Don't know what to make of DH's lack of concern

Look at this from your husband's point of view...you have been complaining you feel ill but are unhappy with reassurance that it could be a virus and are unhappy with suggestion you seek further medical help.

Sounds like he cant really win and you sulking now is only going to make you feel worse.

I know someone with chronic health issues. His wife must be a saint to stick with him. Sorry but you should try and understand from his perspective- we all have limited emotional bandwidth. Also the sense of Doom comment makes me wonder if he us becoming immune to the drama rather than lacking in sympathy.

Haha I just posted the exact same thing! Does your DH also walk sorta hunched over with a deeper voice while wearing a housecoat of doom? His most recent ailment seems to be some sort of ear issue which results in very frequent tilting of the head while he smacks his ear.

This, op sounds like the multiple similar posters on mn whose life centre on 'me, me, me! I am THE most important person ever, everything I do is of extreme note,and the world must centre on me, I have health issues which are the worst ever and I must be priority for THE WORLD!!'

My DH has a long term condition. I try to do helpful things to make it easier for him and I am sympathetic as I wouldn't like it. (He now has all the high drawers in the bedroom so he doesn't need to bend down to get stuff, and I have rearranged the kitchen cupboards so all the stuff he would use during the day is within easy reach).

But I don't engage in a pity-party with him. I know sometimes he wants to vent if he is feeling very rough, but the is nothing I can do, he needs to suck it up or go to Dr.

Sometimes I listen, but sometimes I am just not interested. It's not that I don't care, I do, but I am not in the right headspace to deal with it, because his health impacts on me and my lifestyle and sometimes I don't want to deal with it.

I am sorry you have health conditions, but they impact on your partner too, so please bear that in mind. Do you listen to his worries around it all?

Sometimes you just want empathy and kindness, not a solution. Some people, male and female, don't understand this. So you need to be blunt and say - I don't want you to solve it, I just want you to say - I'm sorry you feel rubbish, would you like me to run you a bath/go to the shops for comforting things/ cuddle up and watch a film/ make you a hot water bottle etc etc whatever makes you feel cared for.

I have a range of pre-existing health conditions, and I often feel unwell.

it’s not that he doesn’t care, but what do you want him to say? It probably is a virus. You have agreed it’s not an A&E job. And now he will listen you are, in a rather petty manner, not talking to him. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's usually referred to as health anxiety these days. It is real and highly distressing. It's a form of OCD.

Same here. Never heard it before but I am definitely suffering from this and my DH is definitely a sympathy seeker (another phrase I haven’t heard before).

It's also often associated with anxiety. I have health anxiety and if I'd actually had sepsis every time I felt a sense of doom I'd have died about 80 times by now.

Is it a case of you complaining about feeling unwell and being worried but not doing anything about it? TBH my husband does this occasional and it really annoys me, complains for days that somethings off or he’s in pain etc but refuses to see GP or take as much as a paracetamol. If he doesn’t take it seriously enough to do anything about it I don’t see why I should? Most of the time he just wants a bit of attention and to put on the housecoat of doom so I ignore.

I'm sure he DOES care OP. Kindly, it can be very draining/boring listening to someone go on about feeling so ill but refusing to do anything about it. DH can be like that. Suggestions of GP/painkillers/sleep are all met with refusal, but he will still be moaning and groaning. I adore the man, and care more than anything about his health, but i don't to listen to a updated symptom list every 30 minutes when I can't do anything to help or he won't listen to practical suggestions.

Isn't that hypochondria ?

Yes I agree it's probably compassion fatigue. Obviously it's not nice being the one unwell a lot, but it's also difficult to live with. Perhaps you've just caught him on a day where he's just not got the bandwidth for it. He doesn't sound like he's been cruel or unpleasant about it, just maybe not as fulsome and supportive as you would like?

Do you have health anxiety OP?

Crikey, you sound very very needy. What do you want the poor guy to do, I can imagine your driving him mad with your whining, just reading this post irritated me !

If you're frequently unwell maybe your husband is exhausted from having the same conversations

I like the phrase "compassion fatigue".

A euphemism for being thoroughly fed up with someone constantly whining about their health but refusing to go to A&E.

This.

Giving him the silent treatment when he's trying to talk to you is childish and counterproductive btw.

He's tried reassuring you that you'll be ok and he's tried suggesting action (go to A&E). What do you actually want him to do? In what way is he not listening to you? Is he walking off when you are telling him how you're feeling?

It may be that he doesn't care, but it may also be that he does care but, if these are chronic conditions, he can't actually do anything to help, so he feels useless and fed up. Maybe he has listened many times before and doesn't have the energy to keep listening to something he can't change? I don't mean that to sound harsh, and sometimes a partner should be there to just listen and comfort. But if the expectation he does this is becoming more frequent, and it's apparent that he can't give the type of support you need, it would be better to seek it elsewhere, like through a group for people with the same/similar illness, friends or a therapist. Giving him the silent treatment is not the best way to move forward, or to get the help you need. If your condition has worsened/doesn't seem to be improving, I would take him up on the suggestion to go to A&E.

Are you actually ill. If so see a doctor. If you won't there isn't much your DH can do.

He wants to talk to you now, but you're trying to make some kind of point so 🤷

He's probably had his fill of attention seeking.