To expect my SIL to keep her aggressive cat away during Xmas?

I've had cats all my life and understand that this one's stressed to hell and lashing out - which shouldn't be made your problem and it's a shame she's putting her own needs before the cat's

Mainly, though, I've little time for those who turn on the waterworks if they don't get their way, less for those who enable them and none at all for spineless men who'd rather see their kids injured than open their mouths

So I'm afraid I wouldn't be going, and would explain quite simply that this is because your children won't be safe

Cats aren’t known for travelling and adapting to new environments well, though I’m sure there are some which do. It sounds as though this cat is very stressed and is behaving as if all things unfamiliar to it are threats, to an animal unfamiliar things often are threats.

Your sil can love the cat as much as she likes, but she doesn’t seem very aware of what its behaviour is telling her. She can love it like a child, but it is unfair to the cat to not treat it like the animal it is.

Why is everyone tiptoeing around SIL?

I get the 'my cats are my babies' thing as a cat lover myself, but I'm fortunate that my 2 are the most chilled out cats ever - if they weren't and they were behaving like your SIL's cat then I'd be a responsible pet owner & separate them from the room.
But then, as a responsible cat owner, I know that cats are extremely territorial, would hate being moved to a new territory (PIL's house) and would be highly stressed and therefore their behaviour would be highly unpredictable- I just couldn't do that to my cats. I wouldn't put them in that predicament in the first place by putting them in a different house.

Your SIL needs a good talking to, as do your PIL and your DH too - putting your DC's safety below that of your SIL's feelings!

Christ, some of you are as bad as the nutty SIL anthropomorphising this cat, assigning it human emotions and intentions to its animal behaviour. Assaulting the children! 🤣 Give over

Cats are hugely territorial, by taking it with her everywhere your SIL is causing it untold stress, no wonder it lashes out! I feel sorry for you and your family but also the poor bloody cat! She needs to be told, kindly or unkindly to be quite honest, that she is being a bad pet owner and is not looking out for her pets needs whatsoever. She needs to find a good pet sitter (Cat In A Flat is a good place to look) and leave Tiddles to enjoy a restful Christmas at home.

Those people suggesting threatening to harm the cat or let it out are awful people.

Oh yes, I absolutely agree that SIL is the problem but maybe it will make her listen.

@sandyhappypeople How festive!

Totally agree with this approach! And if he says no, tell him he can go on his own.

I agree.
He's bought into the PILs stance... we must not upset SIL.
I think she enjoys the drama and the control

Children need to learn lots of lessons in life including family dynamics. My advice was intended for if they all went and the cat was there

I'd tell her in no uncertain terms that if that cat hurts your kids you are going to grab it and kick it out the fucking window..

I wouldn't actually do it, but if anything happened I would do a bit dramatic 'that's it' where is it?!!! and start chasing it round.. she will 100% intervene and remove the cat to stop you hurting it.

At which point you can say, 'I did tell you if you let that cat hurt my kids I would go after it' so get it out now!

I'm sorry I would never tolerate any animal hurting my kids 100% unprovoked and would force the SIL into doing the thing she should be doing in the first place, stupid cow.

Sadly OP, your husband and his side of the family, are for whatever reason, unwilling or unable to protect your children. The reason they can't or won't is irrelevant.

As such, it falls to you to make sure your young children aren't injured by an aggressive animal. Either strict measures are put in place, to stop the cat scratching or biting (basically it is absent from the house, or is locked away somewhere), or you don't go. The main role of a parent is to protect their children.

Will echo others though - it's a pretty poor show from your husband.

The cat’s behaviour suggests it’s stressed. It’s an animal and doesn’t consciously set out to hurt, so hurting it in response is ridiculous and will just make the situation worse. To be honest, I don’t think the cat is the problem. I think that’s down to SiL.

I would speak to your sil and ask that the cat is shut away ina room with toys and food whilst you eat. If she refuses then you say to her would you want your cat attached by a dog? Because that’s what you cat is doing to my children

t bhh one scratch on the kids and I would be packing the kids up and coming home, making it very clear why and leave dh to sort out the matter on his own

My DCat sounds quite similar to your SIL’s cat, but the difference is that we’re sane people.

I know a lot have mentioned feliway/kickers/calming treats/catnip sticks. Unfortunately, not one of these things has ever had an effect on DCat’s behaviour.

You've posted before about your SIL and her cat.
In the past, you've never mentioned that the cat is aggressive.
You usually just mock your childless SIL for loving her cat.
Why are you always so horrible about her?

I agree.

The choice is

1. everyone works hard to ensure SIL is not upset and gets her own way and accept that the cat will attack people, again, esp your DC or
2. You express your feelings very clearly to PILs SIL and DC and say that they may not want to upset SIL, but they have upset YOU because your DC were hurt by the cat and none of them seem to care as long as SIL doesn't get upset.

There are solutions to this which SIL could try to accept, people have suggested ways of calming the cat or keeping it in another room away from the DC since it is clearly stressed by the change of scene and by the family noise and its not fair on either the cat or your DC. Im sure there are more suggestions on this thread.

and repeat. I know this will be really hard but at this stage you are already in the guilty doc, so you may as well get sent down for a major felony, if you'd be sent down anyway for a minor offence.

I don't think your DH is being realistic saying keep a close eye for several days visit.. he didn't keep a close enough eye last time did he?

He won’t though will he ?

I adore cats, they are my absolute favourite animals and I used to have very territorial cat at some point of my life. This is not a joke and cat can be very dangerous animal for a small child.
I don’t think there is a way of pussyfooting ( sorry) around the issue. You have to put your foot down and only go there if a cat would be kept in a separate room.

Tbh I would tell SIL that I would hurt her cat if one of my kids would be hurt. I would mean and I would do it. It might work.

I would put dh in the position of deciding which woman he'd rather avoid conflict with - his sister or his wife.

Your SIL needs encouraged to engage with a good therapist. The family are trying to placate her and are almost steering her towards mental illness to be honest. This has gone too far.

You have a DH problem.

Let him go on his own.

Well this fine mess makes a nice change from the families, PILs and MILs from hell and the cousin who always gets drunk and starts a fight.

Are you sure your child was swinging its legs under the table entirely innocently and not actually kicking out at the cat?

That aside the cat is clearly incredibly stressed and would be better on their home turf being looked after by an experienced pet sitter.

I can understand your sister wanting her little furry ally with her but it's not really fair.

Few but the most outgoing and confident felines do well being transplanted from one environment to another, in my experience. Especially one with lots of noise, child centred activities, disruption and chaos.

Maybe tell your children that if the cat scratches or bites them, they should feel free to do the same to their aunty 😂.

Exactly. Even if you accept that the cat is her baby, that's no excuse. I assume she'd go spare if your children hurt her cat and you refused to even pretend to care.