few times on repeat I just said that I understand it's difficult for SIL and it is Christmas - I don't want to ruin hers after a hard year. But my children are my absolute priority so I wish them a lovely Xmas but we are not coming

So if I've got this right, within the same conversation you first said you'd go and then that you wouldn't? And this after all that's gone on?

I realise of course that they'll wail and moan and do exactly as they want on pain of creating one hell of a scene, but with the best will in the world that doesn't sound like very clear messaging to me

Christmas duck - love it! 😂

so Xmas this year won't be very Xmassy for the kids (my mum literally said "will you help me bake the duck like it should be at Christmas?" so I had to explain it's a turkey and that yes I will) but at least it'll be safe!

Nah have duck. Much nicer than turkey! We always have duck or goose.

Not the point of the thread, I know.

The poor cat is in a strange place and there's all these people that she's not sure of, no wonder she plays up.

I'm not on cat defence but it explains it's behavior. You can get automatic cat feeders so if she really loved the cat she'd leave it at home.

Well done sticking to your guns. They sound batshit.

So is it just you and DC going to your parents for Christmas Duck? Or is DH going too?