To expect my SIL to keep her aggressive cat away during Xmas?

Perhaps a comment to the effect that if Vicious Cat even comes within striking distance of you or your DC, you will smack it good and hard? You don't actually have to smack it. On the other hand, you could...

If your husband doesn't want to upset his sister then tell him to go on his own and you'll stay at home with the kids. Force the issue, have the row and then you'll have a firm boundary to keep your kids safe.

Or go, suck it up and take Dettol.

@juiceboxjuggle take your neighbours dog!!! get a puppy this year then you wont need to stay over next year! take a pile of catnip this year and feed it full every morning!!

I would highlight the ridiculousness of the situation, just to make a point. Go armed with sleeping bags and sit in them while you eat. And on the sofa. If SIL or PIL say anything, say ‘it’s this or the cat gets shut in the kitchen. Or we leave’

Beaphar - Herbal Calming Cat Treats - Helps Reduce Stress & Problem Behaviour - Delicious Meaty Treats - Contains the Natural Herb Valerian, Hop Flowers, & Melissa - 35g Resealable Bag https://amzn.eu/d/5hyFXQc

I use these I also give my cats zyclene or you calm tablets but unless your confident giving cats pills those might be out unless you spike the food

You can also get a treat ball like for dogs only smaller and give the cat that to distract them basically if no-one will stand up to sil and your not going to stay home you need strategies how to calm it down

Make sure you all wear trousers and socks. Explain to the kids to keep well away from the cat

Sorry to all cat lovers out there, but common sense must prevail here.

Cat stays in the garage with dreamies and whatever else it loves + litter tray. That would be the minimum I would demand.

And a valium sandwich for its owner too. Together with a hefty glass of wine. She won't care after that.

I'd lose my shit if a cat took precedence over my child. The End.

I'm a cat owner and the reason it's being aggro is probably because it's highly stressed out being taken away from home. Your SIL sounds like a bellend. I don't understand why people don't just get cat sitters in - it's easy to organise!!

The fact she thinks having a cat is the same as having a baby is enough for me to fake a stomach bug on Christmas Eve and stay at home

If it was me, I'd be saying something like:

"Sorry, DH. I hear that you want to keep everyone happy, and I was willing to try this to keep the peace. But last time we did this, our kids got injured. So that's not a situation I can take them into again. This is no longer the option that "keeps everyone happy", is it?

"You can go and stay with your parents for Christmas if that's non-negotiable for you. But it's non-negotiable for me that my children are safe and happy. So we will stay at home. Maybe your parents could come round for Boxing Day or New Years and see the kids' new toys? We'd love to have them. (But the cat is not welcome. Obviously.)"

I wouldn't take my children into that situation tbh. There's been many posts about pets that are aggressive to children, the vast majority being dogs but the situation is the same - if the narky pet is there, my kids wouldn't be.

It's unfortunate for SIL that she's over emotional over her pet, but the behaviour just isn't acceptable in company and that's the end of it. Either she leaves her cat at home - where it will be MUCH happier - or she forces it to suffer the stress of being in a strange place without even giving it the peace of a quiet room with a litter tray and no little kids running around.

This scenario is just cruel all round - to the poor cat and the poor kids. I'd definitely stay at home.

get the children to wear jeans rather than having bare legs.

I am not as OTT with my well behaved cat (who'd be more likely to hide under the sofa or take herself of to another room), but I am offended by people knowing she's a she, but referring to her as "it" I think may pet owners would be.

Is it a Bengal by any chance? They're insane fuckers.

SIL sounds like a total pandered-to child.

I and my DM (separate houses) always keep our DCats in another room with food, water and litter tray if visitors come over for dinner or a party and the DCats can come in to see the visitors if they want to or not. They’re not scratchers or biters though but it’s just to be kind to them and the visitors.

SIL here should be putting her cat into another room whilst you visit.

Honestly refuse to go if the cat goes. If your DH gets pissy ask why he’s putting your happiness and safety at risk. I feel your pain. My mum used to have a mental cat who would sit on my head as I slept (mum had an old house where doors didn’t close properly so it always got in). I had to scream for help when I woke because if I moved it would scratch my face. I had scratches down my face for 3 weeks once because in a sleep fug, I didn’t realise it was on my head and I tried to change position and it went to town on my face. I’m lucky I didn’t lose an eye. I had to tell my mum that I wouldn’t visit again unless she put the cat in a cattery during my visit (thankfully she did). This was before kids, no way would I even entertain the idea now!

Get the cat some treats and toys to play with in another room while you’re eating? Maybe one of the rolling balls that dispenses treats. Wrap it up for the cat as a present so SIL feels it’s a treat not a punishment / distraction?

Get the cat high on catnip

Its pretty simple here, I love cats, adore my boy cat, but there have to be boundaries in place for both cats and kids.

A cat can cause a serious infection via a scratch and, worse case, necrosis.

Google some pics of that and show your husband.

That will be SILs problem when she gets home with the cat RaHaHaHa!

She's complaining about everyone not wanting to include her... reinforce that by not taking yourself and the children to a house that is happy to allow them to be scratched up for no good reason.
Your husband is a pathetic piece of wet lettuce subjecting his children to this nonsense.
Keep them away from her and if she enquiries tell her exactly why and hang up as soon as she starts becoming emotionally manipulate.

Cat probably hates being carted about which doesn't help, the cat isn't the problem your SIL is and then the inlaws and husband!

Your SIL might think the cat is 'her world' and love it to bits, but by bringing the cat to a stressful environment like this, she is demonstrating that she know fuck all about animal welfare and a complete disregard of what would actually be best for the cat in question.

Exactly, the cat is clearly showing stress and fear by behaving the way it is behaving and for SIL to enforce that environment and the extra adults and children onto the cat is cruel and shows a lack of care for the cat rather than her purported love.

As to how you word it/what you do, sorry if this is harsh, but you have to stand up and protect your children from harm - cat scratches can easily become infected and if the cat starts to bite which it may well do then that is incredibly serious and will require medical intervention. Why should your children be stressed, uncomfortable unable to relax over Christmas? Is that fair on them? Will they thank you for it in years to come when they think back on their Christmases from childhood?

You need to say that you and your children will not be attending unless the cat is either not there or confined to one room. Your husband can go on his own if he wants and is too cowardly.

Yes there will be fall-out but your children should be your priority and you act in their interests.

Maybe allow your kids to bite their aunt? Or steal food from her plate? Or roam around under the table?

’They’re just as much
my babies as your cat, and I really can’t allow them to be restrained or punished or stunted in any way. It’s just their nature, and I encourage them to be themselves’

just kidding, but I feel your pain

SIL got offended saying that the cat is her family, her everything, would we ever send our child to boarding school even when they're older (not that they are awful places but we would not personally choose to for our own child and she knows this!)

People who compare their pets to actual human children do them no favours - SIL is ignoring the fact that her cat is stressed in this environment but she's too preoccupied with "how could I leave my cat alone for Christmas" to care about its actual wellbeing.

The comparison isn't boarding school. It's whether you'd continue to take your child somewhere that made them so stressed they repeatedly lashed out. Although obviously actually there is no comparison at all, because it's a cat.

Share an article re dangers of cat scratches and say you are concerned given that last year your children were scratched and ask what is being done to ensure this won't happen this year?

Worst comes to worst, ensure children are wearing robust boots style slippers and jeans at dinner time to minimise the possibility of leg scratches