To expect my SIL to keep her aggressive cat away during Xmas?

Poor cat is probably stressed out
I love cats and I have no kids but your SIL is unhinged , the cat should not be allowed to Christmas

Indeed. Again I think some people who are going on about “keeping the kids from the cats” aren’t understanding a significant part of the issue is the fact the SIL is refusing to facilitate this.

The cat is her world, and last year, when I gently suggested she keep the cat in a separate room during meals, she was really upset. She insists the cat needs to be “free to roam.”

The SIL is insisting the cat be allowed to roam free. How do the kids stay away from the cat if it’s coming up to them while they’re trying to eat a meal?

Unless of course they mean the cat should be shut in another room which the kids don’t enter or it shouldn’t come at all, because that’s the only way for the kids to stay away from the cat?

But again the issue is the SIL is refusing this.i It’s not as if the Op hasn’t thought of and suggested this already!

thats her problem - she needs to take control of her life not blame everyone else for her issues

regarding the cat, i would be saying very loudly "how would you like it if my child hurt your cat?"

shes also batshit- i love cats but they are cats, not kids!!!

Well you need to start being dramatic and make it not ok to argue with you so that upsetting SIL is the lesser of two evils. You need to go absolutely ape shit at him about this cat hurting your kids. Either the cat is kept away from your kids or you don't go, or you leave the minute there are problems. Simples.

And as PP have said the cat is behaving like that because it is stressed out being taken away from its familiar environment to a strange house with strange people and a load of noise.

SIL is a twat and hasn't got the first clue how to look after a cat. The cat needs to stay at home. It is not a baby or a dog FFS.

https://www.petplan.co.uk/pet-information/blog/should-i-take-my-cat-on-holiday-pet-sitter/#:~:text=In%20a%20perfect%20world%2C%20cats,the%20specific%20smells%20and%20sounds.

SIL is unhinged, it's a fucking CAT. Comparing it to your kids is just batshit and the rest of the family pussyfooting around this ridiculous woman and her animal is just as nuts as she is.

ODFOD. Your reading comprehension seems to be non-existent.

I've already said the cat needs to be in a room on its own. It will not therefore be a case of keeping the cat away from the children, but of ensuring that the children don't go in looking for the cat.

Keep the cat away from the children you mean, not keep the children from the cat.

Humans first.

Can you get her to clip the cat's claws? That would be the first thing I'd do. Second thing, the cat is clearly stressed by the situation, which is why it's behaving like this. It needs to be in a room on its own quietly. When my own cat is overstimulated by lots of noise and people he doesn't know he will also attack. It's a stress response. For that reason I don't expose him to stressful situations! Third thing, keep your children away from the cat altogether. If it's not used to kids, it won't know how to behave.

@MintyFreshest lets stop bashing single people please! Yes this woman sounds like a horror, but some of the worst people on earth are married.

the ‘no wonder she’s single’ comments are so fucking awful and misogynistic.

I really think it sounds like and incredibly stressful experience for the cat as well (as has been mentioned up thread) to be moved to a different house, and not surprised it is aggressive. Some breeds might put up with that, but doubt many cats would like it.
Suggest trying Cat in a flat website. It suggests cat sitters that visit your house once/twice a day and they are rated, so you can see how good they are. They will send pictures and an update, plus fuss the cat if it wants it. My cats have been looked after this way and the sitters have been amazing with them - even my super shy cat will comes out. And I have always found people on that site for Xmas.

I love cats, but would be really upset to have my toddler trapped in the room with an aggressive one, that is probably very stressed.

God your sister in law sounds hard work. No wonder she's single. Your husband also sounds very wet. Why on earth won't he address this with HIS family? He's clearly scared of them.

I would be fuming that the entire family are worrying about hurting a cats feelings but apparently nobody has an issue with your children being scratched/hurt/upset on what should be a really exciting day for them.

I would just say that if the cat is the number one priority then ok. But you refuse to have your Christmas ruined because either your children will likely be scratched and you will have to spend the whole time on high alert.

It's Christmas FFS and there are kids, shouldn't they be the priority rather than everyone bending to the will of a grown woman who is acting like a toddler herself?

Stand up to your husband and say ‘no’, you won’t risk your children getting hurt by that effing cat

Absolutely 💯 one of my parents put their in-laws and even friends etc ahead of their immediate family to “keep the peace” (didn’t mind disturbing the peace at home and putting us in danger though) so it’s always something I was wary of in a partner and if I seen signs of it while dating it was a dealbreaker.

I say this as somebody who loves my own pets very much.

Why is everyone enabling this batshit crazy behaviour.
Why are you not advocating for your own children? If cat is there, tell your DH that you and the DC stay at home.
If my own DH did this to avoid conflict with his family, then I would sure as hell be kicking up a fuss and causing conflict at home to defend the children.

I love cats but she sounds deranged!

SIL because she gets VERY upset about the lack of a man

The grass is always greener. Having sampled both being single and an 'avoids conflict' husband, id take the former any day.

After reading all your posts, I feel so sorry for SIL. She sounds so lonely.

Your husband is a complete wet lettuce. The cat is not the problem, it's a symptom. He would literally rather that his kids get scratched to shit on Christmas day than have a reasonable adult conversation that may involve an amount of conflict. Insanity. How does he manage to navigate work and life in general?

Anyway. In your shoes I'd just not be going. If he isn't going to resolve the cat problem and make it safe and enjoyable for you and the kids then just put your foot down and say no. You can do that if you choose, but like your husband you need to be prepared to deal with conflict to achieve a suitable resolution.

At least one of you needs to put their grown up pants on.

No one is doing your SIL any favours with this charade. Its literally pandering to very negative and anxious inducing behaviour patterns that will ultimately make her more miserable and less adjusted to the world.

I wouldn't be allowing my kids to witness such behaviour by their aunt or be attacked by a cat just to keep family peace. Those are not normal things and you need to ensure you step in if your DH is too weak to do so.

Honestly families can be completely batshit at Christmas.

I adore cats, have always had them - but taking one to someone's house is what is making the cat so aggressive. It is clearly terrified.

Why the hell can't your SIL leave the cat in its own home and ask someone to go in and feed it? Yes, a paid cat-sitter might well be expensive, but it seems the most logical thing to do, which would be best for the cat AND the whole family.

Buy her a cat cage & a vibrator for Xmas.

Anybody who knows anything about cats knows that a. They hate travelling and b. It takes them at least a couple of CALM weeks to settle into a new home.
So this poor cat is horribly stressed. I'm not surprised it lashes out. Tell your SIL you've figured out why the cat is aggressive and that it will be far happier at home alone.
I can't believe any cat owner can be so irresponsible or cruel as to take a cat away for a few nights to a house full of strangers.

The cat stays in a separate room while you’re eating. SIL can have cuddles afterwards or go eat her dinner with it. If she can’t be separated for longer than an hour then maybe get her some therapy for Xmas. In any case take feliway and cheese dreamies. Even BloodFang will fall for the latter.

Oh and to anyone saying “boot the cat”/“slap the cat” or otherwise release the cat outside somewhere that isn’t its home - what the fuck is wrong with you?

“Dear SIL, last year our dc were really quite upset about being scratched at the dinner table by Cat, and as you know cats’ claws are not clean so any scratch wound is potentially a source of infection. This year I really don’t want anyone getting injured. What will you be able to do to prevent Cat scratching people from under the table? Would it help to have a little cave space for her [link to cat stress/ stress relief] that she can retreat to while we’re socialising and eating?”

if she’s unhelpful in response,
”I’m really sorry, but while I understand you putting Cat above DC, as DCs’ mum I can’t do that. So we will have to avoid Cat by staying at home/ eating in a different room/ whatever might be feasible. Hopefully we’ll all still be able to have a nice day with no injuries.” (Maybe not the last bit 😬)

You have two choices

Get some pet corrector and everytime she tries to attack, spray it. Don’t spray it AT the cat. It’s a sharp SHHH noise meant to deter the behaviour. It’s not an actual spray. It usually scares them off

or you go for the opposite way of taking toys, cat nip and dreamies.

Make lots of fuss, really calm her down and give her treats when she’s nice and calm. Ignore when she’s not