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He's giving me the silent treatment over a joke, who's unreasonable here?

220 replies

Catsforeva · 01/12/2024 16:54

So the thread is about a guy I've been seeing.

I went to an event last night which lasted until the early hours. He and I were texting a bit and he suggested I come over to his afterwards, if you get my drift.

I thought he was pulling my leg as he has his DC on weekends and doesn't stay up late himself.

Anyway.

I made a silly joke this morning about how I did buzz his apartment on the way past but he must have been snoring so loudly he didn't hear it. A playful jibe at his god awful snoring is what it was intended to be.

It's not funny, I know. I was just being daft.

At this point he sends me a picture of his intercom (which was on silent mode) and says "omg, so sorry. The kids must have pressed the buttons" quickly followed by another message which said "I'm so annoyed" IE annoyed that his kids had been fiddling with the intercom and as a result he'd missed out on seeing me.

I immediately responded saying that I was joking and not to tell them off because I hadn't actually come home that way and didn't press his buzzer.

He replies to say he has already told them off.

I feel terrible at this point and apologise, sincerely.

He ignores the message and has been giving me the silent treatment since 8am this morning which is completely uncharacteristic of him as he's a big texter.

He's now sharing quotes which say 'I'm into being a father. That's what I'm focusing on' which is clearly some sort of indirect towards me.

I feel a bit blindsided and confused as to why this has been blown so out of proportion. We are always bantering back and forth. He has been a wind up merchant himself on occasion and I've never reacted like this.

I would really appreciate your perspective. Do you think this is proportionate?

Am I a total dick, is he being one or do we both sound ridiculous?

Thank you. Regular poster/commenter under a name change.

OP posts:
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7
IMustDoMoreExercise · 01/12/2024 17:43

BrightYellowStar · 01/12/2024 16:59

Massive red flag.

I'd ditch him. The early stages of a good relationship are not like this.

I agree with this.

You have had a lucky escape. Please don't stay with someone who gives you the silent treatment.

It will not get better.

FoxtonFoxton · 01/12/2024 17:43

Don't bother waiting for a response to his strop. I'd personally end it with an 'it's not working out' text, block and move on.
I'd never get over the ick from the quotes and the resulting sulking. Luckily, it sounds like you have no ties so easy enough to move on.

Catsforeva · 01/12/2024 17:41

Nanny0gg · 01/12/2024 17:39

Why did he want you over for a booty call if his children were there?

They'd have been long asleep by the time I'd got there but even so, it's very unlike him to suggest I go over late at night.

It wasn't an invitation I took seriously as my event finished in the early hours of the morning and he goes to bed by 10ish.

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Bestfootforward11 · 01/12/2024 17:41

This is such a non event, if he reacts like this to something so small. I dread to think what he’s like when hard stuff happens! I also think he’s putting himself into a victim position and you as the one firmly ‘in the wrong’ which is something I fear would become a pattern. You are already questioning your sense of what is reasonable. Throw this one back I think.

Nanny0gg · 01/12/2024 17:39

Catsforeva · 01/12/2024 17:00

That is exactly what my gut is telling me 😔

I'll own my part though it was childish in hindsight.

Thats the kind of relationship we've had until now, pulling one anothers leg, so it didn't feel that ridiculous iykwim? Lesson learned though.

I would never have said it if I knew he'd end up telling his kids off and I genuinely thought he'd know I'm having him on.

Why did he want you over for a booty call if his children were there?

Catsforeva · 01/12/2024 17:35

Wonderi · 01/12/2024 17:33

I personally would be really annoyed if my bf said he’d tried buzzing but I must not have heard it.

Honestly that would give me red flags.

If you were telling a joke, then why not say you were just joking at the end?

It took for him to check the intercom and say it must have been his kids for you to admit the truth

Does anybody say they are joking at the end of their sentence containing the joke?!

I thought he'd know I was having him on.

As soon as it became apparent he was taking it seriously I did tell him straight away.

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AConcernedCitizen · 01/12/2024 17:35

Catsforeva · 01/12/2024 17:07

This is what he shared.

It feels a bit rich to be sharing that after having a go at them because he thought they'd hindered him getting his leg over 🤦🏼‍♀️

Any adult posting stuff like this on social media is an absolute bed wetter. Get rid.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 01/12/2024 17:35

Urgh, one of those who can't cope with feeling silly. Block and delete! Genuinely it will not be fun having a relationship with someone so delicate.

Wonderi · 01/12/2024 17:33

I personally would be really annoyed if my bf said he’d tried buzzing but I must not have heard it.

Honestly that would give me red flags.

If you were telling a joke, then why not say you were just joking at the end?

It took for him to check the intercom and say it must have been his kids for you to admit the truth

Catsforeva · 01/12/2024 17:33

If he thinks that the silent treatment is going to make me chase him, beg and plead he is mistaken and wasting his time. I'm going to return the favour and treat him exactly how he is treating me, with silence, just without the childish quotes thrown in.

What a silly man he is.

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BunnyLake · 01/12/2024 17:31

Early on in my relationship my (now ex) gave me the silent treatment for two days over some silly joke about his parking. I wish I’d dumped him there and then but I didn’t and I regret it. Don’t tolerate silent treatment from him.

Kool4katz · 01/12/2024 17:24

N’ah. I guarantee he didn’t tell them off. He’s only saying that to punish you because you didn’t do as he commanded. Block and move on.

Wendysfriend · 01/12/2024 17:22

It was a joke, a bit of banter, god the world is just gone so serious now, I bet he turned the buzzer to silent himself and sent the picture, like why even send a picture of that, all a bit weird, the silent treatment is torturous I have no time for that shite as well as no sense of humour.

ATastingMenuButItsAllCrisps · 01/12/2024 17:20

Catsforeva · 01/12/2024 17:19

He has one of them full time and the other at weekends. I was trying to keep it vague 😬

He sounds shit, anyway, never analyse a man, or accept tedious game playing from them.

StormingNorman · 01/12/2024 17:19

Massive overreaction on his part. It makes me wonder what else he overreacts to.

Catsforeva · 01/12/2024 17:19

ATastingMenuButItsAllCrisps · 01/12/2024 17:17

But that 'focus' extends to parenting his kids a pathetic 8 days a month?

He has one of them full time and the other at weekends. I was trying to keep it vague 😬

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ATastingMenuButItsAllCrisps · 01/12/2024 17:17

Catsforeva · 01/12/2024 17:07

This is what he shared.

It feels a bit rich to be sharing that after having a go at them because he thought they'd hindered him getting his leg over 🤦🏼‍♀️

But that 'focus' extends to parenting his kids a pathetic 8 days a month?

meisafairy · 01/12/2024 17:17

If the kids put the intercom on silent and you had gone over, he wouldn’t have heard you ring the intercom so it’s a good thing you didn’t go over. He should be relieved you didn’t waste your time being out in the dark pressing his intercom which would’ve had no response.

Catsforeva · 01/12/2024 17:15

TheCosyRain · 01/12/2024 17:14

Am I the only one thinking perhaps the buzzer hadn’t even been switched to silent and he might not have even had a go at the kids? As some sort of mind game. Or perhaps I’ve been on Mumsnet too long 🤪

I wouldn't put it past him at this stage to be fair.

Or perhaps he put it on silent himself!

OP posts:
TheCosyRain · 01/12/2024 17:14

Am I the only one thinking perhaps the buzzer hadn’t even been switched to silent and he might not have even had a go at the kids? As some sort of mind game. Or perhaps I’ve been on Mumsnet too long 🤪

PrettyPines · 01/12/2024 17:13

It's a bit weird of him to be so angry at his children because he thought he missed out on getting laid.
He's probably feeling guilty about upsetting them and taking it out on you. I wouldn't say it's a good thing that he can't admit to his own failings.
My friend's father is similar and any mistake he makes or negative feeling he experiences must be someone else's fault, I wouldn't say he's the type of person I'd want to be in a relationship with.

FOJN · 01/12/2024 17:13

Telling your kids off because you think they stopped you getting sex is really unattractive, as if the passive aggressive messaging.

If the screenshot you've shared is the last message you received I'd just tell him you'll leave him to it.

He sounds like a pita, ditch him.

Catsforeva · 01/12/2024 17:12

Onlycoffee · 01/12/2024 17:10

I think he feels stupid because he believed your joke, and he's taking our his embarrassment on you. How dare you make him feel embarrassed and uncomfortable at being embarrassed.

And now he has to cover for his silent treatment and pretend he's dad of the year.

Red flags everywhere, bin!

Absolutely agree, I was just thinking exactly the same thing. He feels embarrassed and this is him lashing out about that.

I have an ex who was very similar in the sense that he couldn't stand the idea of anybody laughing about him or making fun of him, even if that's not what was going on, and was always hyper sensitive to perceived criticism or people taking the piss. He was a royal headache and I don't fancy that again.

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Catsforeva · 01/12/2024 17:10

The kids must have put the intercom on silent mode as he was adamant that he hadn't.

No idea if he was annoyed at them for messing about with it in general or because he thought the fact cost him a shag. I suspect the latter.

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toomuchfaff · 01/12/2024 17:10

If he wants to be a child tell him to FOCUS
Fuck Off Coz Ur Stupud...

Remember that from the playground. Still makes me giggle and I'm 50.

Ditch