To expect my SIL to keep her aggressive cat away during Xmas?

My old cat was unsocialised and very aggressive to strangers especially children (but usually very affectionate to me thankfully).

When friends with children visited I always kept them apart and warned them.

Yes I'm sadly childless but although I loved her to bits I would never have inflicted her on relatives like your SIL is doing with her cat.
I would have found a capable cattery for the few days.

Sorry they all sound batshit crazy.

I hope you and your DC have a lovely Christmas either way!

SIL's wrong to compare cat scratches to playground scrapes. They can easily leed to infection and need to be medicated. Cat mouths have a lot of bacteria.

That boat rocking analogy upthread was bang on.

They are all insane, jumping to pacify the batshit drama llama sister (who is old enough to know better) and her enabler drama llama mother.

DH will never forget? How about YOU will never forget that he prioritised his sister’s tantrum over the safety of his children?

Just seen the update - well unfortunately that was all very predictable! It was clear they had no intention of keeping the cat in the room and were just banking on emotionally manipulating you.

Well done on sticking to your guns and booking the tickets!

Yeah SIL's take on it is "don't they get cuts and grazes in the playground". By that logic - I may burn myself making dinner tonight so why don't I jump into a burning building for fun.

Your sister in law sounds more horrific with every update. She has zero empathy for anyone apart from herself by the sounds of it.

Is she really comparing a kid grazing their knee to having an animal attack them? Aside from the risk of infection, there’s the mental impact of it. Or does she want your kids to develop a fear of cats?

I was scratched twice as a kid by friends cats and the cut wasn’t deep at all , didn’t even break my skin. However being attacked by an animal was still psychologically an unpleasant experience and sticks in my mind far more than the cuts and bumps I got while having fun playing with friends.

Your husband should be ashamed of himself. Tell him it’s you who won’t forget him prioritising his sister and her cat, if he doesn’t back you up.

Also, there's a yawning gap between a grazed knee and a bit of gravel and a swipe across a child's eye from a cat's claw. Also, does this particular cat bite? Cats' mouths absolutely teem with horrible bacteria, enough to give an adult human sepsis. When we were at the vet during the summer with our tortie, my husband got her tail trapped as he put her back in her carrier. Quick as a flash, her head went down and she bit his hand hard enough to draw blood. I should add that I've never met a sweeter, more chilled cat, (she'd never done anything like that in 8 years) but even she has her limits. The vet gave my husband an antibacterial wipe and told him to see a GP. As it turned out, he was fine, no need for medical attention, but the point is that even nice cats bite and claw and can do a lot of damage.

She's a fucking clown. Kids get accidental cuts and grazes from running around, having fun. How is that comparable to being clawed by a bloody cat while sitting at the dinner table minding your own business?
Anyway, you've made your position clear to the whole family of fruit-loops now. Leave them to their ridiculous, child-free Christmas. Hell mend them, as my mum would have said.

Also - your DC won't forget that Your DH chose his sister's cat over them.
And wouldn't forget that either

SIL is manipulative and ML seems to love the drama. And your DH is spineless.

Leave them all to ir

Quite. Which is why I wrote out 'put to sleep' rather than PTS. PTS is easy. Three little letters that have been dehumanised. So much easier to think of it as PTS, rather than 'why don't you kill your cat?'.

I'm going with your opinion.

Have you told Dh you are never going to forget it anyway, and if he doesn’t work out his priorities then his children will forever remember it as the year daddy stopped spending Christmas with us and how the fuck do you think that will make them feel? I look forward to you explaining to your estranged adult children that you had no choice because your sister loves her cat more than I love you, and they can mutter yes dad the fucking cat and crazy aunty x, you’ve explained so many times why she is so much more important than us and you’re not listening. We don’t care. Go away.

No parent in their right mind puts their child in the firing line. Except, it seems, your DH, who can't see any further than his mum and sister being upset. When it all could be avoided if the poor cat could be shut away in one secure room, which the cat would infinitely prefer anyway.

And even better if the cat could stay in her comfy & familiar home with regular visits.

I'd guess SIL is just seeing 'a little scratch' or a 'teeny tiny bite' which she is probably used to. But the real problem is that 'a little scratch' in the wrong place or that gets bacteria into the wound can be a really huge problem FOR A CHILD. Same with a bite. I mean, it can be a big problem for an adult, but a poorly child is a very different kettle of fish. A cat could blind a child, their heads are at just the height for a good jump-and-claw.

No parent in their right mind puts their child in the firing line. Except, it seems, your DH, who can't see any further than his mum and sister being upset. When it all could be avoided if the poor cat could be shut away in one secure room, which the cat would infinitely prefer anyway.

I have two cats. Christmas at my mums with my baby niece, a load of adults they don't know in a house they don't know would be there idea of hell as would locking them in to one room - which is why your SIL most probably won't put her cat in a room because the cat will hate it.

I just couldn't face going, I think your husband is being unreasonable.

I had a cat like this but she would bite guests hard. I kept her in my room when I had guests, she was quite happy napping In there and had everything she needed. She was my world too but there was no way she was biting my guests. Your SIL is being ridiculous.

God love you OP, batshit inlaws and a husband whom doesn't care about his wife or children.

Enjoy Christmas with your family, maybe have a rethink about your husband.

You and your children deserve much better.

Exactly.

The cat is a victim here too, she’s being forced into a stressful situation.

If SIL genuinely wants to prioritise her, she should let her stay at home.

Good for you OP! Stick to your guns. Your SIL sounds like a spoilt brat. Don’t give in or she’ll never change. Let PIL visit you (without SIL and cat) a few days before.

Good on you OP!
But brace yourself for the cat being absolutely miserable over Christmas, as many have already stated due to it being taken from its home etc, but it all being your fault because, "Oh, the poor cat is so upset and reacting because she knows how OP feels about her and OP wanted her to be left out."
The reality will be that the cat just wants to go home, will not give a shit about you/how you feel about her, and will probably be relieved not to have any toddlers about.
But still - that cat will be hurt/upset by OP's request.

What kind of sick fuck are you, hoping for the cat (who is the one individual here with zero ability to change the situation) to be put down?

Why should the poor cat be put to sleep when it's the SIL who's batshit? She needs to book a sitter for the days she'll be away and let the cat remain at home in familiar surroundings. If she can't afford the sitter then get a couple of automatic feeders and make sure that there's plenty of water available.

Maybe show DH this thread? The sheer weight of consensus here may well help him to gain some perspective

@juiceboxjuggle - you wrote "After listening to this a few times on repeat I just said that I understand it's difficult for SIL and it is Christmas - I don't want to ruin hers after a hard year. But my children are my absolute priority so I wish them a lovely Xmas but we are not coming, and with that said I'm booking tickets to my home country. DH got very cross, said if I go then he'll never forget it... so Xmas this year won't be very Xmassy for the kids "

I'm really shocked at how your DH is allowing his Sister and his Mother to interfere with his family. By not protecting his children this is what he is allowing happen. They are also affecting your marriage because if you go, "he'll never forget it" which sounds awfully like a threat to me.

I'd make the Christmas to your parents the best Christmas as it will be different and fun!

This is crazy. Cats are much more place animals than people animals. The cat would be happier at home in familiar territory, but clearly your SIL won't agree to this. She's putting her own needs before the animal's needs. It's probably nervous off home territory which makes it more likely to be aggressive.

You must put your foot down and insist, over SIL's tears and tantrums, that for times when the children will be vulnerable, the cat must be shut in another room. Cats are hunting carnivores and unfortunately, if they are really frightened, they will go for eyes. I know two people who were scratched in the eye by a frightened cat. It's dangerous, extremely painful and takes a long time to heal. It's like spending a week or more with a large piece of grit in your eye. Ask your DH to think of one of your DC spending Christmas in A&E with a scratched cornea, and get his support.