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AIBU?

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To expect my SIL to keep her aggressive cat away during Xmas?

483 replies

juiceboxjuggle · 01/12/2024 17:29

My sister-in-law (SIL), has a cat that’s… let’s just say, difficult. The cat is quite aggressive—she’s bitten me before while I was just sitting on the sofa, scratched my husband simply for sitting too close to her toy, and even leapt at people with claws out from the back of a sofa or armchair. She also has this habit of scratching legs under the table while people are eating. It’s not exactly a relaxing presence.

This Christmas, we’re staying at my parents-in-law’s (PILs) house for two nights, which is non-negotiable with my husband. SIL will also be staying, and, as always, she’ll be bringing her cat. The cat is her world, and last year, when I gently suggested she keep the cat in a separate room during meals, she was really upset. She insists the cat needs to be “free to roam.”

As a result, last Christmas was stressful. Despite my best efforts to keep an eye on my two toddlers, one of them ended up with a big scratch from the cat while swinging their legs under the table—just normal kid behavior. To make matters worse, my husband has also been scratched in the past, simply because the cat was annoyed he wasn’t feeding her.

I’m dreading a repeat of last year and honestly don’t know how to handle this situation. How do I keep my kids safe without upsetting SIL again? I’d love to be able to enjoy a meal without constantly chasing the cat away or worrying about potential injuries. Any advice on how to navigate this?

OP posts:
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jakesmommy · 25/03/2025 07:52

Water pistol

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 25/03/2025 07:46

@juiceboxjuggle

How did the visit go ?
Did dh come with you to your family for Christmas ?

I know this thread was before Christmas, and I know it's been bumped up in the last couple of days by posters not realising Christmas has been and gone...

RamsestheDamned · 24/03/2025 23:42

Zombie thread. Maybe someone was searching similar and came across this.

CheekyPombear · 24/03/2025 23:36

If someone would have told me to keep me lovely late tuxedo cat outside when they came round I would have told them to piss off.

bellocchild · 24/03/2025 16:21

You could try hissing menacingly -sssssss! - at the cat if it comes near you or the children. It used to work for discouraging our cats fom scratching the furniture or trying to steal food.

MonGrainDeSel · 24/03/2025 15:18

Christmas has been and gone. This is an old thread.

SinkToTheBottomWithYou · 24/03/2025 09:33

I would send them articles about the danger of cat scratches/bites on children. And ask MIL why she places her GC’s safety and health below her daughter’s feelings?

LadyLaetita · 24/03/2025 09:19

Tell your husband he has a choice - if he insists on visiting and staying with his parents then his choice is to tell his parents the cat stays in SIL's room or you and the children will stay home for the holidays. Whatever SIL may feel I daresay the grandparents will pick their grandkids over the cat

LadyLaetita · 24/03/2025 09:17

DreamyB · 01/12/2024 17:31

As an animal lover, some people are fucking insane. Make your DP take the hardline and say the cat MUST be kept away from your children. They can’t be harmed! x

Totally disgusting suggestion. Animal abuse is not even remotely a joking matter

2Magpies24 · 02/02/2025 18:42

What happened in the end @juiceboxjuggle ?? Did you go away for Christmas or did catwoman come to her senses?

Thursdaygirl · 16/12/2024 18:59

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 01/12/2024 18:35

I would put dh in the position of deciding which woman he'd rather avoid conflict with - his sister or his wife.

Sadly my DH would choose to keep his sister happy

Everlygreen · 16/12/2024 18:17

Well done for sticking up for your kids. Your SIL is pathetic. Well and truly pathetic. A cat isn't comparable to a human child. She is unhinged.
So you all need to pay the price of walking on eggshells around her just because she doesn't have a man or child? To hell with that. Good on you for stopping this pandering to her. Your dh is also pathetic for letting it come to this. Your SIL has lost a grip of reality and you and your kids shouldn't be a part of her circus. What a batshit unhinged woman.

Manara · 16/12/2024 17:45

juiceboxjuggle · 03/12/2024 20:42

The funny thing is, this came out of one of their cousins' mouth a few years ago with whom I am good friends... 'it's time for SIL biologically to be bossing a man around, but as there is no man she tries to control the parents and brother"
Referring to the fact that women nag their husbands and play with their moods to get their way (why are you being quiet? Oh it's nothing) but here she does the same to the parents

Referring to the fact that women nag their husbands and play with their moods to get their way (why are you being quiet? Oh it's nothing)

The 'nagging' woman is a tired old trope. If men did their fair share then women wouldn't have to 'nag' aka express their needs.

Anyway, please do update us if DH is coming with you or not.

You say he's 'driven by rationality' but a man who tells his wife 'I'll never forget this' when she puts in place boundaries after repeated warnings does not sound wholly rational.

Christmaschildcare · 10/12/2024 21:43

Is your dh coming with you and kids? Hope so! @juiceboxjuggle

Cantalever · 06/12/2024 18:26

JesusWasaLady · 01/12/2024 19:13

If your kids get scratched they could contract Cat Scratch Fever

Good enough excuse to give her?

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/23537-cat-scratch-fever

I know of someone who had this - an adult tour guide who was scratched while working abroad - was in hospital for weeks, as it can be very serious.

MeridianB · 06/12/2024 18:17

If your SIL was contented with her life and her cat that would be one thing. But all these tears and 'she's so fragile...had hard year as she is single' etc is nuts.

ILs and DH tip-toeing around SIL's dysfunctional behaviour will do her no favours at all. If they loved her they would gently encourage her to broaden her life.

Well done to you for not buying into all the nonsense. When it comes down to it I doubt for a moment your DH will want to be with the three of them. It sounds like constant hard work. I bet he's stunned you're standing your ground.

EmpressaurusKitty · 05/12/2024 17:55

I ended up in A&E with blood pouring from several deep scratches on the back of my head, after not knowing how to handle a very nervous cat.

It was completely my fault, & I was lucky that none of them got infected. But it’s absolutely not worth the risk around kids.

KnottyKnitting · 05/12/2024 17:34

I have followed this from the start. Your in laws sound batshit like very hard work!

As I said in my previous post, cat scratches can be very nasty. Ditto cat bites. I know a veterinary nurse who ended up in A and E needing very strong antibiotics for a horribly infected cat bite. Her finger swelled up like a balloon and her blood test showed insanely high levels of infection.

Have a lovely visit with your family!

Shoxfordian · 05/12/2024 06:07

Hope your dh has chosen the right side and is going with you for christmas

bluebeck · 05/12/2024 05:58

crockofshite · 05/12/2024 05:35

I think the catnip toys are a good idea to keep the cat occupied. They go into a sort of trance with catnip.

have a couple in your bag and throw them into the corner to keep it out the way.

OP isn’t going. She’s booked to visit her family in Forrin with the DC.

EmpressaurusKitty · 05/12/2024 05:41

crockofshite · 05/12/2024 05:35

I think the catnip toys are a good idea to keep the cat occupied. They go into a sort of trance with catnip.

have a couple in your bag and throw them into the corner to keep it out the way.

Not all of them. It isn’t worth the risk.

crockofshite · 05/12/2024 05:35

I think the catnip toys are a good idea to keep the cat occupied. They go into a sort of trance with catnip.

have a couple in your bag and throw them into the corner to keep it out the way.

WiddlinDiddlin · 05/12/2024 05:02

Poor fucking cat, so many adults here who would harm the cat, who may be an arsehole but is basically a stressed animal being dragged from house to house by a total fucking idiot... and therefore innocent..

Just don't go. Don't make a drama, don't threaten the cat or hurt the cat, just stick to your guns 'the cat is a risk to the kids, we'll stay at home, feel free to visit us (assuming you're cat free!) if you wish'.

If the GP's want to see their GC they'll sort it - if they prioritise SIL and her cat more then probably better off knowing that and dealing with that accordingly.

Yep, I am sure adult human feelings will be hurt but so what, neither kids nor cat will be and thats actually important here.

XWKD · 05/12/2024 04:40

If the cat is locked up and you do go, she'll make your life a misery. I'd stay away.

Toastandbutterand · 05/12/2024 02:55

I have never ever met a cat like this. Ever.

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