To expect my SIL to keep her aggressive cat away during Xmas?

To the family group chat :

”Hi PIL & SIL, we’re really struggling this year, and just want to have Christmas at home with just the kids and us. You’re welcome to pop round for drinks / Christmas dinner / pudding / buffet tea, of course! If you need a lift, DH is on taxi duty punishment for refusing to be honest with his SIL so please let us know. House is not suitable for cats, but I’m sure she’ll welcome some time to herself if you do visit. “

Have you posted about this before?

The catnip etc advice is good although I prefer the water pistol option 😉
Seriously, I'd not be going. Cats do not take precedence over children!
BTW, is there a reason you go to the PIL's every year and not to yours?

This is much more simple than you are making it out. You approach the hosts. You are not comfortable in the house if they have a free roaming cat there.

so it’s their choice. You and the children are happy to have a Christmas at home and visit another time of they decide they want the cat to have free roaming.

your husband then has a decision to make.

If it were me, I wouldn't be going there and neither would my children. It's not fair that you should be anxious and worrying about the cat attacking someone when you should be able to relax and enjoy your Christmas. I'd tell DH he can go if he wants to but that means he's prioritising his sister's feelings over his wife and children.

Could you dress up separating the cat from DC for the cat's sake? As others have mentioned the cat sounds stressed and would probably be happier with less exposure to a strange place and people. She should be confined to a smaller area (ideally one room), at least at mealtimes. Emphasise that you can't guarantee your DC won't pester the cat if she's roaming freely.

This is a revolting response. The cat doesn’t live there and essentially would be lost permanently. You aren’t a cat lover and such s a deliberate attempt to make the cat a stray and the SIL bereft is just horrible.

OP if it is as bad as you say then you should just stay home. Are your PIL on side for getting the cat put in the laundry or a cat carrier during meals?

our cat comes with us to my mums. he treats it like his second home, and is best friends with her dog. but if he's a nuisance during meals (sometimes is, usually isn't) then he gets shut in the spare bedroom until we're done eating.
it works really well for us, because when we go away for a few days, he stays with them, rather than just being checked on once a day (especially as he has four meals a day, and is VERY people orientated) he absolutely adores my stepdad after the time we went away for a weekend with my mum, and he gave him leftover roast duck.

this cat sounds like a nuisance. if they have a spare room the sister is staying in, the best thing to do would be to set it up as a nice, calming space for the cat, with some boxes to hide in, a tray, feeding station etc. and only bring the cat out in a harness, when they can be kept under control. our boy always used to visit in his harness until he and the dog were obviously safe and respectful of each other, and that he wouldn't cause absolute chaos. he used to just sit between us on the sofa. now he struts around like he owns the place. but he's a very well behaved cat, unless the kitchen door is open, then he goes in looking for food to steal. he once stole some baking beans, which had been washed and were drying on the side.

As a child I was attacked by cats twice although tbf the second time I may have accidentally provoked it. I was standing on my friends doorstep and it was walking through between my legs. I hadn’t noticed it so I moved and my legs may have brushed the cat or it just may have felt trapped. It started hissing and scratching and it was pretty terrifying but I kind of understand why it happened.

But the first time was literally 10 year old me walking away from my friends driveway as he wasn’t in when I called round for him, and the cat pursued me and scratched my leg. Thankfully it wasn’t a deep cut.

I froze in both instances and probably would again as I don’t fancy my chances against a cats claws, but I agree it’s perfectly acceptable if someone else (braver than me!) goes into fight mode to defend themselves.

And just to add to my pp, if she knows that little about cats that she thinks it’s ok to just randomly put it in a new environment and expect it to behave normally, no wonder the cat behaves the way it does. She needs to educate herself on how to take care of a cat!

I wouldn't be buying the cat a Christmas present. If the SIL thinks the cat needs a hooded bed, that's for her to decide. Buying the aggressive cat a present just feeds into the idea that the cat is the priority over the children in my view.

Honestly. Don't go.

Say unless the cat is kept away from the children, then you won't go. And stay at home

I have never known anyone to visit another house and take their cat with them. I would refuse to go as cat bites or scratches are worse than a dog bite for infection. It doesn't take much to get a very bad infection as they carry so many germs underneath their claws and on their teeth. I wouldn't be able to relax with a cat like that around me and my family. For a cat to behave like this there is obviously something very wrong with it. If your SIL is prepared to overlook her cats behaviour and tolerate it then that's up to her but she can't expect everyone else to put up with it.

If your kids get scratched they could contract Cat Scratch Fever

Good enough excuse to give her?

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/23537-cat-scratch-fever

It’s actually far from ideal for the cat as well, your sil should know that. Cats are very territorial. It takes them a long time to mark out and guests their home, pick their safe places etc so just bringing it along to a completely different wbieonment will stress the living daylights out of it. They’re not dogs. It it’s been difficult in its home environment it’ll be even worse when it’s just plopped randomly into an u familiar place with strangers. She actually is being incredibly inconsiderate towards her cat.

Husband problem…. Tell him to have a lovely Xmas with his family and Bloodfang the cat. You and the kids are staying home where it’s safe.

Sounds like it needs putting down if it's that aggressive

SIL sounds like she needs therapy. Cats hate leaving their own homes, so hers will no doubt be thoroughly miserable and scared.

I wouldn’t want my children scratched and I don’t think I could stomach all the enabling, even at Christmas. Can you duck out of the visit?

I would be mortified if my cat scratched someone. I cannot understand why she is not horrified.

So you wouldn’t warn you children about the aggressive cat. My comment assumed the family went and the cat was there

That poor cat. I would be saying to SIL that if she truly loves her cat as much as she claims to then she wouldn’t be putting the cat in a high stress environment. My sisters cat was like this because she was highly stressed. The cat also a female like SILs was eventually rehomed with my parents as she was lashing out at the children and whining during the night, keeping everyone up because she was lonely as she was largely ignored during the day. She became a different animal almost overnight as she was in a far more relaxed environment where doors were left open so she could have company if she chose but could also find quiet places to go if she wished.

I would try buying the cat a hooded bed for Christmas so she can hide if she wants to and maybe a catnip or silver vine toy the cat can take her frustration out on as clearly nobody in the family can listen to reason. I would also be telling the family that if you or the children get hurt this year then you will not be spending another Christmas with them while the cat is in the house.

What are those clacker things that people spin around during football matches, the very loud obnoxious things?

I think your toddlers might be getting one each from Santa this year 😁😁

The cat? Sorry I say this in jest. I know it's SIL 🤭

That is everything to do with the cat being a priority.

They wouldn’t be seeing me for Christmas that’s all I can say