To expect my SIL to keep her aggressive cat away during Xmas?

It's sounds like it's the SIL who needs the smack, it's not the cat's fault. Not that I'm advocating violence :sigh::, I'm just saying.

Who cares?!

in-law’s (PILs) house for two nights, which is non-negotiable with my husband

Of course it is negotiable. And if he finds conflict so difficult it should be an easy negotiation. "Our children are not staying in a house with that cat"

I would look for a hotel nearby and go for dinner as a compromise but no way would we be staying 2 nights.

It's ironic that nobody here is 'putting the cat first'. SIL is firmly putting herself first, way before her poor cat.

I can't imagine transporting our cats to someone else's house and then having them surrounded by people they barely know - they'd be utterly stressed out!

If I had to do this, I'd shut them in the bedroom with a Feliway diffuser, catnip toys, a splendid dinner and a litter tray. I'd also have the cat carrier in there so they could take refuge - but really, I can't imagine them being happy at all.

Can't you just shut you all in the room to eat without the cat

People who treat animals like humans, especially people who treat them like human babies, are cruel.

The cat would be so much happier at home with someone coming in to feed it.

Your SIL shouldn't have a pet at all if she can't remember that different species have different needs.

I agree with PPs that you should come at this from a cat welfare approach. A happy confident cat wouldn't behave like that. Maybe it naturally has an aggressive and nervous nature but the way she's treating it is clearly exacerbating the problem and I wouldn't be surprised if she's made the poor creature neurotic.

A Million percent this!!!

Be the only responsible adult in this group and do not subject your children to this madness. They will survive a year without having to travel to the in-laws for Christmas.

Yeah I hate those comments. I’ve always found it insulting and quite frankly inaccurate because as you say many awful people are partnered (and many decent people are single).

But yet no one would say “no wonder they’re married” if someone is displaying bad behaviour.

Even ifs directed at one specific person it perpetuates the idea that if someone is single there’s something wrong with them.

Im not bashing ALL single people or insinuating that they're ALL insufferable. My comment was directly related to the SIL!

@juiceboxjuggle - you wrote "DH won't deal with it because his sister was literally in tears last year and his approach is that it's only 3 days / 2 nights, we should keep a close eye on our children, it'll be exhausting but at least peaceful (he avoids conflict like the plague)."

He appeases his sister because it's easier to deal with any fall out you may have about the situation than any fall out she may have.

I'd be very clear now - 1st December - and I'd say to him "I'm not subjecting DKids to the possibility of being scratched again by your sister's cat. You tell her today that if we're expected, the cat is kept away from the kids. The first time I see the cat, I'm packing the car and heading home with the kids. It's that's simple. You can sort this right now, or have it all blow up at Christmas instead. What do you want to do?"

It's not acceptable that your kids run the risk of getting a nasty scratch or bite from a cat, which could make them afraid of pets as they grow up which is very unfair of their father to subject them to.

I love cats and have two of my own. They are beautiful animals and definitely at their best in their own space. I'm appalled that anyone would put a territory-driven animal in an alien environment, surround her with loads of people (including loud, unpredictable toddlers) and not care about the consequences for her or those around her.

I'm also appalled that anyone can be insouciant about cat scratches, especially where children are involved. Cat-scratch fever is a thing; I was hospitalised with it when I was four or five. (It didn't put me off cats though.) But even if there is no infection, a swipe to the face could catch an eye, causing long-term problems. That's not something you can be casual about and I'd suggest accosting wet-lettuce DH with the possibility. If he remains unwilling to ask his Dsis to leave Fluffy at home, tell him that you and your DC will be staying at home instead. He can't please you and someone who'd put his children at risk.

Refuse to go.
One of your childrens parents need to stand up for them.

Sure, she's lonely. But that doesn't mean my kids should be scratched

Absolutely, so after reading pages and pages showing the overwhelming majority agree with this stance - have you now decided to stand up to your husband and in-laws and voice that sentiment?

And the answer to that should have been "I would miss them but I would cope with it as I am an adult and understand that the needs of my children come before my feelings". Similarly, if she really loves her "baby" she needs to do what's best for the cat. And what's best for the cat is staying home.

Well I would also be asking DH that.

Either the cat isn’t there, or you and your DC won’t be. DH gets to choose between the cat and ILS or his own wife and child. If you really think that decision would be a big deal, you have far bigger problems than an aggressive feline.

This made me laugh 😃. Not a bad idea though.

How could she be lonely? She has her cat that fulfils her every need everywhere, anytime.

Or to look at it another way, it's no wonder she's lonely if her priority at all times is her cat at the expense of others' safety from the claws, the claws.

I hope she's ok.

Time to say no more OP. No More.

Exactly this.

She is absolutely out of her mind. She needs help. Her hopelessly spoiled animal is out of control and attacking people and she thinks it has more right to wander about slicing children’s ankles up than the children have a right not to be attacked by a marauding cat. Ridiculous. She is also being hugely cruel to her cat by dragging it around and pretending it is a child. The poor thing. I really feel for you, I think you should not take the kids if they are second to a cat and likely to be hurt.

Okay, problem solved - send the kids in one of these: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Smiffys-Childrens-Armoured-Jumpsuit-Headpiece/dp/B01CW38LVM/ref=asc_df_B01CW38LVM?mcid=fdef2e38813b3476ae5bc9dacfc73f08&th=1&psc=1&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=697356434051&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=693135453925022283&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9193352&hvtargid=pla-407055457806&psc=1&gad_source=1

SIL will probably have hysterics, but it'll all be a bit more drama for her to enjoy