Page 2 | To be so upset I’m missing my child’s nativity?

Original poster

charmonachain · 03/12/2024 16:18

Not what the thread is about.

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/12/2024 16:13

Twice you have said dh can go but be May forget

Is he usually a crap dad ?

Does he need reminding of basic things

Cromwell1905 · 03/12/2024 15:12

Redrunnynose · 03/12/2024 12:38

I was a mum as well as a teacher. I did it correctly and asked to attend my child's activities but was told no, so I saw no other way.

But I can assure you with the after school and weekend activities i attended in relation to my job, as well as the marking and all the other paperwork involved in teaching, I more than made up my hours.

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DW is ex teacher my sister is a primary head, SIL is a teacher all three have worked commercially either before or after teaching. They all joke about how teachers think that they are the only people who do any work at home or stay late, or start early most people on jobs of a similar salary do.

hey I ended up spending two days of my honeymoon working on a tender document and the amount of times I have had to drive somewhere when on holiday to get reception for a conference call …. I knew that taking a job at the level I was at meant it would infringe on my evenings, weekends and holidays often with no notice. If I became a vicar I know that the chances of my being able to play Sunday league would be limited and being a teacher means it’s hard to get term time off.

nearlyfreefromnappies · 03/12/2024 14:58

Yanbu. I'm a teacher and my school are very supportive of their staff. Low turnover and they great commitment.

ilovesooty · 03/12/2024 14:42

charmonachain · 03/12/2024 11:42

Not wishing to sound like an arse but that doesn’t make it somehow ‘ok discussion over.’

Some will think it’s a horrendous act of fraud but in the real world you do sometimes have to do these sorts of things. And as I say I am annoyed with myself for not doing it in the first place!

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I didn't say it was discussion over. Arguably telling someone to get off their high horse is trying to shut them up.

Allswellthatendswelll · 03/12/2024 14:41

charmonachain · 03/12/2024 12:53

Younger child has finally deigned to nap (I don’t work Tuesdays, before I am accused of fraudulent activity.)

My school is famously ridiculous about time off in term time and I have to say I haven’t worked many places that are as rigid as this one. When I’d only been there a couple of months I discovered a lump in my breast; I’d only just stopped breastfeeding so I wasn’t too alarmed but still, needs investigating and I managed to get a hospital appointment for the end of that week which was mostly in PPA time - great, I just needed the last fifteen minutes of my lesson covered so I could get there on time and I was stunned when I got a No. So I should have known! However, we had a staff wellbeing survey last year and so many of us expressed concern about the lack of flexibility and that it was actually driving up rates of absence because for many of us with small children, if they seem a bit off colour, might be OK, might not be, we have to call in sick because if we do get a phone call from nursery or school to say they aren’t well we just can’t get out. So I hoped they’d be a lot more relaxed but it seems not.

No one has replied to my email - I’ll ask again tomorrow but I suspect there will just be mumbling and ask such a body … sigh.

Ok moving away from nativities now- this is unbelievable and seems maybe illegal (I don't actually know this but it seems not right). Have you contacted your union about not being allowed time off for medical appointments? Especially things that are time sensitive.

Also how would your school react if a parent refused to pick up an ill child? I suspect they would consider it a welfare issue. Yet they are potentially putting you in that scenario.

Your DH 'forgetting' isn't really on either!

User79853257976 · 03/12/2024 14:05

Goldenbear · 03/12/2024 12:33

Tricky if you commute for an hour and a half door to door as obviously you need the whole morning or afternoon off. I've never missed one as my job is very flexible, WFH mostly when I want to as I'm not in a client facing position but DH is an Architect and missed two Christmas plays as he was on site and couldn't get a day off which is what he would have needed. That said, he didn't miss the Nativities which my DCs only did in infant school. At Junior school it was Christmas performances, concerts and choir in a church type of thing. All our Nativity plays were in the morning which was actually better for work arrangements than 2 in the afternoon.

I completely get it OP, I really feel for you. My DD was asked to be an Angel in a beautiful church Nativity as she attended Rainbows and the vicar asked if anybody's child would be interested as it was in the evening. She was 5 at the time and it was probably the best nativity she was in, perhaps when your child is old enough they may be able to do something similar? Obviously no help this year with a pre-schooler.

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Yep - it’s not only teachers but commuting is a choice that can make things harder when you’ve got children.

LazyArsedMagician · 03/12/2024 13:44

charmonachain · 01/12/2024 16:07

Great. I’m kind of hoping for more than survival for my kids, I’m picky like that.

The school could do all sorts but they won’t, they have always been awful at stuff like this. I thought they’d improved recently but apparently not!

Edited

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I'm sorry you're upset, but be serious.

Original poster

charmonachain · 03/12/2024 12:53

Younger child has finally deigned to nap (I don’t work Tuesdays, before I am accused of fraudulent activity.)

My school is famously ridiculous about time off in term time and I have to say I haven’t worked many places that are as rigid as this one. When I’d only been there a couple of months I discovered a lump in my breast; I’d only just stopped breastfeeding so I wasn’t too alarmed but still, needs investigating and I managed to get a hospital appointment for the end of that week which was mostly in PPA time - great, I just needed the last fifteen minutes of my lesson covered so I could get there on time and I was stunned when I got a No. So I should have known! However, we had a staff wellbeing survey last year and so many of us expressed concern about the lack of flexibility and that it was actually driving up rates of absence because for many of us with small children, if they seem a bit off colour, might be OK, might not be, we have to call in sick because if we do get a phone call from nursery or school to say they aren’t well we just can’t get out. So I hoped they’d be a lot more relaxed but it seems not.

No one has replied to my email - I’ll ask again tomorrow but I suspect there will just be mumbling and ask such a body … sigh.

OP posts:

Redrunnynose · 03/12/2024 12:38

Cromwell1905 · 03/12/2024 07:42

Absolutely disgraceful, I assume you were paid for this by other parents that could not take the time. Calling in sick and being paid is basically fraud, or have you since paid back the money you were paid for your jaunts ?

My child is taught to tell the truth how can it be right that someone who lied when it suited them teaches children this is so wrong. I guess we have a different set of morals.

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I was a mum as well as a teacher. I did it correctly and asked to attend my child's activities but was told no, so I saw no other way.

But I can assure you with the after school and weekend activities i attended in relation to my job, as well as the marking and all the other paperwork involved in teaching, I more than made up my hours.

Goldenbear · 03/12/2024 12:33

User79853257976 · 01/12/2024 23:20

Probably okay for an hour for a nativity.

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Tricky if you commute for an hour and a half door to door as obviously you need the whole morning or afternoon off. I've never missed one as my job is very flexible, WFH mostly when I want to as I'm not in a client facing position but DH is an Architect and missed two Christmas plays as he was on site and couldn't get a day off which is what he would have needed. That said, he didn't miss the Nativities which my DCs only did in infant school. At Junior school it was Christmas performances, concerts and choir in a church type of thing. All our Nativity plays were in the morning which was actually better for work arrangements than 2 in the afternoon.

I completely get it OP, I really feel for you. My DD was asked to be an Angel in a beautiful church Nativity as she attended Rainbows and the vicar asked if anybody's child would be interested as it was in the evening. She was 5 at the time and it was probably the best nativity she was in, perhaps when your child is old enough they may be able to do something similar? Obviously no help this year with a pre-schooler.

Original poster

charmonachain · 03/12/2024 12:23

@Cromwell1905 - I won’t be pulling a sickie. I was stupid and was honest and got a ‘no’ as a result. So I won’t be making that mistake again.

DH will almost certainly forget, which is a whole other issue but putting that aside. I qualified as a teacher twenty two years ago: deciding at the age of 22 to do something else because nearly quarter of a century later this issue might arise is madness. Next year I shall call in sick, go to my child’s nativity and that is that. Is it something I habitually do, no, is is something I’ve done when I’ve felt the need to, yes, and I will continue to do so.

OP posts:

Cromwell1905 · 03/12/2024 12:11

charmonachain · 03/12/2024 11:58

In general I’d agree but I think changing my entire career on the basis of one event for a maximum of what, three years, would be madness.

I don't agree with you taking a sicky to the nativity especially when your husband can go but that is not comparable to what the poster I quoted has said.

I have missed loads of stuff for my daughter, I accept that with the career that I had when she was little I would be away from home had no chance of getting to any school play etc but I knew that was the case and accepted it.

I am now self employed I get to do what I want but I have to provide a service to my clients which may involve me be called off at short notice and of course when I am on holiday I do not get paid.

Nothing is perfect but we make the choices we think are best and you did that choosing to be teacher knowing the downsides.

I think that basing your whole career on not being able to go to a nativity would not be a wise move.

Can you imagine though if you did throw a sicky and got caught and how that would feel ?

Original poster

charmonachain · 03/12/2024 11:58

In general I’d agree but I think changing my entire career on the basis of one event for a maximum of what, three years, would be madness.

OP posts:

Cromwell1905 · 03/12/2024 11:51

charmonachain · 03/12/2024 11:42

Not wishing to sound like an arse but that doesn’t make it somehow ‘ok discussion over.’

Some will think it’s a horrendous act of fraud but in the real world you do sometimes have to do these sorts of things. And as I say I am annoyed with myself for not doing it in the first place!

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Whilst I think many think it may be OK once, the retired teacher thought it OK whenever she felt like it or when her work did not comply with her life. "only several times a year " "sometimes a day other times just an hour" this is not acceptable. If your life does not work with your job then you need to change your job. I can not understand how anyone can think that this lying is OK its not.

Original poster

charmonachain · 03/12/2024 11:42

ilovesooty · 03/12/2024 11:30

Really? I agree with that poster.

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Not wishing to sound like an arse but that doesn’t make it somehow ‘ok discussion over.’

Some will think it’s a horrendous act of fraud but in the real world you do sometimes have to do these sorts of things. And as I say I am annoyed with myself for not doing it in the first place!

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 03/12/2024 11:30

Bigearringsbigsmile · 03/12/2024 10:16

Oh get off your high horse!

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Really? I agree with that poster.

Coffeecakelatte · 03/12/2024 11:29

I'm so sorry op, that's sh**. No wonder schools lose good teachers. Unless they're incredibly understaffed I would want to know why.

Cromwell1905 · 03/12/2024 11:26

Bigearringsbigsmile · 03/12/2024 10:16

Oh get off your high horse!

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Do you really think that this is OK ? Its not and I would far rather be on my high horse than at the low point where people think lying and stealing is Ok, but again we all have different morals !

Original poster

charmonachain · 03/12/2024 11:02

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/12/2024 21:29

So why has head said yes to some but no to you ? @charmonachain

Well, that’s what I’ve asked and I haven’t yet had an answer. Probably to do with PPA but it still seems unfair because I didn’t decide when the play was or when my PPA is.

OP posts:

pumpkinpillow · 03/12/2024 10:24

Sorts us out in the summer holidays and is the only thing keeping most teachers in the profession.

That's a pretty broad generalisation. I imagine most teachers who are parents value that they get time off when their own children are off, and for many this would have been a factor in choosing that profession, but I really hope it isn't the only thing keeping teachers there.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 03/12/2024 10:16

Cromwell1905 · 03/12/2024 07:42

Absolutely disgraceful, I assume you were paid for this by other parents that could not take the time. Calling in sick and being paid is basically fraud, or have you since paid back the money you were paid for your jaunts ?

My child is taught to tell the truth how can it be right that someone who lied when it suited them teaches children this is so wrong. I guess we have a different set of morals.

Show quote history

Oh get off your high horse!

Cromwell1905 · 03/12/2024 07:42

Redrunnynose · 02/12/2024 21:05

I was a teacher for many years, now retired. After being told no I couldn't attend my sons school activities a couple of times, I can say I never asked again, I had to lie when I needed to take time off, to see an assembly, a play, a church service, new schools and later university visits.

I sometimes took the whole day off, sometimes an hour or so, i just said I was either ill, had a doctors appointment, car broke down or was in a car jam. I always felt it was ridiculous the Head just said no with no discussion, considering the type of environment we were in.

It was only a few times a year, I worked hard and was never pulled up on it. But I'll always remember seeing my son during those activities. Sorry but I didn't regret it once.

Absolutely disgraceful, I assume you were paid for this by other parents that could not take the time. Calling in sick and being paid is basically fraud, or have you since paid back the money you were paid for your jaunts ?

My child is taught to tell the truth how can it be right that someone who lied when it suited them teaches children this is so wrong. I guess we have a different set of morals.

DinosaurMunch · 02/12/2024 21:58

Kool4katz · 01/12/2024 17:27

I feel sorry for you OP thinking that a primary nativity is such a big deal when it isn’t. I wish they’d stop doing them tbh as they’re such a waste of time and effort in my view.

Anything my child is in is a big deal to me.

I feel sorry for your child that you don't care about them being in a play. (Do you have a child? Maybe it's sour grapes)

Deeperthantheocean · 02/12/2024 21:46

charmonachain · 01/12/2024 15:38

Teacher myself … I really wish I’d just called in sick to be honest which I’ll probably be flamed for but I am a tad gutted. Saying so here so I don’t spend tomorrow swearing.

I know, no chance. Thankfully they have videos at a very reasonable price (ahem), but they not the same. Xx