To be so upset I’m missing my child’s nativity?

Absolutely do not do this. If you get caught it will be classed as gross misconduct and you could face immediate dismissal.

Can you offer to take unpaid leave?

I missed most of my children's nativity performances because my employer, or more specifically my manager, was so inflexible. Private sector, financial services.
Now I'm a manager and I do everything I can to move things around so people in my team have as much flexibility as I can manage. We work for a massive company, but it's the small things that make people a bit happier in their work.

It’s not great but that’s life for many working parents. My mum was a nurse and I can’t remember her ever being at a school event such as a nativity. She also worked most weekends and every other Christmas Day (alternated with New Year). And like most non-school employees she also worked most of the school holidays At least you get Christmas Day with your child if you’re a teacher.

Life is going to get harder than this so I suggest you grow a thicker skin.

It’s at the discretion of the Head and unfortunately they’re not all supportive. I never got to go to ANYTHING with my eldest because I was never given permission. She’s 13 now and still holds it against me.

When I was a class teacher, I always used to tell the children whose parents weren't able to come, that I was watching them and would let their parents know how wonderful they’d been.
There are many perks to being a teacher in terms of hours and holidays but unfortunately your own children’s events aren’t one of them.
As a Headteacher, I tried to cover staff whenever possible but in a small school it wasn’t always possible.

The thing with moving schools is you don’t know whether it’s a frying pan into the fire situation.

I could never have time off for things like that but they were very chill with planning expectations and learning walks, book looks etc.

So although it was shitty for the nativity and sports day it was much better the rest of the year.

No. But you’re saying parental leave is not for that. You’re wrong. Anyone can use it for what they choose to use it for, and obviously put the request in at the right time.

I wouldn’t use parental leave like this, but another poster suggested that they might. That’s their choice.

School management are idiots for not letting staff off to see their own children in a play.

The only thing I consistently missed was sports day as it always clashed the last few lessons before GCSE / A level exams and that took priority.

Do they not do an evening show you can go too?

I always feel for teachers missing their own kids bits at school

It is not meant for a 1 off nativity
There are rules around it. You also cant just take it when you wish if there is a significant reason why it cant be afforded. Need 21 days notice as well.

It is certainly not so you can take an afternoon off for a nativity- there is no should at all for employers

So you are saying that a minimum if 21 days ago the op should have requested a week off unpaid to attend a nativity?

Say you’ve had a gas leak or boiler break down, something that isn’t really in your hands. There isn’t much they will do about it, unless you have been off sick many times already.

What a shame I'd be fuming!

Not all schools are like this. Mine would give you the time off. I'd definitely start thinking about moving. If they are unreasonable about this I bet they are about other things.

I had the same when mine were younger. Particularly gutting the year my DD was Mary :(

I have had a thought. For next year ask to have a joint event with your child's school with the idea that it will foster new friendships. This will not help tomorrow.

I've only worked in one school that wouldn't let you have time off. Most have just said, find somebody to cover. I'm covering a colleague on Thursday for that very reason.
Next year, don't ask ! Child ill etc
Works as long as you don't work very local. I was far enough away for them to not put two and two together. Serves the school right for being so inflexible.

Also, maybe look for new job with nicer management - they do exist.

It's so sad that you can't be afforded the time. Did you offer to take it unpaid too?

Tricking thing with parental leave is that it seems crazy you have ti take a week of unpaid leave to see your child's nativity for what will probably be less than half an hour!!

Problem with phoning in sick if you get caught it's dismissal 😔

Both my parents were teachers, and both sets of grandparents lived 200+ miles away, so I was very used to no-one being there for anything like this that happened at school. I survived!

Would the head be so understanding though, if they found out? I highly doubt it.

I didn’t say that I would use it for this, but another poster explicitly started that this is not what parental leave it.

But it is. It’s for whatever you want.

Well, in most cases there is still another parent. Or a grandparent, or someone!

And it's a Nativity not a life or death situation.

How's that going to make op feel if she's a single parent??

Yanbu to be upset. But you won't be the only one.