To be so upset I’m missing my child’s nativity?

Don't be a teacher then <bored>

Hope you can find a way to go @charmonachain
always felt so sorry for teachers who put so much effort into other peoples kids and have to miss out on their own kids school activities - not fair :(

I'm not surprised you're upset. I would be in your position, I am very surprised by some of the replies!
Your little one will absolutely want you to attend and you of course want to watch proudly ! I'm sorry your school is so inflexible- do try and organise your DH to attend in your place- perhaps he could film the whole thing and at least he can cheer your child on and make a fuss of them afterwards. Hopefully you can watch it when you get home? It's a bit crap but better than nothing x

YANBU to be upset. I would be too. But surely it is to be expected in teaching, that you cannot take a day off during the term? Much like those who work in emergency services or retail will be expected to work evenings and weekends. Every job has its good and bad points

Most working parents don't get to spend all Christmas and Summer holidays with their children, never mind their sports days or nativity plays. You think every job should be so flexible to allow them all the same time off as you have all year? Or are these parents not as good because their kids will survive not having emergency service parents home on Christmas eve/day every year.

Stress that only lasts for the half day of the event?

The only fair strategies are for SLT to agree to cover out of goodwill or wellbeing time that gives everyone the chance to access some time off, and both depend on staffing levels.

Really sad you were refused.

Nativity plays are usually in the afternoon at 2ish anyhow and not very long. Horrible they wouldn’t cover you for what would only most likely 2 lessons at most. Could you have asked a colleague who was free to cover for you perhaps and you return the favour another time for them?

Call in sick citing stress and go. You can’t miss it. Teacher here.

There should be strategies in place to allow cover for Teachers with children when school events are occurring.

Can you ask to switch PPA rather than have time off (you may have done this already) and only works for primary. What a rubbish employer.

Same thing happened to a colleague of mine, also a teacher. Her daughter's school had a daytime and an evening showing of the nativity. Unfortunately, the evening one was the same evening as her own class's nativity and she wasn't allowed to miss it. Seemed so unfair. She left in July as found teaching to be so inflexible with young children.

Thing was, the school we worked in sent countless messages to parents encouraging them to see their children in the nativity, stressing how important it was (area of high parental disengagement), and yet didn't let her see her own child's nativity!

Call in sick or say you cant go because of the nativity and face the consequences. You probably won’t get sacked and you only get one first nativity. Ive seen kids in tears when their parents aren’t there.

It's a hard one as an evening nativity will mean staff staying late, tired kids and lots of kids not turning up so you have to reallocate the roles. Not suitable for a preschool anyway as the children will all be in bed by 7.30 usually.

It is really hard to get it right for working patents and schools can't always win. However I am sure OP could be covered in school for an hour. It sounds like it's a rather short sighted and dogmatic policy if it's just a blanket no. It shouldn't just be a race to the bottom and it is important to parents and children. It would be very important to me and thankfully my school would cover it.

You aren't painting yourself in the best light @charmonachain.

I understand your upset. I missed all dd's nativity plays, presentation assembly etc for years. Private sector but had a twat for a boss who would find reasons to decline leave and an inept HR dept.

Not all schools are this bad. I am a governor and our head is amazing at making sure that everyone gets a fair chance to see their own kids plays etc. Obviously there are times when it isn't practical due to illness, statutory test timings, precooked courses etc. But where she can she will always allow teachers to be parents. She often covers classes herself to accommodate this.

Phoning in sick to attend these events is never a good plan. Unfortunately regardless of morality, legally you will always be in the wrong and there will be precious little the unions can do to help you should it go to disciplinary. You did the right thing in asking.

Ultimately you picked a career where term time leave is often not possible. Doesn't make it easier to swallow but it is choice you made.

FFS. She's not ill and at no point has she suggested she is.

@charmonachain
I haven't read all the posts. Too many were unsympathetic.
I get it.
It sucks.
It's sad that I was relieved once mine left primary as I wouldn't need to face the battles anymore.
It's sad that schools want parents to attend these events but can't see the irony in not allowing their own staff to attend.
And the hours going above and beyond for your school kids, but not being able to do the same once in a while for your own.
I had a wonderful deputy for a short while, who knowing the head would refuse, would do a lesson swap with me.
Your kids will more than survive whether or not you are there, but it doesn't mean it's not rubbish.
🤞 next time will be on a non-working day.

Get signed off; you can self certify for the first week.

SLT needs to do better by their teaching and support staff. Schools are already bleeding teachers.

It's time that preschools and primary schools stopped doing this. By all means, put on a nativity play but stop inviting parents in during the working day. We don't live in a world anymore where most families have one parent at home and holiday days are at a premium as it is when there is childcare to consider during school holidays. Perform for the rest of the school or put evening shows on for parents when children are older, but these daytime invitations need to stop.

OP, you can ignore the goady fuckers. Ofc you'd like to go, not least because we ALL know that kids look hopefully to see their parents in the audience and it's simply not fair that some children can have their parents or grandparents there to watch and some can't.

Primary schools seem to still operate under the illusion that there is a readily available parent to create costumes, attend daytime plays and other such days and there just isn't.

I was delighted when my last child left primary and there were no more bloody nativities/shows/displays. Too much attendance is expected of parents. Most work and it’s not just teachers who find it hard to get time off. Where possible I drafted in grandparents or aunts etc. when I had to go, I found it very long and tedious for a brief moment of your child. However if you want to go then it’s a shame you couldn’t but by no means out the ordinary in my experience. I would urge you to keep some perspective about it though otherwise you’ll get upset every year. Unless you stop work completely then there’s no guarantee you would get the time off you want. In my experience there was always an evening show and several weekday performances. Total
overkill and you’d be demented trying to go to them all.

Why doesn't the OP's DC's primary school do the Nativity in the evening? The RC school where my DC attended did just this. Everyone came because it was around 7 pm. I'd suggest this was a good idea.